Anxiety

[Dr. Jones]

Crossword puzzles.

I know it sounds weird to suggest something like this but I have honestly found that it helps me. I can't tell you why but it does. I've known a few people that have claimed that pot was the only thing that helped them. Pot always made me feel nervous, though.

Funny because crossword puzzles calm me down and weed makes me dumb to anxious.. but those both have the EXACT opposite effect on my wife.

 

[One Brow]

Having a job can help with the feeling of control. In many ways, at least for my wife, the anxiety from a worry of not having control. So, her job does offer both a way to gain some financial control as well as an outlet for her need to perfect.

 

[Dr. Jones]

My wife's been on Paxil for years. I don't think there is any cure, but it definitely takes the edge off.

thanks OB.. I'll ask if she's tried it. (and I do think there's a cure... involving the right meds that is)

 

[Deleted member 848]

Having a job can help with the feeling of control. In many ways, at least for my wife, the anxiety from a worry of not having control. So, her job does offer both a way to gain some financial control as well as an outlet for her need to perfect.

I agree.

 

[Dr. Jones]

Just a guess: do you think her anxiety would improve if she wasn't a stay-at-home mom for the rest of her life?


My mother was a stay-at-home mom for.... 19 years I think. She has now worked as a teachers-assistant in both the local Catholic and Public school districts for a couple years now. A few years ago, she was starting to develop early signs of depression (which was definitely a conglomeration of many factors), and she realized that she really wanted to get a job. I cannot tell you how much of a positive impact her job has had on her life. She still works way too hard, and will always be the glue that holds our family together-- but her job gives her life another layer of complexity, and it really seems to have helped her.

From what I can tell, your wife definitely has some nice escapes, whether it is her fitness-regimen, or her pursuit to piety-- but who knows? Maybe being outside of the home more could really pay dividends. Of course, this is hard to do with 6 kids at home, but at the end of the day the health of your wife should always be a top priority.


Lastly, I always find that a good, balanced diet-- and a good, balanced daily lifestyle can help with so many illnesses. Other than that, all I can say is that I wish you and your family the best of luck.

Good call, but she has plenty of escapes... I don't think it's the kids, per se. She can be home alone, NOTHING happening, and go into full panic attack and think she needs the emergency room (heart attack).

 

[Deleted member 848]

thanks OB.. I'll ask if she's tried it. (and I do think there's a cure... involving the right meds that is)

I always worry that the right meds won't end up finding a cure-- I'm not using scientific research to justify my claim, but it's just something I've thought about.


I find that drugs tend to mask mental illnesses more than treat them. This 'masking' tends to help some more than others, which is why the results of a given drug tends to be so inconsistent between populations.

I feel like the best treatment is having a structured, moderately-involved, and 'complex' -- yet balanced-- lifestyle with plenty of opportunities for socializing, exercising, and consuming a healthy diet to predispose your body in an optimal condition (both physically and mentally); with meds being a supplement to your condition to get through the 'troughs'


- $0.02 from someone who has never had any debilitating mental-strife himself.

 

[Dr. Jones]

Having a job can help with the feeling of control. In many ways, at least for my wife, the anxiety from a worry of not having control. So, her job does offer both a way to gain some financial control as well as an outlet for her need to perfect.

I agree.

That may very well help once we would find at least a temporarily better feel-good solution. She wouldn't be able to handle a job/career daily right now.. maybe once per week. I have tried to make that happen for her because I suspected it may help, but she hasn't wanted to.. or felt she could really do it. Not to mention she (on her own) feels guilty that day care for our 112 kids would cost more than she would likely earn.. she misses the point.

 

[Deleted member 848]

Good call, but she has plenty of escapes... I don't think it's the kids, per se. She can be home alone, NOTHING happening, and go into full panic attack and think she needs the emergency room (heart attack).

Kids are an escape themselves, actually. I was referring more to the fact that the more involvement, and responsibility she has in a wide-array of activities, the less this tends to coincide with things like anxiety and depression. Being constantly active might (again, this is all speculative) might leave her less time to sit home-alone, and let these sorts of thoughts brew. You know?


Again, I'm just kinda throwing this out there, in case things ever get worse, and you feel like some sort of change might be in order.

 

[Stoked]

My wife also deals with anxiety as well as OCD. She very much needs things that are hers. Such as her job and hobbies. Spendign time with her friends also helps.

Biggest help that I have found I can be fore my wife is giving her the time and space when needed for her to be her. Not mom, wife, daughter, sister, friend...for her to just be her.

 

[Deleted member 848]

That may very well help once we would find at least a temporarily better feel-good solution. She wouldn't be able to handle a job/career daily right now.. maybe once per week. I have tried to make that happen for her because I suspected it may help, but she hasn't wanted to.. or felt she could really do it. Not to mention she (on her own) feels guilty that day care for our 112 kids would cost more than she would likely earn.. she misses the point.

