Alright, I got to sample each of the brews at GF's place, and I feel obliged to give my review -- you know, since I'm such a beer snob.
Rockwell Porter: -- If you dragged a shot glass across the bottom of a Honey Bucket outhouse, poured it into a proctologist's outgoing bio-hazard waste, let it simmer on low heat for a month, and then chewed it down with a side of goat balls, your tongue and mouth would thank you for drinking that instead of this beer. It has a great name, but damn.
YES ESB: -- In case you're wondering what the ESB stands for, I'm pretty positive that it's, "Eating Sour Butt-hole". And just to make sure you're paying attention, they throw in a, "YES" as if to say, "Yes, you're Eating Sour Butt-hole". I am all for a good bung, but I'm not down with sour ones.
Kristallweizen -- Alright, now we're talking. This beer made me sad that I don't drink anymore. I will admit to having an extra taste, uh, just to make sure it wasn't poisonous. Solid beer with good flavor, clean look, and a smooth aftertaste. Hey, one out of three isn't bad GF, you animal.
You're the only one who is really honest with me and I love you for it.