Post Moronic Things You've Done to Make Me Feel Better About What I Did
- Thread starter Archie Moses
- Start date
Back on topic...
A week ago I go pretty hammered and was bored by 3 p.m. I decided to show my boys--4 and 2--the right way to play with gasoline and poured some over a trouble spot on the side of my house. I threw a match on and Wooof! The kids ran two houses down but decided to come back and enjoy the festivities. Obviously more gas was in order and the weeds weren't all burnt anyway. So I bit the top of an empty beer can off and filled it up with gasoline. Pour, pour, pour... "more, more, more". Well I hit a spot I didn't think was lit and caught my hand on fire. The blisters are just now healing.
A year ago I got really drunk and decided I wanted onion rings. Out come the fancy new mechanical slicer that I couldn't resist buying from an Ed McMahon type presentation. I got the first 3 or 4 rings cut before adding the tips of two of my fingers into the mix. Yum! Into Instacare for a few stitches in pinky and burning the next finger over shut. I got Lortabs out of it so it ended up being worth it. Funny thing is my wife decided to bust her eye open by breaking a glass light shade over her head the very next day. Between her eye and my hand I looked like a wife beater. Luckily the alibis held up when the cops came asking (ok, the cops part isn't true).
A week ago I go pretty hammered and was bored by 3 p.m. I decided to show my boys--4 and 2--the right way to play with gasoline and poured some over a trouble spot on the side of my house. I threw a match on and Wooof! The kids ran two houses down but decided to come back and enjoy the festivities. Obviously more gas was in order and the weeds weren't all burnt anyway. So I bit the top of an empty beer can off and filled it up with gasoline. Pour, pour, pour... "more, more, more". Well I hit a spot I didn't think was lit and caught my hand on fire. The blisters are just now healing.
A year ago I got really drunk and decided I wanted onion rings. Out come the fancy new mechanical slicer that I couldn't resist buying from an Ed McMahon type presentation. I got the first 3 or 4 rings cut before adding the tips of two of my fingers into the mix. Yum! Into Instacare for a few stitches in pinky and burning the next finger over shut. I got Lortabs out of it so it ended up being worth it. Funny thing is my wife decided to bust her eye open by breaking a glass light shade over her head the very next day. Between her eye and my hand I looked like a wife beater. Luckily the alibis held up when the cops came asking (ok, the cops part isn't true).
A few years ago I was way into BBQing, and I mean slow cooking dry-rubbed brisket, ribs, butt roast, etc. with chunks of wood and coal. So one time I'm getting the coals going only I don't think they're heating up fast enough. So I grab the charcoal fluid and start spraying the already lit charcoal down. Just then my son comes to the back deck to ask me a question. I continue to spray the charcoal down. As I start to answer him I grab the lighter, you know the safe kind with the long shaft for BBQs and stuff, and light all the vaporized lighter fluid--booosh--fireball in my face. My son was terrorized. He want inside and told my wife I lit myself on fire and probably wouldn't be making BBQ anymore. I got a pretty good burn on the side of my face, neck and a forearm. No instacare, though. I tuffed it out.
Wasn't a tough it out thing .. it's a I hate to try to not act drunk, when I'm drunk, thing.
I like gasoline:
I worked as a boat technician years back and had this boat with water in the gas tank problems. I had to siphon 80+ gallons out of the floor. We didn't have a pump made for this kind of thing so my boss rigged up this pump with two alligator clamps to hold onto the terminals of a 12 volt battery. It's also hard to put 80 gallons of gas somewhere and it can't go down the floor drain. I filled up about 15 gallons in real gas cans and started putting the rest into empty 1 gallon RV/Marine antifreeze jugs. I go to town and fill up 12 or 15 of these jugs sitting inside the boat. There's no way to fill up 1 gallon jugs and transfer the tube without dripping some out unless you want to take 3 days to do the job. It also wasn't so easy to shut this little pump off at the right moment without overfilling a jug or two. So I get gasoline all over the place and am surrounded by open jugs full of more. Bad idea.
I put the alligator clamps onto the terminals for another jug and created a small spark. Booom! Up goes a ball of fire. I yell to the dip **** nephews of this douchebag who was in the process of buying the shop to get me a fire extinguisher and get a "huh?"... pause... "you okay". Luckily, I was able to put all the jugs out with my hat before one tipped over or melted and it ended pretty harmless. It scared the hell out of me though.
I worked as a boat technician years back and had this boat with water in the gas tank problems. I had to siphon 80+ gallons out of the floor. We didn't have a pump made for this kind of thing so my boss rigged up this pump with two alligator clamps to hold onto the terminals of a 12 volt battery. It's also hard to put 80 gallons of gas somewhere and it can't go down the floor drain. I filled up about 15 gallons in real gas cans and started putting the rest into empty 1 gallon RV/Marine antifreeze jugs. I go to town and fill up 12 or 15 of these jugs sitting inside the boat. There's no way to fill up 1 gallon jugs and transfer the tube without dripping some out unless you want to take 3 days to do the job. It also wasn't so easy to shut this little pump off at the right moment without overfilling a jug or two. So I get gasoline all over the place and am surrounded by open jugs full of more. Bad idea.
I put the alligator clamps onto the terminals for another jug and created a small spark. Booom! Up goes a ball of fire. I yell to the dip **** nephews of this douchebag who was in the process of buying the shop to get me a fire extinguisher and get a "huh?"... pause... "you okay". Luckily, I was able to put all the jugs out with my hat before one tipped over or melted and it ended pretty harmless. It scared the hell out of me though.
Last edited:
The Fresh Prince
Well-Known Member
Ready? BRAKE!
Gyp Rosetti
Banned
That's hilarious.
I tried to dunk on this 6'8 athletic guy at the air force base today on a fastbreak. He rejected the **** hard right before i got to the rim, fell hard on my back and all my friends laughed at me.
Should have just pulled up for a jumper.
Should have just pulled up for a jumper.
Or passed it to Al .. then safely stand and watch.
I think that's hour roll as a mail figure in the home. We kneed to be the example for our kids, and show them how to be tuff. It takes time to brake them in, so they can be tuff two. Don't even get me started on teaching teenagers the difference between the gas petal and the break petal. By the way I hate the cent of burnt hare, its the wurst.
Some of these stories are just offal, and a boar to reed, but I guess you may be trying to cover your bases... but are trying whey to hard oar giving a pore effort.
That storie about meating up with those chicks on that rode trip, I dont bye it.
Archie... Is that you?
K, somebody took that joke WAY too far.
Yeah, this joke needs to put on the breaks.
UGLI baby
Well-Known Member
Today, I had a long lunch brake so I decided to get some errands done. Went and got an oil change, a car wash, and got my breaks fixed.
Stupid thing is, I left my wallet at the break shop so I had to go back to grab it, by the time I got back to work I was about a half hour late from my lunch brake and my boss flipped. I told him about leaving my wallet at the break repair shop, but he didnt want to hear it and sent me home early.
Hopefully I still have a job when I go in tomorrow morning or I think my girlfriend will probly brake up with me
Sooo, did you end up losing your job or what Archibald?? And did your gal pal break up with you?
Dont leave us hangin, brah.
