I don't know what just brought this memory on but I remember something that happened when I was like 19 years old working as a waiter at the Lonestar Steakhouse in Midvale.
First, I was an absolute terrible waiter. I really wasn't good at it and my customers were 100% unlucky to get me as a server. Most people were polite enough but my tips were full on trash. This is a story about a guy who wasn't polite about it...
So this was a table of three people, a father, his wife and their son. The guy was a blow-hard jackass from the first second, before I had even had a chance to show my *****ly waiter skills. He was probably in his 40s, his kid was an early teen and his wife seemed like she was a hostage to this monster.
So vibe was bad right away, but the thing that happened that has stuck with me for over 20 years now was when I brought him his salad. He had asked for no onion. The salads are premade so I just basically take the saran wrap off the bowl, grab a little cup of the dressing they asked for and take it out. If they ask for no onion then I jab my hand into the bowl and pull the onion out, but I forgot to do that part. So when I get to the table and give him the salad it becomes a big production. He is telling me how much trash I am and how stupid I am and how simple it would have been to simply give him a salad with no onion. He then pulls the onion off the salad, these are full rings of red onion and he tells me to put my finger out. I do and he proceeds to put the rings of onion on my finger like I was a human version of the ring game at the fair and then tells me to take them away.
That's the thing that I remember most, but he was a jerk the entire time. Big boisterous loud jackass. So I'm having fantasies of putting a fork in his eye, but I resist.
This is the late 90s and this dumb ************ makes a mistake. He paid with a check...
So I wasn't a good kid. At this point I'm 19 and I've never gotten in any trouble as an adult, not then not now. But the crowd I ran with wasn't a bunch of boyscouts. As a juvenile, I've mentioned this before, I was charged with 5 felonies. I'm not going to get into the details of all that here, but I had been in trouble as a juvenile. I wasn't looking for adult grade consequences so I stopped doing stupid **** once I hit 18. This was going to be an exception.
Checks have personal info on them, like name, address and phone number. I copied that info down.
Little side story for a second. My parents had a Ford Taurus and they had added a U-haul installed trailer hitch to it. They had the car for a long time, it was an '86 and this was mid 90s and at this point I was driving that car primarily as they had their own newer cars. When I was around 16 and driving that car I discovered the trailer hitch did pretty good doubling as a battering ram. One of our friends got harassed by some people up the street so one night I backed that Taurus into their garage door and put a nice hole in it. Later we would drive by as they were playing BBall in their driveway and scream out the window "How's your garage?" Again, I wasn't a good kid and that's fairly mild compared to some other stuff.
So why that was relevant was because we took a little trip over to jackasse's house. and he had a car parked in front of his house and there was an empty driveway across the street from them. My buddy got out and threw a rock through a big picture window and then I backed up real fast from the across the street driveway and put that trailer hitch through his front passenger door. Then we took off.
We had his phone number so from another friend's house we called (this was before the mass proliferation of caller ID) his phone a couple days later and I asked him if he liked treating people like **** and if it was worth the things that happened to his house. He went into a rage and promised that he'd find me and I'd pay and all that. I told him he was a jackass.
For me this was stupid because I was an adult and I didn't want adult charges. I was very conscious as a juvenile that my punishments would be small and the record would disappear once I was an adult, so once I turned 18 I put a hard stop on doing anything that could get me in any serious trouble. But I made an exception for this guy.
Okay, that's my fun story. I'm sure many of you think less of me now, if that's possible, but whatever. What stupid **** did you do when you were young?
First, I was an absolute terrible waiter. I really wasn't good at it and my customers were 100% unlucky to get me as a server. Most people were polite enough but my tips were full on trash. This is a story about a guy who wasn't polite about it...
So this was a table of three people, a father, his wife and their son. The guy was a blow-hard jackass from the first second, before I had even had a chance to show my *****ly waiter skills. He was probably in his 40s, his kid was an early teen and his wife seemed like she was a hostage to this monster.
So vibe was bad right away, but the thing that happened that has stuck with me for over 20 years now was when I brought him his salad. He had asked for no onion. The salads are premade so I just basically take the saran wrap off the bowl, grab a little cup of the dressing they asked for and take it out. If they ask for no onion then I jab my hand into the bowl and pull the onion out, but I forgot to do that part. So when I get to the table and give him the salad it becomes a big production. He is telling me how much trash I am and how stupid I am and how simple it would have been to simply give him a salad with no onion. He then pulls the onion off the salad, these are full rings of red onion and he tells me to put my finger out. I do and he proceeds to put the rings of onion on my finger like I was a human version of the ring game at the fair and then tells me to take them away.
That's the thing that I remember most, but he was a jerk the entire time. Big boisterous loud jackass. So I'm having fantasies of putting a fork in his eye, but I resist.
This is the late 90s and this dumb ************ makes a mistake. He paid with a check...
So I wasn't a good kid. At this point I'm 19 and I've never gotten in any trouble as an adult, not then not now. But the crowd I ran with wasn't a bunch of boyscouts. As a juvenile, I've mentioned this before, I was charged with 5 felonies. I'm not going to get into the details of all that here, but I had been in trouble as a juvenile. I wasn't looking for adult grade consequences so I stopped doing stupid **** once I hit 18. This was going to be an exception.
Checks have personal info on them, like name, address and phone number. I copied that info down.
Little side story for a second. My parents had a Ford Taurus and they had added a U-haul installed trailer hitch to it. They had the car for a long time, it was an '86 and this was mid 90s and at this point I was driving that car primarily as they had their own newer cars. When I was around 16 and driving that car I discovered the trailer hitch did pretty good doubling as a battering ram. One of our friends got harassed by some people up the street so one night I backed that Taurus into their garage door and put a nice hole in it. Later we would drive by as they were playing BBall in their driveway and scream out the window "How's your garage?" Again, I wasn't a good kid and that's fairly mild compared to some other stuff.
So why that was relevant was because we took a little trip over to jackasse's house. and he had a car parked in front of his house and there was an empty driveway across the street from them. My buddy got out and threw a rock through a big picture window and then I backed up real fast from the across the street driveway and put that trailer hitch through his front passenger door. Then we took off.
We had his phone number so from another friend's house we called (this was before the mass proliferation of caller ID) his phone a couple days later and I asked him if he liked treating people like **** and if it was worth the things that happened to his house. He went into a rage and promised that he'd find me and I'd pay and all that. I told him he was a jackass.
For me this was stupid because I was an adult and I didn't want adult charges. I was very conscious as a juvenile that my punishments would be small and the record would disappear once I was an adult, so once I turned 18 I put a hard stop on doing anything that could get me in any serious trouble. But I made an exception for this guy.
Okay, that's my fun story. I'm sure many of you think less of me now, if that's possible, but whatever. What stupid **** did you do when you were young?
Last edited:
