Spokane, Washington; circa mid-1980s:
LaVar Ball plays his only season of college basketball for Washington State University, averaging 2.2 points, and helping the Cougars to a 13-16 record. Their impressive run also featured a 54-60 loss to the other Cougars of BYU.
LaVar, who viewed himself as the “Savior from Spokane,” resented the community support of his cross-town rival John Stockton, from Gonzaga. “**** that guy,” Ball told The Spokesman-Review, Spokane’s local paper. “They say he can pass but I think he should be passing me Gatorade during timeouts.”
February 12, 2018
Now with a child of his own in the NBA, and with two more that he hopes are on the way, LaVar announces that Lonzo will not re-sign with the Lakers unless they bring on his little brothers, LiAngelo and LaMelo.
Minneapolis, Minnesota; February 15, 2018:
LaVar arrives in Minnesota for Lonzo’s game against the Timberwolves. Prior to the game, LaVar sits down with Minnesota general manager Scott Layden.
Scotty then unfolded unto LaVar his experiences with Rufus’ time-traveling phone booth.
As LaVar listened, he hatched a plan to buy himself a franchise using time-travel. LaVar, knowing of the Jazz’s improbable season, went back in time to place some money on the Jazz. As the Jazz continued their streak, LaVar’s riches grew.
June 1, 2018
With money accumulated from betting on Jazz games, LaVar makes the Miller group an offer it can’t refuse. LaVar purchases the Jazz and immediately remodels Vivint Arena to become the league’s first casino arena, entitled Big Baller’s Pleasure Paradise.
LaVar and his Balls begin harassing the citizens of Salt Lake.
June 20, 2018
LaVar trades Rudy Gobert back to Denver for cash and a second round pick and drafts LaMelo Ball.
June 21, 2018
LaVar gives the Jazz name back to New Orleans in exchange for draft rights to LiAngelo Bal.
June 30, 2018
LaVar trades Donovan Mitchell to the LA Lakers for Lonzo Ball.
2018-2019 season
LaVar, now with all his sons on the same franchise, submits paperwork with the league to change the name from “Utah Jazz” to “Lavar’s Balls.”
Donovan and Dennis, flabbergasted at what has taken place, purchase a used DeLorean off KSL to see what they can do to repair the fabric of the space-time-continuum.
Donovan and Dennis discover that LaVar was betting on all Jazz games to accumulate his fortunes, with one exception:
March 3, 2018; Lakers at Jazz
“I never bet against my son,” LaVar recalls, “Never bet against a Ball!”
LaVar has laid all his chips on the table, hoping to cash in on the jackpot that will give him the capital to purchase the Jazz franchise.
Dennis and Donovan need your help, Jazz Nation!
If the Jazz win, Vegas keeps LaVar's money. Unless you want LaVar’s Balls in your face 24/7, step up and ensure the Jazz knock off the Lakers tonight and secure our future!
LaVar Ball plays his only season of college basketball for Washington State University, averaging 2.2 points, and helping the Cougars to a 13-16 record. Their impressive run also featured a 54-60 loss to the other Cougars of BYU.
LaVar, who viewed himself as the “Savior from Spokane,” resented the community support of his cross-town rival John Stockton, from Gonzaga. “**** that guy,” Ball told The Spokesman-Review, Spokane’s local paper. “They say he can pass but I think he should be passing me Gatorade during timeouts.”
February 12, 2018
Now with a child of his own in the NBA, and with two more that he hopes are on the way, LaVar announces that Lonzo will not re-sign with the Lakers unless they bring on his little brothers, LiAngelo and LaMelo.
LaVar Ball said:
Minneapolis, Minnesota; February 15, 2018:
LaVar arrives in Minnesota for Lonzo’s game against the Timberwolves. Prior to the game, LaVar sits down with Minnesota general manager Scott Layden.
Scotty then unfolded unto LaVar his experiences with Rufus’ time-traveling phone booth.
As LaVar listened, he hatched a plan to buy himself a franchise using time-travel. LaVar, knowing of the Jazz’s improbable season, went back in time to place some money on the Jazz. As the Jazz continued their streak, LaVar’s riches grew.
June 1, 2018
With money accumulated from betting on Jazz games, LaVar makes the Miller group an offer it can’t refuse. LaVar purchases the Jazz and immediately remodels Vivint Arena to become the league’s first casino arena, entitled Big Baller’s Pleasure Paradise.
LaVar and his Balls begin harassing the citizens of Salt Lake.
June 20, 2018
LaVar trades Rudy Gobert back to Denver for cash and a second round pick and drafts LaMelo Ball.
June 21, 2018
LaVar gives the Jazz name back to New Orleans in exchange for draft rights to LiAngelo Bal.
June 30, 2018
LaVar trades Donovan Mitchell to the LA Lakers for Lonzo Ball.
2018-2019 season
LaVar, now with all his sons on the same franchise, submits paperwork with the league to change the name from “Utah Jazz” to “Lavar’s Balls.”
Donovan and Dennis, flabbergasted at what has taken place, purchase a used DeLorean off KSL to see what they can do to repair the fabric of the space-time-continuum.
Donovan and Dennis discover that LaVar was betting on all Jazz games to accumulate his fortunes, with one exception:
March 3, 2018; Lakers at Jazz
“I never bet against my son,” LaVar recalls, “Never bet against a Ball!”
LaVar has laid all his chips on the table, hoping to cash in on the jackpot that will give him the capital to purchase the Jazz franchise.
Dennis and Donovan need your help, Jazz Nation!
If the Jazz win, Vegas keeps LaVar's money. Unless you want LaVar’s Balls in your face 24/7, step up and ensure the Jazz knock off the Lakers tonight and secure our future!
