He heard you say that before you even thought it.
Last edited:
The Official Fight the boredom of off-season with humor thread.
- Thread starter Former Member
- Start date
He heard you say that before you even thought it.
I think it's time to add some more Chuck Norris jokes to the thread (you only have yourself to blame Enes).
Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.
A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris is a man of few words. Chuck Norris is not a man of few roundhouse kicks to the face.
Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.
A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris is a man of few words. Chuck Norris is not a man of few roundhouse kicks to the face.
Three military-themed jokes for you all. (First one is a little dated now, but you can change the names in your head as appropriate. The third one's been around a long time in a lot of different forms, but it's still good.)
_______
A squad of American soldiers is patrolling along the Iraqi border. To their surprise, they find the badly mangled dead body of an Iraqi soldier in a ditch along the road.
A short distance up the road, they find a badly mangled American soldier in a ditch on the other side of the road, and is still barely alive. They run to him, cradle his blood-covered head, and ask him what happened.
"Well," he whispers, "I was walking down this road, armed to the teeth. I came across this heavily armed Iraqi border guard. I looked him right in the eye and shouted, 'Saddam Hussein is an unprincipled, lying *******!'"
"He looked me right in the eye and shouted back, 'Bill Clinton is an unprincipled, lying *******!'"
"We were standing there shaking hands when the truck hit us."
_______
Just before a soldier made his first parachute jump, his sergeant reminded him, “Count to ten and pull the first rip cord. If it snarls, pull the second rip cord for the auxiliary chute. After you land, our truck will pick you up.”
The paratrooper took a deep breath and jumped. He counted to ten and pulled the first cord. Nothing happened. He pulled the second cord. Again, nothing happened. As he careened crazily earthward, he said to himself, “Damn. Nothing's going right. Now I'll bet that damn truck won't be there either!”
_______
The Company Commander and the 1st Sgt, were in the field. As they hit the sack for the night, the 1SG said: "Sir, look up into the sky and tell me what you see."
The CO said "I see millions of stars."
1st Sgt.: "And what does that tell you, sir?"
CO: Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Theologically, it tells me that God is great and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it tells me that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you, Top?"
1st Sgt.: "Well sir, it tells me that somebody stole our tent"
_______
A squad of American soldiers is patrolling along the Iraqi border. To their surprise, they find the badly mangled dead body of an Iraqi soldier in a ditch along the road.
A short distance up the road, they find a badly mangled American soldier in a ditch on the other side of the road, and is still barely alive. They run to him, cradle his blood-covered head, and ask him what happened.
"Well," he whispers, "I was walking down this road, armed to the teeth. I came across this heavily armed Iraqi border guard. I looked him right in the eye and shouted, 'Saddam Hussein is an unprincipled, lying *******!'"
"He looked me right in the eye and shouted back, 'Bill Clinton is an unprincipled, lying *******!'"
"We were standing there shaking hands when the truck hit us."
_______
Just before a soldier made his first parachute jump, his sergeant reminded him, “Count to ten and pull the first rip cord. If it snarls, pull the second rip cord for the auxiliary chute. After you land, our truck will pick you up.”
The paratrooper took a deep breath and jumped. He counted to ten and pulled the first cord. Nothing happened. He pulled the second cord. Again, nothing happened. As he careened crazily earthward, he said to himself, “Damn. Nothing's going right. Now I'll bet that damn truck won't be there either!”
_______
The Company Commander and the 1st Sgt, were in the field. As they hit the sack for the night, the 1SG said: "Sir, look up into the sky and tell me what you see."
The CO said "I see millions of stars."
1st Sgt.: "And what does that tell you, sir?"
CO: Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Theologically, it tells me that God is great and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it tells me that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you, Top?"
1st Sgt.: "Well sir, it tells me that somebody stole our tent"
EDIT: This was posted earlier in the thread. Fail.
Last edited:
Former Member
Banned
Former Member
Banned
jacktheripper
Well-Known Member
I don't know what the hell this says, but memo posted this on his twitter.
Former Member
Banned
It amazes me that people still don't know Turkish in this age. Let me help you.
wind*(enclasp, tuck up, ?) I couldn't find the exact word but it's a political allusion to the corruption, defraudation etc.
Last edited:
Former Member
Banned
Former Member
Banned
Former Member
Banned
Joe Bagadonuts
Well-Known Member
We were in Indonesia once and there was a situation similar to this. My mom and another woman couldn't get across the street for about half an hour. My dad and I were on the other side and couldn't stop laughing. Every time they got halfway they got scared and ran for their lives back to the other side. Later we rode in a bus and learned the traffic rule. Whatever is biggest has the right of way. Cars, motorcycles, bikes, pedestrians and dogs who don't know how important it is to get out of the way of busses will soon be flattened.
Joe Bagadonuts
Well-Known Member
This is supposed to be funny?
Former Member
Banned
They can't all be winners. You should post some better stuff.
Last edited: