Hmm I never felt pressure to get married young. Just to get married. But every local lead tries different means to that end.
Married or Single?
- Thread starter Beantown
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Hmm I never felt pressure to get married young. Just to get married. But every local lead tries different means to that end.
Beantown
Well-Known Member
Even outside the church they show this does no more in preventing potential divorce.
The church is pretty clear that they think you should get married as soon as you can. Maybe pressure was the wrong word... coercion? Encouraging marriage before 30 makes sense, but that clearly isn't the strategy.
CONAN
Well-Known Member
I think the Church pushes courtship at a young age. I don't think the Church pushes getting married young. I think that is a culture that developed and not a mandate persay.
CONAN
Well-Known Member
I'd love to see the data on that.
I agree it's cultural, not doctrinal, but when you encourage courtship at a young age, and enforce a strict no-sex-outside-of-marriage policy, the result is young marriages.
Duck Rodgers
Well-Known Member
Not me, it fits my gambling nature perfectly...even though I don't think it's ultimately a gamble at all. I think dating is a 3 month process,
1) Get to know the person for a couple months enough that you want to,
2) Go on a Vacation with them.
3) If they didn't drive you bat **** crazy during that trip and you have a good connection with them and like them in that way, put a ring on it. Being with somebody 24/7 for a week or so is about as good a trial run as you are going to get.
That's exactly how I see it going down for me. That's my litmus test. That time would be all I needed to know. And of course you will still be dating after being engaged for another chunk of time before you got married so there would be plenty of time to call it off. Dragging out the dating process is a huge waste of time to everybody involved to me.
Hartsock
Banned
80? Maybe not 80 but a lot for sure.
That is a pretty good method. Most women are pretty transparent and easily figured out in that time span. There will be exceptions, but generally there will be enough red flags in those situations.
It only takes one person out of the two to bail. 50% of marriages end in divorce, in other words, they are willing to pay a significant price to be out of the marriage. The over 50 crowd now has the fastest growing divorce rate. Based on my experience I would guess that 50% of existing marriages has one unhappy spouse. Many people my age are blindsided by divorce they are so clueless as to how their spouse feels.
Hartsock
Banned
For those without kids involved I would say 80% is accurate
Beantown
Well-Known Member
But for those people that are unhappy in their marriages they will most likely never be happy in a long term relationship.
After a person is divorced their 2nd and 3rd marriages have even higher divorce rates. So that person should probably just find happiness in living alone.
After a person is divorced their 2nd and 3rd marriages have even higher divorce rates. So that person should probably just find happiness in living alone.
Staying together for the kids is not happily married. It is a choice to live a fraud for the benefit of children. It is a noble calling and may even be the right thing to do, but by the time the kids are in high school you are not fooling them. Any 15 year old could describe their parents relationship in a two paragraph essay and be pretty close to 100% accurate.
Hartsock
Banned
Kids keep a lot of marriages together, its just how it is. Whether thats right or wrong, well each situation is different, but the reality is it happens.
On behalf of twitter fANNatic:
Single
Single
CONAN
Well-Known Member
I think if people took the courtship idea seriously it would actually dissuade them from marrying too soon. I think the point there is to date a lot of people and figure out what you like and don't like. And then push forward with decent prospects if any as they come. I do think the Church likes some effort on your part to be somewhat on the look. But I don't think you have to go crazy and be going out all the time. Just an opinion there.
As for the no sex thing are there some kids that get married quick for the sex angle? Sure, but it's not a large number. But there is for sure a risk there of a longer courtship resulting in stuff the Church is gonna frown on. Kind of a catch-22 there. But I really don't think a ton of divorces happen because the couple didn't have sex before marriage. I think a lot of divorces happen because the couples didn't know each other too well before the marriage. Or a better way to say that might be the longer you know your future spouse before marriage the better your chances after. Not always of course.
When I got married I remember a lot of people saying just wait til you really get to know your wife. Like I was in for some surprises. But there were none. We'd been together for years.
CONAN
Well-Known Member
Maybe I am misunderstanding you because that doesn't seem quick or in anyway like gambling to me.
CONAN
Well-Known Member
Agree here. I think there needs to be more honest communication in marriages. Not that it will save a bunch of marriages. It will to some extent. But mostly it will just save time.