Let me preface this by saying. I love my wife.
Now lets begin
1. We will run to target for something small, detergent or milk or what not. We will then proceed to spend about an hour looking over all the home decor, cooking stuff, clearance everything. I'll go in planning on spending like $10 on something and we'll leave with a $150 bill and an hour and a half of my life gone. Every single time.
2. She buys so many god damn pillows its insane. Pillows for beds, couches, downstairs couches, guest bedrooms. I bet I have close to 50 pillows in my home. Now she just bought a bunch of bed pillows. you know the ones that look nice when you make you bed? Well she doesn't make the ****ing bed. Ever. So we have all these pillows in pillow cases, all matching, but they are all piled up in the corner of our room never to be used.
3. If she wears something once she washes it. Jeans, skirts, sweaters, hoodies, jackets, whatever. She buys expensive stuff. You know what gets ruined really easy in washing machines and dryers? Nice clothes. That's what.
4. Shes an insomniac. I would go to bed at 8 pm if I could. Not a good mix. So I'll start passing out at like 11 and she'll be deeply offended that I dont want to hang out with her. So I'll go to bed and she'll come to bed around 4 and WAKE ME UP TO TALK!!! What the ****!!!??? No dear I don't want to tickle your back, no I don't care about whatever story you're going to tell me, sure I'll have sex with you but lets make it quick.
5. She always thinks she wants to change her hair. So she'll spend a lot on a haircut or color or something. Then without fail, she will hate it one day later, will go buy extensions and dye it back blonde. Every single time. So its like 2 expensive haircuts in one.
6. She will literally be standing in a pile of her clothes in her closet, she wears something and on the ground it goes. Then she'll have the nerve, whilst standing on her mountain of clothes on the ground to bitch about the 1 or 2 things of mine that aren't even out of place but aren't exactly where she'd like them. Like there are hooks on my closet door, I hang my jeans on them. She doesn't like that. Well guess what, I don't like how 99% of the clutter in our room is your ****.
7. She's a great cook, like really good. But when she cooks, she has to make the most extravagant things. I'm talking like $40-$50 for a home cooked meal, every time. I'd rather go out because at least then I wouldn't have to do the dishes.
8. Even if she's making something small, she DESTROYS the kitchen. Flour on the floor, counters, cabinets, oils all over, eggs on everything. Then guess what. I get to clean it up. Just chill out and get it in the bowl.
9. I'm fine cleaning up after she makes dinner. But I am not fine coming home and having to clean up her lunch. Especially when she calls and complains about my brother, who lives in the basement, when he doesn't clean up his mess. Hypocrite.
10. She cheers against all my favorite teams just to be a dick.
11. She has insane PMS
12. She's smarter than me
I'll add more when they come up.