My mom started out with working once a week at the post-office. She then started working once a week at the post-office, and once a week at a local pharmacy.

It took her a year before she managed to secure her current 20-30 hour/week job. To this day she still hasn't strikes a perfect comfort-zone with her occupation, and she feels that she still has a lot to learn-- but I think this pursuit of comfort alone is just so, so beneficial.

 

[Stoked]

My mom started out with working once a week at the post-office. She then started working once a week at the post-office, and once a week at a local pharmacy.

It took her a year before she managed to secure her current 20-30 hour/week job. To this day she still hasn't strikes a perfect comfort-zone with her occupation, and she feels that she still has a lot to learn-- but I think this pursuit of comfort alone is just so, so beneficial.

I have noticed that having a goal is helpful to my wife as well.

 

[Deleted member 848]

PKM: what I would suggest, is your wife picking up a 'job' at a local fitness center. Who knows. Placing her in an environment that she's so passionate for, and putting her in a position to infect people with her radiant passion for fitness might be the perfect sort of entry for her to pick up a 'job', that would be pretty much a hobby for her, I think.

 

[Dr. Jones]

I always worry that the right meds won't end up finding a cure-- I'm not using scientific research to justify my claim, but it's just something I've thought about.


I find that drugs tend to mask mental illnesses more than treat them. This 'masking' tends to help some more than others, which is why the results of a given drug tends to be so inconsistent between populations.

I feel like the best treatment is having a structured, moderately-involved, and 'complex' -- yet balanced-- lifestyle with plenty of opportunities for socializing, exercising, and consuming a healthy diet to predispose your body in an optimal condition (both physically and mentally); with meds being a supplement to your condition to get through the 'troughs'


- $0.02 from someone who has never had any debilitating mental-strife himself.

I know this was sincere, well-meaning, thoughtfully stated, and appreciated. Having said that, I am not sure the right "life-balance" is enough. To presume so assumes, at least to some degree, one doesn't have a true issue going on. Take weight for example. Everyone knows you can take two people, same size, same lifestyle, same diet, and they can be dramatically different in weight. Why is that? I believe it's the same for those suffering from anxiety issues.

I recently learned a few years ago that my wife's family (both maternal and paternal) have had debilitating anxiety issues dating back as far as memory. Her older cousin took it upon himself to go on a sort of vision quest to find answers. He found a doctor. This doctor spent 6 months working on this guy's father. The result? At age 65 this dad finally had peace... totally. My wife's cousin told me that when this happened he had a 'dad' for the first time in his life. No more panic attacks, no more anxiety, no more selfishness (unintentional). He then went on to help other family members find the right 'mix' of meds to bring the brain in balance.

This doctor STRESSED that our brains fire and release chemicals at 'normal' rates in about 80% of people. The other 20% misfire and release the incorrect/wrong amount of chemicals and the end result is skewed. I tend to believe this is true. I really do.

When I first married my wife, I was always caring, respectful, and nurturing.. but on the inside, I was thinking, stop the drama.. be an adult.. suck it up. Even though I never once said those things, I now feel badly for having ever even thought them.

 

[Dr. Jones]

PKM: what I would suggest, is your wife picking up a 'job' at a local fitness center. Who knows. Placing her in an environment that she's so passionate for, and putting her in a position to infect people with her radiant passion for fitness might be the perfect sort of entry for her to pick up a 'job', that would be pretty much a hobby for her, I think.

I've recommended that. She said she doesn't want to spend her life there. lol

All good advice from everyone and very much appreciated. Y'all can be aight at times.

 

[Stoked]

I've recommended that. She said she doesn't want to spend her life there. lol

All good advice from everyone and very much appreciated. Y'all can be aight at times.

She needs to find that balance. She will never know if she can something that she is comfortable with if she does not ask. Just becuase she is offered a job does not mean she has to take it. Which you obviously know. Perhaps they are looking for a trainer and can let her do so after her own personal workouts?

 

[Stoked]

I know this was sincere, well-meaning, thoughtfully stated, and appreciated. Having said that, I am not sure the right "life-balance" is enough. To presume so assumes, at least to some degree, one doesn't have a true issue going on. Take weight for example. Everyone knows you can take two people, same size, same lifestyle, same diet, and they can be dramatically different in weight. Why is that? I believe it's the same for those suffering from anxiety issues.

I recently learned a few years ago that my wife's family (both maternal and paternal) have had debilitating anxiety issues dating back as far as memory. Her older cousin took it upon himself to go on a sort of vision quest to find answers. He found a doctor. This doctor spent 6 months working on this guy's father. The result? At age 65 this dad finally had peace... totally. My wife's cousin told me that when this happened he had a 'dad' for the first time in his life. No more panic attacks, no more anxiety, no more selfishness (unintentional). He then went on to help other family members find the right 'mix' of meds to bring the brain in balance.

