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The Official Fight the boredom of off-season with humor thread.

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Once upon a time there was an old man who spent most of his days sitting on a keg at the old pirate port in Trinidad, whiling away his time, chatting with the old salts who came and went. One day the typical storybook pirate with pegleg, a hook attached to his arm and a black patch over one eye, came strolling up to the old man and they started a conversation.

"Say, looks like you’ve been in a scrape or two," the old man said. "How did you get that wooden leg of yours?"

"Happened a long time ago. We was hauling some booty to an island in a little dinghy. When it hit the beach, I stepped out and didn’t see that crocodile waiting for me. Got me up to me knee afore I could break away."

"Terrible, just terrible," said the old man. "And I suppose you didn’t fare much better losing that arm."

"No, indeed. We had been setting in the Florida Keys, waiting for a merchant ship to come by with a bounty from England. When we spied upon it and went to cast off, the anchor came stuck in the coral reef. I dove down to loosen it up and a shark came up from behind and with one bite took away me arm, right up to me elbow."

"Man, oh man. You do have some bad luck. So tell me, why do you have that patch over your eye?"

"Arrr! Was the first day I had me new hook attached to me arm. Was looking up at the mainsail when a pigeon pooped in me eye."
 
A bus load of politicians were driving down a country road when all of a sudden the bus ran off the road and crashed into a tree in an old farmer's field. The old farmer after seeing what happened went over to investigate. He then proceeded to dig a hole and bury the politicians.

A few days later, the local sheriff came out, saw the crashed bus, and then asked the old farmer, "Were they all dead?"

The old farmer replied, "Well, some of them said they weren't, but you know how them politicians lie."
 
A man walks into an upscale bar located on the 20th floor of a Manhattan high rise. As he sits down the person seated next to him strikes up a conversation.

"Did you know that with the way all these tall buildings channel the wind you can jump out the window of this bar and the winds will blow you right back in? Here, let me show you."

The stranger proceeds to open the window and jumps out. Sure enough, he falls about 5 feet, gets lifted up into the air and drops right back into the open window landing on his feet.

"Wow! That is simply amazing!! I have to try this!"

The second man walks up to the window and jumps out only to fall 20 stories and splat on the sidewalk.

The first man sits back down at the bar and takes a drink out of his glass.

The bartender looks at him with disgust. "You are one mean drunk Superman."
 
By the way, how can you guys make jokes at such a serious time as this? We should be debating Romney's taxes, Social Security, and the drunken Utes vs. angelic cougs.
 
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