What's new
By:

Dealing with the death of a parent.

jazzman12 said:
Cocain, the story of your mom is so similar to my own mom's story I can't believe it. My mom died a little over a year ago. She spent the better part of her life on hard drugs and alcohol. Towards the end she was off the hard drugs and alcohol but still couldn't shake the presription pain killers. She simply abused her body too hard for too long. Her heart gave out at the age of 49. I wish I could could give you some good advice on how to deal with not being able to say goodbye, but I'm going through the same thing. Our relationship had been strained for about 20 years and we hardly spoke. She lived in Ely, Nevada which made the no contact thing pretty easy. The last time I spoke to her was about 3 months before her death and it was a horrible conversation. I called her up and was yelling at her because she had just told my youngest sister she was in so much pain that she was going to kill herself right after my sister's wedding (my sister was to be married in about a week at that time). It was an ugly, ugly conversation. We didn't even speak at my sister's wedding the following week.

A few months later she called my cell phone about 5 or 6 times in a few day span leaving voicemails each time stating how sorry she was, how much she loved me, and how she just wanted to be able to talk to me again. Each and every time she called, I'd send it straight to voicemail. About 1 week after those phone calls, she was found dead in her living room sitting in her recliner. My relationship with my mother was always horrible, but for the rest of my life I will regret not picking up that phone.
Click to expand...

My mother was 49 as well, 50 on April 4th. I have ignored my mom's calls many times before as well. Your story is eerily similar. I relate in so many ways.

My dad just called me to give me an update, and this day has gotten a bit worse.
My wife and I found her face-down in a pile of puke and blood, her bowels had released, etc. Not going to sugar coat it. I guess because of dying face-down, all of the blood pooled on her front-side once the heart stopped beating, and then dried. Apparently she is black in skin-tone now, and there will not be a viewing nor an open casket. We are going to see her in about an hour and a half. I will most likely force/coax my wife into seeing her, because all my wife sees in her head the past few days is what my mom looked like when we found her..and she looked like she was in pain.

As most people, you're never prepared when someone dies. My mom had been talking about taking out of a life-insurance policy for the past little while, but never did. We are working on opening an account for donations and will be posting an obituary soon. I will keep you updated, for anyone that is interested.
 
Just finished with all of the mortuary/cemetery ****. They really take advantage of people, don't they. $700 to dig a hole and fill it in after? Yeesh. But we're setting the funeral for Tuesday at 10:00AM if we're able to come up with the money in time. All-in-All it's right around $9000, which is, of course, not expected at ALL.

Shameless plug for myself, my family and most of all my mother(in the obituary as well); Since I'm getting the run-around and having issues setting up her Donation/Memorial account, any donations in the mean time can be made at any KeyBank. Matthew W Wall/Krista T Wall - Account# ending in 25677.


You guys have been great, and I appreciate the stories and support thus far. You guys aren't as bad as you initially come across(When I originally joined about 3 years ago). We've got a tight-knit family going on here. =] <3
 
My deepest condolences, my friend, I'm sure, words cannot even begin to express your sorrow, but we can give only words. Unfortunately, I don't have any greatests of them, so I wanted to give you a little poem from Rumi, it helped me in someway in the past, I hope helps you too. I wish I could have found a better translation of it but, anyway...




Our death is our wedding with eternity,
What is the secret? "God is One."

The sunlight splits when entering the windows of the house.
This multiplicity exists in the cluster of grapes;

It is not in the juice made from the grapes.
For he who is living in the Light of God,
The death of the carnal soul is a blessing.

Regarding him, say neither bad nor good,
For he is gone beyond the good and the bad.

Fix your eyes on God and do not talk about what is invisible,
So that he may place another look in your eyes.

It is in the vision of the physical eyes
That no invisible or secret thing exists.

But when the eye is turned toward the Light of God
What thing could remain hidden under such a Light?

Although all lights emanate from the Divine Light
Don't call all these lights "the Light of God";

It is the eternal light which is the Light of God,
The ephemeral light is an attribute of the body and the flesh.

...Oh God who gives the grace of vision!
The bird of vision is flying towards You with the wings of desire.

RUMI
 
I never have experienced anything like this but my wife lost 3 brothers in a car accident 12 years ago.


