Am I wrong?

[franklin]

thanks everyone for the input. im going to look into the mediation thing a lot more. i think that might help. either way i have a bad feeling this is going to get really bad really fast. she played the "you have no legal rights" card on my (step)daughter that i have raised since the day she was born, who has never met or known she has a biological dad. over my dead body. take the house, the cars, take it all. I will not lose my children.

A) I didn't have to read responses to say to take gamefaces advice. Solid.

B) No, that's ********. You raised her, you love her. Tell your wife to screw her head on straight for your daughter's sake. You are the father and that's final. Negotiating that is absurd and should be called a spade. Unless you're a complete abusive douchbag the kids must come first and that means a loving father in this children's life. How is holding that over your head good for this young girl?

c) when I got married, my wife had a house and was possessive of her hard earned trophy, as would be expected. One day she made the comment about her assets and "what did you bring to this?". I responded that I earned a degree while she earned equity in a house. I'm not sellsy in the least but that set it straight. It is her degree and her debt.

Best wishes too, divorce sucks. Wish it could have worked out.

 

[scootsy]

love you chris. *hugs*

 

[MVP]

man, that sucks. I though she for sure was a keeper. May I ask what happened? I agree with most that her loan is her problem.

 

[scootsy]

are there no lawyers who'd do your work pro-boner?

 

[HipHopAnonymous]

Lawyer up. Don't be stupid. You can always do more than what the court mandates if you want down the line.

 

[Chris-L]

i doubt i could find a lawyer to do it pro boner. im looking into mediation trying to find a low cost option. if that doesnt work im gonna have to try and find a lawyer who will let me pay him 100$ a month for the rest of my life.

 

[Beantown]

So what happened to the marriage? I'm assuming the marriage was pure hell because a divorce with 4 kids sounds like your life will be pure hell for awhile. Because you will still deal with her the rest of your life but you just won't get to have sex with her.

I had a buddy who got divorced with a bunch of kids. I think he regrets it. It cost him an a ton of money that will take him forever to recover from. And the worst part is he still has to deal with her almost on a daily basis. Which is now 100% fighting all the time.

If there is any way to salvage it at all I would highly consider it.

 

[Chris-L]

I'm still not sure what went wrong. Things have been wonderful for 6 years. Then one day she sits me down and says she's not happy and wants a seperation. I gave her some time and some space. Begged and pleaded for her to come back and we can try and make it work. She just doesn't care anymore. It's so much harder not knowing why all this is happening.

 

[candrew]

Babe is right - don't mention the boob job. Just sounds like sour grapes and as you said there is nothing you can do about it now.

As for everything else it sounds like she's going to play hardball. My cousin was in a similar situation with kids and tried mediation and it didn't work out - too many moving parts. Lawyer up.

Sorry to hear about your troubles - best of luck to you.

 

[MoreFeasts]

Babe is right - don't mention the boob job. Just sounds like sour grapes and as you said there is nothing you can do about it now.

As for everything else it sounds like she's going to play hardball. My cousin was in a similar situation with kids and tried mediation and it didn't work out - too many moving parts. Lawyer up.

Sorry to hear about your troubles - best of luck to you.

I don't see why lawyers would necessarily lead to a better result than mediation.
They will probably end up costing you both more money. I'd give another try at getting her to recognize that and be reasonable. Other than , no special insights. It doesn't seem right for you to pay for her schooling. I assume that she is holding off on getting a job until after she gets the divorce. If she has a degree that is in demand, that could make a difference.

 

[Dr. Jones]

Just don't be too easy. That's a mistake too many people make. I'm saying be a prick, but just make sure you're able to feel good about the fairness of the outcome. If it feels too one-sided, fight.

This is something you'll be dealing with for many years.. don't be sorry, for years, for being weak and overly agreeable in the beginning.

 

[MoreFeasts]

But yea, if she has got a lawyer, you'd better at least start interviewing some. Don't put it off too long. Talk to a few before picking one. You can probably get some useful input just in the process of deciding who you want to use. They'll probably try to talk you out of mediation though, so I'd talk to a couple mediators too.

 

[MoreFeasts]

Obviously , I am assuming that you can talk to a lawyer to ask some general questions before (s)he starts charging you by the minute, so talk to the secretary first about how that works. (Are secretaries still called secretaries? Probably not. Assistant? Office Administrator? )

 

[Beantown]

I'm still not sure what went wrong. Things have been wonderful for 6 years. Then one day she sits me down and says she's not happy and wants a seperation. I gave her some time and some space. Begged and pleaded for her to come back and we can try and make it work. She just doesn't care anymore. It's so much harder not knowing why all this is happening.

That's rough I'm sorry. If I am in your position I will lawyer up and fight everything you can. From what I understand if its her that it pushing the divorce for no reason you should have a lot of sympathy on your side. As long as you were not abusing or cheating which I am sure you didn't.

I would suggest marriage counseling which I have participated in and I think is amazing....but maybe it's too late for that.

 

[bigb]

Offer a trade. You'll never mention the money for the boob job if she accepts the loans. I have a feeling a judge or mediator will make her pay her own student loans back, anyway, so it could just save you the hassle.

 

[Scat]

its her that it pushing the divorce for no reason

No fault divorce... a HUGE mistake.

 

[Gameface]

No fault divorce... a HUGE mistake.

Wow, I completely disagree that someone has to be imprisoned in a marriage because the other person hasn't committed a recognized offense.

 

[PearlWatson]

Wow, I completely disagree that someone has to be imprisoned in a marriage because the other person hasn't committed a recognized offense.

Since the marriage commitment was created to protect children you better have a dang good reason to get out of it when children are involved.

 

[Gameface]

Since the marriage commitment was created to protect children you better have a dang good reason to get out of it when children are involved.

I'm sure everyone who does it feels like they have a very good reason. Forcing them to prove how good their reason is to people whose culture and values may be different, or it might just be that their perspective is different, otherwise forcing them to continue a marriage with a human being they don't want to be married to is sick and wrong. No less.

Is it still legal to force your wife to have sex with you in some states?

Anyway, what constitutes cause? Sounds like a can of worms we don't need big government getting involved in.

 

[PearlWatson]

I hate to break it to you but it sounds like she used you to support her and the kids while she went to school to become self sufficient, and get bigger boobs. I doubt she had any intention of staying in this marriage. She probably has had a stud on the side this whole time.