Repped for any Mike Tyson reference.
A Joke a Day Keeps the Doctor Away
- Thread starter kiri.de.carlos
- Start date
MVP
Well-Known Member
A lonely 70-year-old widow decided that it was time to marry again. She put an ad in the local newspaper that read: “Husband wanted! Must be in my age group, must not beat me, must not run around on me and must still be good in bed. All applicants please apply in person.”
The following day, she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a gray-haired gentleman sitting in a wheelchair. He had no arms or legs.
“You’re not really asking me to consider you, are you?” the widow asked: “Just look at you — you have no legs!”
The old gent smiled: “Therefore, I cannot run around on you!”
“You don’t have any arms either!” she snorted.
Again, the old man smiled: “Therefore, I can never beat you!”
She raised an eyebrow and asked intently: “Are you still good in bed?”
The old man leaned back, beamed a big smile and said: “I rang the doorbell, didn’t I?”
The following day, she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a gray-haired gentleman sitting in a wheelchair. He had no arms or legs.
“You’re not really asking me to consider you, are you?” the widow asked: “Just look at you — you have no legs!”
The old gent smiled: “Therefore, I cannot run around on you!”
“You don’t have any arms either!” she snorted.
Again, the old man smiled: “Therefore, I can never beat you!”
She raised an eyebrow and asked intently: “Are you still good in bed?”
The old man leaned back, beamed a big smile and said: “I rang the doorbell, didn’t I?”
Al-O-Meter
Well-Known Member
Joe Biden walks into a bar and asks 'do I come here often'?
I was out of town on business and decided to go home a day early and surprise my wife.
When I walked into the bedroom, there was my wife, in bed with my best friend. I couldn't believe it!
So I told my dog to get off the bed.
When I walked into the bedroom, there was my wife, in bed with my best friend. I couldn't believe it!
So I told my dog to get off the bed.
How do you fix a broken pumpkin?
With a pumpkin patch!
What do you call a zombie that writes music?
A decomposer!
Why don’t cannibals eat clowns?
They taste funny!
Why don’t skeletons go trick or treating?
The have no body to go with!
Why is it so hard to make a skeleton mad?
Nothing gets under their skin!
Why do ghosts like to ride elevators?
It really lifts their spirits!
Sorry. My kids have been on a kick of having me tell them dad jokes lately.
Sent from my iPhone using JazzFanz
With a pumpkin patch!
What do you call a zombie that writes music?
A decomposer!
Why don’t cannibals eat clowns?
They taste funny!
Why don’t skeletons go trick or treating?
The have no body to go with!
Why is it so hard to make a skeleton mad?
Nothing gets under their skin!
Why do ghosts like to ride elevators?
It really lifts their spirits!
Sorry. My kids have been on a kick of having me tell them dad jokes lately.
Sent from my iPhone using JazzFanz
MVP
Well-Known Member
"A wife treats her husband by taking him to local strip club for a birthday. At the club, the doorman says - Hi Jim, how are you? The wife asks - how does he know you? Jim replies, oh dear, I play in senior soccer league with him. Inside the club the bartender says - bring you the usual Jim? Jim says to wife, before you say anything he is on Darts team. Next a stripper says - Hi Jim, do you you want special dance like last time? The wife gets mad, dragging Jim out of the club and jumps with him into taxi parked by the club. Taxi driver says - Hey Jimmy boy! You picked up an ugly one today?"
Jim's funeral is on Sunday...
Jim's funeral is on Sunday...