Wife cheated on me... again

[babe]

So what you're saying is you know her more than she knows herself?

Let's not nickel and dime me, OK. I think I know everyone better than they know themselves, you most of all.

why the hell do you think I live in this cave?

 

[Miggs]

I have yet to see a single situation where the cheating spouse did not start setting up a plan for their future in case they got caught, or once they decided to leave. I'm involved with a project that has to do with exactly this type of situation. Once they begin cheating on their spouse they always start justifying that it's okay in this particular situation. The spouse didn't earn enough money, or didn't tell them they were pretty enough, or something else. And once they do this they start looking out for themselves. They are no longer in a partnership so from their perspective it's okay to spend family money on themselves, to sabotage their spouse, etc. I could tell some nightmarish stories about this.

The really bad part is that the spouse who is being cheated on probably doesn't imagine that anything is going on, so while the cheater is processing the change and coming to terms with what it means in the arms of a new lover, the spouse who was loyal is going to get hit by a Mack truck and feel almost completely alone in the world, just like the OP.

Not sure why you're telling me this.

 

[Joe Bagadonuts]

Not true. My ex was mildly using a drug and I got our child. Fast and easy. Now Itah does unfairly lean towards the mother but it's not an un winnable battle.

Was she determined to be the primary care provider? Did she fight for custody? If not it doesn't surprise me that you won. Otherwise, what you are saying does not match what I've seen at all.

 

[Dr. Jones]

Let's not nickel and dime me, OK. I think I know everyone better than they know themselves, you most of all.

why the hell do you think I live in this cave?

You must then also like us more than we like ourselves.

 

[Miggs]

Was she determined to be the primary care provider? Did she fight for custody? If not it doesn't surprise me that you won. Otherwise, what you are saying does not match what I've seen at all.

And yet it happened.

 

[babe]

In any state the woman always has a huge upper-hand but that doesn't mean he couldn't win custody. Stoked's already used his own example to show that. To throw one's hands up and not try is sad imo. Also, maybe she will be the bigger person and relinquish custody to him knowing he's a good man. It doesn't mean she couldn't see them, even a lot. It just means she's aware he's a more stable figure in their lives and better for them.

More importantly, he should try to save his marriage because there appears to be love there? Getting drunk and banging a dude is a mistake. Getting drunk once every year and banging a chick are mistakes. Having clarity and choosing to see some rich dude for six months isn't a mistake. It's an affair that she consciously participated in time and time and time again because of how it made her feel. If she stays with her, she won't learn **** from it. She'll do it again. And again. And again. And their relationship will suffer which will affect the kids. One stable single-parent home is much better for kids than a dysfunctional duel-parent home. Research has shown this.

I quoting this because of the expression "duel-parent". It's gonna become a cliché someday.

 

[Dr. Jones]

Not sure why you're telling me this.

He's cheating on you. Brace yourself.

 

[Dr. Jones]

I quoting this because of the expression "duel-parent". It's gonna become a cliché someday.

lol.. that's a pretty decent Freudian.

 

[Miggs]

I quoting this because of the expression "duel-parent". It's gonna become a cliché someday.

Should've said two-parent methinks.

 

[Dr. Jones]

Should've said two-parent methinks.

Dual >> duel

 

[Miggs]

Oh snap.

Hey, have I ever mentioned I'm an English teacher?

 

[Dr. Jones]

But the duel parent seems oddly appropriate.

 

[Miggs]

Poor Alexander Hamilton.

 

[Dr. Jones]

Poor Alexander Hamilton.

Poor Aaron Burr.

 

[Miggs]

Huh?
Why'd you change from Burr to Hamilton?

I thought Burr died and quickly remembered it was Hamilton who did.

 

[Joe Bagadonuts]

Not sure why you're telling me this.

Read your post which I responded to. My first sentence was in direct response to what you said. The rest followed from there.

 

[Miggs]

Read your post which I responded to. My first sentence was in direct response to what you said. The rest followed from there.

I already ackowledgeed to GF that I fully see how a person would or does do this. But again, that doesn't make them Satan.

 

[Dr. Jones]

I already ackowledgeed to GF that I fully see how a person would or does do this. But again, that doesn't make them Satan.

Calm down. Why are you yelling?!?

 

[Joe Bagadonuts]

I already ackowledgeed to GF that I fully see how a person would or does do this. But again, that doesn't make them Satan.

Not sure why you're telling me this.

 

[candrew]

I feel for you man. I hate to reduce your problem to a stereotype but this has to be the 9th or 10th time in my life that I've heard this story. Got married young, had a couple of kids, one of the spouses goes back to school and ends up having an affair. Same exact thing happened to my brother-in-law. I think the problem stems from the fact that when you're an adult back in school you're surrounded by people with less responsibilities than you - it's only natural that you start to feel like you missed out on some stuff and it morphs into a reckless or destructive act.

I definitely don't claim to be an expert on these matters but I think at the very least a trial separation is in order. With children so young it's inevitable that your lives will still be intertwined. Maybe that extra breathing room can help you determine if this was meant to be. Good luck!