This doctor STRESSED that our brains fire and release chemicals at 'normal' rates in about 80% of people. The other 20% misfire and release the incorrect/wrong amount of chemicals and the end result is skewed. I tend to believe this is true. I really do.

When I first married my wife, I was always caring, respectful, and nurturing.. but on the inside, I was thinking, stop the drama.. be an adult.. suck it up. Even though I never once said those things, I now feel badly for having ever even thought them.

I also believe this to be true. It is proven beyond doubt to me. Chemical imbalances exist. Who that imbalance manifests itself can be mysterious but my wife is on two meds and when the dose is right, she has a goal and time to be herself she is usually just fine.

 

[♪alt13]

Funny because crossword puzzles calm me down and weed makes me dumb to anxious.. but those both have the EXACT opposite effect on my wife.

Mine too

 

[Deleted member 848]

I know this was sincere, well-meaning, thoughtfully stated, and appreciated. Having said that, I am not sure the right "life-balance" is enough. To presume so assumes, at least to some degree, one doesn't have a true issue going on. Take weight for example. Everyone knows you can take two people, same size, same lifestyle, same diet, and they can be dramatically different in weight. Why is that? I believe it's the same for those suffering from anxiety issues.

I recently learned a few years ago that my wife's family (both maternal and paternal) have had debilitating anxiety issues dating back as far as memory. Her older cousin took it upon himself to go on a sort of vision quest to find answers. He found a doctor. This doctor spent 6 months working on this guy's father. The result? At age 65 this dad finally had peace... totally. My wife's cousin told me that when this happened he had a 'dad' for the first time in his life. No more panic attacks, no more anxiety, no more selfishness (unintentional). He then went on to help other family members find the right 'mix' of meds to bring the brain in balance.

This doctor STRESSED that our brains fire and release chemicals at 'normal' rates in about 80% of people. The other 20% misfire and release the incorrect/wrong amount of chemicals and the end result is skewed. I tend to believe this is true. I really do.

When I first married my wife, I was always caring, respectful, and nurturing.. but on the inside, I was thinking, stop the drama.. be an adult.. suck it up. Even though I never once said those things, I now feel badly for having ever even thought them.

That's really interesting. I admittedly don't know too much about human psychology, or psychiatry for that matter-- and I wonder if that older cousin's doctor would trade this 20% rate of misfired NT-release to genetic lineage.

Even if it was, there is such a huge, huge difference between genetic-code, and genetic expression (and this area IS one of my stronger suits).

In other words, two people can have a whole slew of oncogenes (genes that tend to be cancer causing)-- yet one will suffer from cancer, and the other will live to 90 years of age. This control of gene expression is one of those things that we will never understand, but I oft wonder if it has to do with factors of mental physiology like stress, and what not.



What I'm saying, is that your wife can have the genes for having the most ****ed up brain of the world, but there is ways for your body to harness mechanisms to halt -- or even change-- the expression of said genes.










tl;dr

Chances are (pretty good ones, at that) that you are completely right, and it's a matter of finding that right balance of drugs. So, I would definitely suggest constantly being in the pursuit of that. At the same time, the lifestyle changes can be filler, or something to help pass the time in between trying to find that right dosage of drugs; and I truly believe that this lifestyle change could only have positive ramifications.

 

[Deleted member 848]

I've recommended that. She said she doesn't want to spend her life there. lol

All good advice from everyone and very much appreciated. Y'all can be aight at times.

I can imagine. I'd still remind her of the possibility, because a thought-process regarding this chain-of-thought can always have a change-of-heart.



Really appreciate how respective, and receptive you are of my offerings as advice. I definitely hope I'm not coming across as condescending or anything-- just trying to provide an alternative perspective for you.

 

[Dr. Jones]

That's really interesting. I admittedly don't know too much about human psychology, or psychiatry for that matter-- and I wonder if that older cousin's doctor would trade this 20% rate of misfired NT-release to genetic lineage.

Even if it was, there is such a huge, huge difference between genetic-code, and genetic expression (and this area IS one of my stronger suits).

In other words, two people can have a whole slew of oncogenes (genes that tend to be cancer causing)-- yet one will suffer from cancer, and the other will live to 90 years of age. This control of gene expression is one of those things that we will never understand, but I oft wonder if it has to do with factors of mental physiology like stress, and what not.



What I'm saying, is that your wife can have the genes for having the most ****ed up brain of the world, but there is ways for your body to harness mechanisms to halt -- or even change-- the expression of said genes.










tl;dr

Chances are (pretty good ones, at that) that you are completely right, and it's a matter of finding that right balance of drugs. So, I would definitely suggest constantly being in the pursuit of that. At the same time, the lifestyle changes can be filler, or something to help pass the time in between trying to find that right dosage of drugs; and I truly believe that this lifestyle change could only have positive ramifications.

Agree with every word. (and I read it)