After Ricky Rubio single-handedly saved the Jazz and the entire state of Utah from the deathly grasps of LaVar Ball, the other team from LA, the Clippers, roll in to town to keep their playoff hopes alive. Lob City was demolished last May by Joe Johnson and the Utah Jazz. Chris Paul was sent packing to another franchise, Blake Griffin found himself a new home in Motor City, and Jazz-killer Jamal Crawford went to the beaches of Minnesota to die.
“And I even remain alone to write the sad tale of the destruction of Lob City,” DeAndre Jordan Tweeted prior to Thursday night’s tip off. Jordan, who has played his career as a Clipper, was held at gun-point by the franchise in 2015 between when he committed to Mark Cuban and the Dallas Mavericks and before he could sign the contract. Jordan, with his pals who refused him his departure, now stands alone amongst the Clippers and has endured his name being used as trade fodder the entire season. “It makes me angry,” he noted, “but when I get angry I don’t start dominating, I just shut down.”
But a more interesting storyline plays out tonight. That is the story of former embattled Clippers owner Donald Sterling and his ongoing struggle with the NBA. “I will never forget what’s they’ve done,” Sterling tells the Deseret News’ Eric Woodyard, “and especially that **** Steve Ballmer. **** Steve Ballmer. It wasn’t enough that he took my franchise – he took my damn girlfriend, too!”
“Since the NBA forced me out, I’ve lost everything. Seriously, everything! Even Billy Crystal won’t text me back!”
Above, long-time Clippers fan Billy Crystal.
Since his 2014 jettison, Sterling has plotted revenge on the LA Clippers and on the league in general. “If they’re going to give a franchise to Steve Ballmer, they may as well give a franchise to that stupid **** LaVar Ball. He likes Magic about as much as I do,” Sterling told TMZ when asked about new ownership. But Sterling is now poised to tarnish the reputation of the NBA and prevent the Clippers from reaching the playoffs this year. “I’m doing something I’ve never done before,” Sterling claims, “I’m investing my fortune into basketball and I’m making sure the Clippers don’t clinch a playoff berth.”
Donald Sterling was on hand for a new genetic experiment as the offensive prowess of Mehmet Okur is combined with the defensive tenacity of Jerry Sloan, and implanted into the living body of Ekpe Udoh. The new genetic big man, titled Slokudoh, will be unveiled Thursday night as the Jazz take on the Los Angeles Clippers.
Craig Bolerjack: My goodness! Slokudoh with another defensive stop and a pull-up three!
Matt Harpring: He’s unreal, Boler! unreal!
Craig Bolerjack: I dunno, Matty. Slokudoh. It kinda sounds like a type of martial art, to me. You’ve got the Karate Kid – that’s what I’ll call him, Matty, the Karate Kid – coupled with the French Rejection, you know, because Rudy is from France.
But the league has a few answers of their own. “Donald Sterling doesn’t beat the NBA,” commissioner Adam Silver told Kristen Kenney in his visit to Salt Lake last month. “In fact, Donald Sterling has a reputation of not beating anybody at all.” The league office in Secaucus, New Jersey, has gone all-in on having a team from LA represent SoCal in the playoffs. “Nothing will get in our way of ensuring that happens,” Silver tells Kenney.
“This whistle, this whistle was on Tim Donaghy’s lips when he made bogus calls for the league. He was arrested and put in prison. He knew if the guards ever saw the whistle, it’d be confiscated, taken away. The way we look at it, this whistle is your birthright. He’d be damned if any prison guard bastard is gonna put their greasy hands on this thing. So he hid it in the one place he knew he could hide something – his ***. Five long years, he wore this whistle up his ***. Then he died of dysentery and gave Stern this whistle. He hid this uncomfortable hunk of metal up his *** for two years, then when I became commissioner, I put it up my *** for another three years. And now, Billy, I give the whistle to you.”
“And I even remain alone to write the sad tale of the destruction of Lob City,” DeAndre Jordan Tweeted prior to Thursday night’s tip off. Jordan, who has played his career as a Clipper, was held at gun-point by the franchise in 2015 between when he committed to Mark Cuban and the Dallas Mavericks and before he could sign the contract. Jordan, with his pals who refused him his departure, now stands alone amongst the Clippers and has endured his name being used as trade fodder the entire season. “It makes me angry,” he noted, “but when I get angry I don’t start dominating, I just shut down.”
But a more interesting storyline plays out tonight. That is the story of former embattled Clippers owner Donald Sterling and his ongoing struggle with the NBA. “I will never forget what’s they’ve done,” Sterling tells the Deseret News’ Eric Woodyard, “and especially that **** Steve Ballmer. **** Steve Ballmer. It wasn’t enough that he took my franchise – he took my damn girlfriend, too!”
“Since the NBA forced me out, I’ve lost everything. Seriously, everything! Even Billy Crystal won’t text me back!”
Above, long-time Clippers fan Billy Crystal.
Since his 2014 jettison, Sterling has plotted revenge on the LA Clippers and on the league in general. “If they’re going to give a franchise to Steve Ballmer, they may as well give a franchise to that stupid **** LaVar Ball. He likes Magic about as much as I do,” Sterling told TMZ when asked about new ownership. But Sterling is now poised to tarnish the reputation of the NBA and prevent the Clippers from reaching the playoffs this year. “I’m doing something I’ve never done before,” Sterling claims, “I’m investing my fortune into basketball and I’m making sure the Clippers don’t clinch a playoff berth.”
Donald Sterling was on hand for a new genetic experiment as the offensive prowess of Mehmet Okur is combined with the defensive tenacity of Jerry Sloan, and implanted into the living body of Ekpe Udoh. The new genetic big man, titled Slokudoh, will be unveiled Thursday night as the Jazz take on the Los Angeles Clippers.
Craig Bolerjack: My goodness! Slokudoh with another defensive stop and a pull-up three!
Matt Harpring: He’s unreal, Boler! unreal!
Craig Bolerjack: I dunno, Matty. Slokudoh. It kinda sounds like a type of martial art, to me. You’ve got the Karate Kid – that’s what I’ll call him, Matty, the Karate Kid – coupled with the French Rejection, you know, because Rudy is from France.
But the league has a few answers of their own. “Donald Sterling doesn’t beat the NBA,” commissioner Adam Silver told Kristen Kenney in his visit to Salt Lake last month. “In fact, Donald Sterling has a reputation of not beating anybody at all.” The league office in Secaucus, New Jersey, has gone all-in on having a team from LA represent SoCal in the playoffs. “Nothing will get in our way of ensuring that happens,” Silver tells Kenney.
“This whistle, this whistle was on Tim Donaghy’s lips when he made bogus calls for the league. He was arrested and put in prison. He knew if the guards ever saw the whistle, it’d be confiscated, taken away. The way we look at it, this whistle is your birthright. He’d be damned if any prison guard bastard is gonna put their greasy hands on this thing. So he hid it in the one place he knew he could hide something – his ***. Five long years, he wore this whistle up his ***. Then he died of dysentery and gave Stern this whistle. He hid this uncomfortable hunk of metal up his *** for two years, then when I became commissioner, I put it up my *** for another three years. And now, Billy, I give the whistle to you.”
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