She said the 1st year was tough but the 2nd was worse as you really realize what you lost.


She's also said you never get over it but praying and always keeping them close to your heart and remembering the good times has helped her cope. Religious or not, just have to think how much more comforted she is right now without the pain and suffering.


Sorry for your loss man and you and your family are in my prayers.
 
If a parent dies you should be celebrating that they got to live a full life or close to it. More young people die then older people. Of course this is easier said then done.
 
For the person that gave me neg rep and called me stupid.

Maybe not in current day America but if you look at the history of the world, most people are lucky to live past their 40's. Oh ya you probably don't care about people from 3rd world countries or people of the past. Ya your probably right they don't deserve to live as long as we do.

People from the past and other 3rd world countries aren't really people so who cares about them right? We deserve to live long while others don't.

Sorry for off topicness. Someone called me stupid and I had to reply back.
 
Goddamn that's awful. I'm sorry for your loss. I wish there was some good advice I could give you to help you, but everyone deals with this in their own way and there is no right or wrong way. If you cry every night, that's fine. If you're angry, that's fine. Whatever helps you and your wife through this difficult time is what you need to do. Again, I am sorry for your loss.
 
The Black Swordsman said:
For the person that gave me neg rep and called me stupid.

Maybe not in current day America but if you look at the history of the world, most people are lucky to live past their 40's. Oh ya you probably don't care about people from 3rd world countries or people of the past. Ya your probably right they don't deserve to live as long as we do.

People from the past and other 3rd world countries aren't really people so who cares about them right? We deserve to live long while others don't.

Sorry for off topicness. Someone called me stupid and I had to reply back.
Click to expand...
Based on your lack of knowledge in the difference between "your" and "you're" and "then" and "than", I can tell you're not exactly Einstein.
 
The Black Swordsman said:
For the person that gave me neg rep and called me stupid.

Maybe not in current day America but if you look at the history of the world, most people are lucky to live past their 40's. Oh ya you probably don't care about people from 3rd world countries or people of the past. Ya your probably right they don't deserve to live as long as we do.

People from the past and other 3rd world countries aren't really people so who cares about them right? We deserve to live long while others don't.

Sorry for off topicness. Someone called me stupid and I had to reply back.
Click to expand...

Your statement was wildly inaccurate, so hopefully whomever called you stupid at least pointed that out. If your parents aren't turds and don't allow you to be killed while you're still developing in the womb and you actually get to live life, you're likely going to live to somewhere in your late 60's on average if you take the entire world population into account, depending on what set of numbers you're looking at(which are likely inflated anyway, but that's another issue). If you would have said something like, " There are many countries in Africa where entire populations struggle to grow old so you should just be happy remembering the time they/you were able live on earth", you would be accurate.
 
Aye. In regards to living as long as she did, I suppose you're right. Cape Town, where they lived after she was born, is the murder capitol of the world. They lived in a gated home with armed guards, and when she was about 15 they moved to the USA. Tuesday grows nearer, not looking forward to it. It's going to be a closed-casket funeral, no viewing. My dad and I went and saw her in the mortuary..well, at least part of her. The only thing we could see was probably from her eyebrows to her chin, and it wasn't pleasant, because she passed face-down, mostly on her stomach. I know it wasn't her, though, just her body. Thanks again for all the nice words and stories. And don't worry about any bickering..this is JazzFanz. A thread isn't a thread without bickering and bitching. Fight!
 
It's been 11 years today that I lost my Mother. It's not been easy. Just try and remember the good times.
 
Cocaine said:
Aye. In regards to living as long as she did, I suppose you're right. Cape Town, where they lived after she was born, is the murder capitol of the world. They lived in a gated home with armed guards, and when she was about 15 they moved to the USA. Tuesday grows nearer, not looking forward to it. It's going to be a closed-casket funeral, no viewing. My dad and I went and saw her in the mortuary..well, at least part of her. The only thing we could see was probably from her eyebrows to her chin, and it wasn't pleasant, because she passed face-down, mostly on her stomach. I know it wasn't her, though, just her body. Thanks again for all the nice words and stories. And don't worry about any bickering..this is JazzFanz. A thread isn't a thread without bickering and bitching. Fight!
Click to expand...


Neither is a family.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Share this page
Back
Top