Nicknames for the New Guys - 2022-23 Edition

[LogGrad98]

Ok let's get some nicknames up in here. I know a few of these have already been around the league, but we can always re-christen them here. Just no new bris, if you get my drift.

Simone Fontecchio
Walker Kessler
Lauri Markkanen
Collin Sexton
Kelly Olynyk
Jarred Vanderbilt
Talen Horton-Tucker
Malik Beasley

Who did I forget? It has to be someone we have at least seen play in the first 3 games or so. No need for g-league nicknames.

Ok, go!!




To kick things off, I do think Walker, Kessler Ranger is ok, goes back pretty far, so mostly for older fans, but I guess that is what JF is anyway, mostly. CANNOT STAND italian stallion for Simone. So overworn it is bordering on stupid, but not relevant enough to be ironic or hipster. Just lazy. Any other thoughts?

 

[LogGrad98]

Fontecchio, the italian assassin? Capra assassina? Simply Capra?

Simone "La Capra" Fontecchio

He kind of looks like a vampire, pretty pale, dark hair, et al. I mean just look at him:




The resemblance is uncanny.

Simone "Il Vampiro" Fontecchio

Simone "Il Mago" Fontecchio

Simone "Il Cecchino" Fontecchio



Ok, I am bored with that one.

 

[str8line]

Fontecchio- The Fonz

 

[str8line]

Vanderbuilt- V8. Or maybe Big Block.

 

[str8line]

Olynyk- Fahrvergnugen?

 

[LogGrad98]

Olynyk- Fahrvergnugen

He could replace the minivan, in this vein. Just be the VW Bus or something. v-dub.

Maybe that is better for THT. The school bus.

 

[Eddie Zero]

Ok let's get some nicknames up in here. I know a few of these have already been around the league, but we can always re-christen them here. Just no new bris, if you get my drift.

Simone Fontecchio
Walker Kessler
Lauri Markkanen
Collin Sexton
Kelly Olynyk
Jarred Vanderbilt
Talen Horton-Tucker
Malik Beasley

Who did I forget? It has to be someone we have at least seen play in the first 3 games or so. No need for g-league nicknames.

Ok, go!!




To kick things off, I do think Walker, Kessler Ranger is ok, goes back pretty far, so mostly for older fans, but I guess that is what JF is anyway, mostly. CANNOT STAND italian stallion for Simone. So overworn it is bordering on stupid, but not relevant enough to be ironic or hipster. Just lazy. Any other thoughts?

Fontalia
brohard
The Finnisher
Bullit
Sifl
Horton hears a boo
Measles

 

[Domino]

Me and my friend call THT Horton hears a who because he reminds us of the elephant from that movie.


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[slc]

Fontecchio- The Big Cannoli

 

[TheGoldStandard]

Cuz he's THT (not dynamite), THT, can't win the fight! THT, a bloated load, THT, watch him implode!

 

[TheGoldStandard]

When the ball hits the net cuz his jumper is wet that's Simone.

 

[Swuul]

The other day I was talking with my friend and didn't remember Kesslers name (I am real crap with names, I have trouble remembering the names of my kids), so I just called him "Tex". Without blinking his eyes my friend knew who I was talking about.

 

[Ferguson_Mellochill]

Talen Horton-Chucker
Gelato
Oh Hell NAW
Big Finnish
Crash 2

 

[Handlogten's Heros]

Ok let's get some nicknames up in here. I know a few of these have already been around the league, but we can always re-christen them here. Just no new bris, if you get my drift.

Simone Fontecchio
Walker Kessler
Lauri Markkanen
Collin Sexton
Kelly Olynyk
Jarred Vanderbilt
Talen Horton-Tucker
Malik Beasley

Who did I forget? It has to be someone we have at least seen play in the first 3 games or so. No need for g-league nicknames.

Ok, go!!




To kick things off, I do think Walker, Kessler Ranger is ok, goes back pretty far, so mostly for older fans, but I guess that is what JF is anyway, mostly. CANNOT STAND italian stallion for Simone. So overworn it is bordering on stupid, but not relevant enough to be ironic or hipster. Just lazy. Any other thoughts?

These are always pretty rough... nicknames are earned not given or assigned.

Sexton is the Young Bull... no need to give him one.

Lauri is the Finnisher

Vando has like 3-4 good ones

I don't have suggestions for any of the other guys but THT is definitely The Down Payment.

 

[Chargers Jazz Angels]

Simone Fontecchio - fettuchini
Walker Kessler - The great divide
Lauri Markkanen -The marksman
Collin Sexton - hot pants
Kelly Olynyk - Don't cut my hair
Jarred Vanderbilt -I like the name Vando
Talen Horton-Tucker - Condor or TNT (play on THT)
Malik Beasley -

 

[The Fresh Prince]

The Sex Machine Collin Sexton is undisputed for him.

 

[Jazzmix]

Kelly Olynyk - Rasputin (with his slavic face he looks like a typical orthodox priest)
Rudy Gay - Veintidós (that one is only for Bolerjack)

 

[The Fresh Prince]

Simone "has the makings of a varsity athlete" Fontecchio.

 

[prodigy]

Hmmm I'm going to have to consult with Holly Rowe on these nicknames.

 

[Jingled]

I can't wait to hear all the incredibly stupid and cringy nicknames Holly and Boller give to the guys over the course of the season.