What's new
By:

How does this happen in a civilised society?

Handlogten's Heros said:
Yeah the girls are different. The perspective thing is true but its tough because she can't see past next week at times. We are trying our best to help her develop more toughness and facilitate an attitude of "who the hell cares what so and so thinks". Its just a struggle. I'd say our struggles are very mild compared to what other parents and kids deal with... its just such a helpless feeling at times.
Click to expand...

I get it, brotha. I do. I never worried about this ****. Ever. And then my brother offed himself. And now, with my own children, I worry about this **** way more than I should considering our oldest is only 7. Genetics and all. Hopefully they all have my wife’s disposition.

Ever tell her to make snide comments back? Like, “Hey, nice flat chest, titless.” Or, “Gonna be a whore like your mother?” Really crude **** like that back to the girls dishing it.
 
@Handlogten's Heros

One thing I do with my oldest (again, she’s just seven but still) is take her out for one on one time. Take her out doing something she enjoys. Then take her out for dinner together and talk to her. She beams and eats it up and really loves that special daddy-daughter time. I feel like sometimes she gets left behind because of our younger two and I try to do this a couple times a year to show her how much she means to me.

Not providing anything each shattering here and I realize your daughter is older. But those “dates” are invaluable IMO.
 
Wes Mantooth said:
@Handlogten's Heros

One thing I do with my oldest (again, she’s just seven but still) is take her out for one on one time. Take her out doing something she enjoys. Then take her out for dinner together and talk to her. She beams and eats it up and really loves that special daddy-daughter time. I feel like sometimes she gets left behind because of our younger two and I try to do this a couple times a year to show her how much she means to me.

Not providing anything each shattering here and I realize your daughter is older. But those “dates” are invaluable IMO.
Click to expand...
We did this with all of our kids. Had a monthly date night for one kid each month with both of us, then we each took turns taking a single kid out for 1 on 1 time each month. I think it really makes a difference.
 
Wes Mantooth said:
@Handlogten's Heros

One thing I do with my oldest (again, she’s just seven but still) is take her out for one on one time. Take her out doing something she enjoys. Then take her out for dinner together and talk to her. She beams and eats it up and really loves that special daddy-daughter time. I feel like sometimes she gets left behind because of our younger two and I try to do this a couple times a year to show her how much she means to me.

Not providing anything each shattering here and I realize your daughter is older. But those “dates” are invaluable IMO.
Click to expand...
For sure… doesn’t even have to be a date. Sometimes I’ll just be headed to run an errand and I’ll grab one of the kids to come with me. Being noticed and given attention is something she responds really well to. Or just hanging out with her for 15 minutes listening to music before she goes to sleep and talking.
 
Wes Mantooth said:
@Handlogten's Heros

One thing I do with my oldest (again, she’s just seven but still) is take her out for one on one time. Take her out doing something she enjoys. Then take her out for dinner together and talk to her. She beams and eats it up and really loves that special daddy-daughter time. I feel like sometimes she gets left behind because of our younger two and I try to do this a couple times a year to show her how much she means to me.

Not providing anything each shattering here and I realize your daughter is older. But those “dates” are invaluable IMO.
Click to expand...
Your oldest is the same age as my granddaughter. Damn I'm old.
 
infection said:
That’s okay. I’m sure everyone here assumes you’re younger than theejazzfan.
Click to expand...
I sure hope so. Now get off my lawn.

I will say this, today I had the bottomless root-beer float at red Robin to go with my dinosaur nuggets.
 
Last edited:
Growing up I was always the one protecting the kids bullies picked on. I grew up bigger and than anyone in elementary and jr high. Wasn’t til high school where everyone caught up to me and I level out. But I hated bullies. I would literally try to get one to “pick on someone their own size” but they never would. To this day. Seeing hate boils my blood. Doesn’t matter if it’s race, sex, or religion. Even this political **** drives me insane. All hate is evil in my eyes. And this poor girl is a victim of that said hate.
 
LogGrad98 said:
I sure hope so. Now get off my lawn.

I will say this, today I had the bottomless root-beer float at red Robin to go with my dinosaur nuggets.
Click to expand...
LOL
 
themanknownassting said:
Growing up I was always the one protecting the kids bullies picked on. I grew up bigger and than anyone in elementary and jr high. Wasn’t til high school where everyone caught up to me and I level out. But I hated bullies. I would literally try to get one to “pick on someone their own size” but they never would. To this day. Seeing hate boils my blood. Doesn’t matter if it’s race, sex, or religion. Even this political **** drives me insane. All hate is evil in my eyes. And this poor girl is a victim of that said hate.
Click to expand...
I didn't protect those kids but I made sure to be nice to the ones being bullied at least.
 
