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Infidelity

candrew

candrew

Well-Known Member
My brother-in-law recently found out that his wife has been cheating on him. His wife is a nurse and apparently she's been seeing a doctor on the side for 4 years.

At this point my brother-in-law has decided not to seek a divorce - mainly because he has 3 children and they're all under 10 years old.

I have to question whether or not this is the right move, sometimes keeping a toxic marraige together is worse than a divorce.

How would you folks handle it? I know personally I'd divorce her, even if I was in his situation; but I can tell you he's not doing it out of weakness - he's a better man than me. Because of issues many years ago with his father, he was homeless for a short time in his early 20's and has gone from literally nothing to being an IT Executive for a major communications company.

It bears mentioning that she didn't confess to the affair. He accidentally found out from his sister in law - his wife didn't confess until he confronted her.
 
That sucks big time. I don't know how he can trust her with anything. And it has been going on for 4 years? If he is going to suck it up and stay together for the kids, then do they continue a physical relationship? Does he take it as a free pass to get his own mistress?

I don't see how that is going to work in the long term.
 
I would try to resolve the issues that would have led to the cheating. If during that process it became clear that the issues weren't going to be resolved I'd go ahead with the divorce. Honestly though, aside from the cheating, the part about this story that makes me mad is that the sister-in-law knew about the cheating and never said anything. There seems to be a strong lack of morals in that whole family. To me loyalty doesn't mean condoning a family member's improper actions.
 
I don't think anybody knows what they would do in this situation. I personally find it hard to believe that I would stay with my wife if she cheated on me. Right now I have 4 kids age 8 and under (2 under the age of two), but I still think I would be gone.
 
I'd divorce her. Ask for full custody of the kids and alimony. It's what she(most women) would do if the exact opposite happened.

If she has been cheating for 4 years:

A) doesn't love you
B) doesn't respect you
C) probably is hiding other stuff
D) would probably do it again

I'd be out.
 
Qman said:
That sucks big time. I don't know how he can trust her with anything. And it has been going on for 4 years? If he is going to suck it up and stay together for the kids, then do they continue a physical relationship? Does he take it as a free pass to get his own mistress?

I don't see how that is going to work in the long term.
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Neither do I. It would take a lot of work to get through this and come out of it with a strong marriage.
 
Qman said:
That sucks big time. I don't know how he can trust her with anything. And it has been going on for 4 years? If he is going to suck it up and stay together for the kids, then do they continue a physical relationship? Does he take it as a free pass to get his own mistress?

I don't see how that is going to work in the long term.
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Neither do I. He cannot trust her anymore. Also if it has been 4 years and running how old are the kids? Did she have a previous affair? To much pain and hurt their for it to work in my opinion but I am not your brother.

I ultimately decided that my kids would rather see me happy then their mom and I unhappy and miserable. So I left. It was the right decision for me.
 
So... if they have 3 children under the age of 10, I'm going to assume that means they have been married for 10 years, or pretty close to it, right?

So she's been cheating on him for close to half their marriage.

Ya, time to let her find her own way in the world.
 
catratcho said:
I don't think anybody knows what they would do in this situation. I personally find it hard to believe that I would stay with my wife if she cheated on me. Right now I have 4 kids age 8 and under (2 under the age of two), but I still think I would be gone.
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I don't disagree with you but for your location it says "Fathering Kanter's children". How does your wife feel about that?
 
candrew said:
My brother-in-law recently found out that his wife has been cheating on him. His wife is a nurse and apparently she's been seeing a doctor on the side for 4 years.

At this point my brother-in-law has decided not to seek a divorce - mainly because he has 3 children and they're all under 10 years old.

I have to question whether or not this is the right move, sometimes keeping a toxic marraige together is worse than a divorce.

How would you folks handle it? I know personally I'd divorce her, even if I was in his situation; but I can tell you he's not doing it out of weakness - he's a better man than me. Because of issues many years ago with his father, he was homeless for a short time in his early 20's and has gone from literally nothing to being an IT Executive for a major communications company.

It bears mentioning that she didn't confess to the affair. He accidentally found out from his sister in law - his wife didn't confess until he confronted her.
Click to expand...

If he is your brother in law, does that make the cheaper your sister?
 
catratcho said:
I don't think anybody knows what they would do in this situation. I personally find it hard to believe that I would stay with my wife if she cheated on me. Right now I have 4 kids age 8 and under (2 under the age of two), but I still think I would be gone.
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What are the pros of staying in a relationship like that?
 
nightmare3983 said:
Honestly though, aside from the cheating, the part about this story that makes me mad is that the sister-in-law knew about the cheating and never said anything. There seems to be a strong lack of morals in that whole family. To me loyalty doesn't mean condoning a family member's improper actions.
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Agree 100%. To make matters worse, my brother in law actually supported that same sister-in-law for a couple of years when she was in her early 20's and still trying to find her way in life. It's disgusting.
 
Chad Feldheimer said:
This has to be more uncommon that common don't you think?
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I would think so. My brother is back with his wife after messing up. It was a long hard road but I thinkt hey are better for it.

Personally I decided I could not do it. It depends on the person.
 
Stoked said:
I would think so. My brother is back with his wife after messing up. It was a long hard road but I thinkt hey are better for it.

Personally I decided I could not do it. It depends on the person.
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If it were a one time, got drunk and ****ed up, kind of thing. I'd be a little more forgiving. But four years? No way.
 
Chad Feldheimer said:
If it were a one time, got drunk and ****ed up, kind of thing. I'd be a little more forgiving. But four years? No way.
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Personally I am with you. But every case is different. What is the couples history? Do they have kids? Same friends? Are they religious? Alot of variables. I'm just saying I can understand those that want to work it out even though I didn't.
 
Stoked said:
Personally I am with you. But every case is different. What is the couples history? Do they have kids? Same friends? Are they religious? Alot of variables. I'm just saying I can understand those that want to work it out even though I didn't.
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Never said it would be easy. But if you told your friends and family why, I think they would be sympathetic. If they didn't, they probably suck anyway.
 
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