Handlogten's Heros said:
Yeah the girls are different. The perspective thing is true but its tough because she can't see past next week at times. We are trying our best to help her develop more toughness and facilitate an attitude of "who the hell cares what so and so thinks". Its just a struggle. I'd say our struggles are very mild compared to what other parents and kids deal with... its just such a helpless feeling at times.
Click to expand...

We have a lot of those “who cares what other people think” conversations. While it may be true and a great attitude to develop, I find it very hard for kids to grasp. My kids are all very social people. We usually go through the logic of “well, are you stupid/ugly/boring/etc? Then if it’s not true, it shouldn’t bother you. Just like if they were to call you an alien. You’re not an alien, so it’s no big deal.” I think that helps, but it’s a constant battle.


Sent from my iPhone using JazzFanz
 
Wes Mantooth said:
@Handlogten's Heros

One thing I do with my oldest (again, she’s just seven but still) is take her out for one on one time. Take her out doing something she enjoys. Then take her out for dinner together and talk to her. She beams and eats it up and really loves that special daddy-daughter time. I feel like sometimes she gets left behind because of our younger two and I try to do this a couple times a year to show her how much she means to me.

Not providing anything each shattering here and I realize your daughter is older. But those “dates” are invaluable IMO.
Click to expand...

My wife and I take turns taking each of our kids out to dinner with us. It’s a great opportunity for us to talk about what’s going on in a personal and intimate manner. They also know (at least we tell them and I hope they truly know) that if they come to me and say “hey, I need to talk” then I immediately find time to devote to just them. It works pretty well with my oldest two (17F and 14M) right now. There have been a couple times they’ve come to me and asked to talk. We’ve gone for drives and talked or gone and found a nice secluded spot and just had some heart to hearts. I value those immensely. While I love my parents beyond measure, I would have never felt comfortable doing that with them. That’s just not how my family worked. That’s actually changed as I’ve become an adult with a family. More with my father than mother (she’s a big gossiper). Maybe it’s because I spent so many years working for him, the majority of the time with just the two of us around?


Sent from my iPhone using JazzFanz
 
bigb said:
We have a lot of those “who cares what other people think” conversations. While it may be true and a great attitude to develop, I find it very hard for kids to grasp. My kids are all very social people. We usually go through the logic of “well, are you stupid/ugly/boring/etc? Then if it’s not true, it shouldn’t bother you. Just like if they were to call you an alien. You’re not an alien, so it’s no big deal.” I think that helps, but it’s a constant battle.


Sent from my iPhone using JazzFanz
Click to expand...
This is a tough line of discussion, because we are social creatures and seeking to be accepted by our tribe is basically in our DNA, whatever that tribe may be. For kids it is particularly hard because they do not have the social skills yet to handle many of these tough situations. It is absolutely vital to help them see this though, but man is it hard to deal with for them regardless of our discussions with them.

Hell this is hard as adults as well. I have seen more than a few people get themselves in trouble or fired at work because they were trying to be part of the pack of people doing stupid ****.
 
LogGrad98 said:
This is a tough line of discussion, because we are social creatures and seeking to be accepted by our tribe is basically in our DNA, whatever that tribe may be. For kids it is particularly hard because they do not have the social skills yet to handle many of these tough situations. It is absolutely vital to help them see this though, but man is it hard to deal with for them regardless of our discussions with them.

Hell this is hard as adults as well. I have seen more than a few people get themselves in trouble or fired at work because they were trying to be part of the pack of people doing stupid ****.
Click to expand...

One of the things my wife’s depression/anxiety bring out in her is the “I don’t have any friends” complex. I mean it’s true. She is a stay at home mom to 6 kids. When the hell is she going to make friends? At the job she doesn’t go to? The neighborhood functions we’re never around for because our kids are literally playing sports year round?


Sent from my iPhone using JazzFanz
 
bigb said:
One of the things my wife’s depression/anxiety bring out in her is the “I don’t have any friends” complex. I mean it’s true. She is a stay at home mom to 6 kids. When the hell is she going to make friends? At the job she doesn’t go to? The neighborhood functions we’re never around for because our kids are literally playing sports year round?


Sent from my iPhone using JazzFanz
Click to expand...
Adult isolation is a very pervasive and underestimated problem in society. Tends to actually be worse among men. But man that's tough.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Share this page
Back
Top