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Deleted member 848
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HUGE Dilbert fan. Glad I can join this thread and finally post in it, its been one of my favs during my days of banishment.
The Official Fight the boredom of off-season with humor thread.
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jacktheripper
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This came up on my Dilbert calendar this weekend and seems fitting with the phone makers all suing each other.
More Dilbert.
I feel like this applies to Jazzfanz as well.
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Deleted member 848
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Love these comics. Thanks for reminding me to post some, Kicky.
A Sunday school teacher was instructing her class. Just before she dismissed them to go to church she asked them, "Why is it necessary to be quiet in church?"
Little Johnny was quick to blurt out what he was certain was the correct answer, "Because people are sleeping!"
______
A pastor was giving the children's message during church. For this part of the service, he would gather all the children around him and give a brief lesson before dismissing them for children's church.
On this particular Sunday, he was using squirrels for an object lesson on industry and preparation. He started out by saying, "I'm going to describe something, and I want you to raise your hand when you know what it is." The children nodded eagerly.
"This thing lives in trees (pause) and eats nuts (pause)..." No hands went up. "And it is gray (pause) and has a long bushy tail (pause)..." The children were looking at each other, but still no hands raised. "And it jumps from branch to branch (pause) and chatters and flips its tail when it's excited (pause)..."
Finally one little boy tentatively raised his hand. The pastor breathed a sigh of relief and called on him. "Well...," said the boy, "I know the answer must be Jesus...but it sure sounds like a squirrel to me!"
______
Three preachers sat discussing the best positions for prayer while a telephone repairman worked nearby.
"Kneeling is definitely best," claimed one.
"No," another contended. "I get the best results standing with my hands outstretched to Heaven."
"You're both wrong," the third insisted. "The most effective prayer position is lying prostrate, face down on the floor."
The repairman could contain himself no longer. "Hey, fellas," he interrupted, "the best prayin' I ever did was hangin' upside down from a telephone pole."
Little Johnny was quick to blurt out what he was certain was the correct answer, "Because people are sleeping!"
______
A pastor was giving the children's message during church. For this part of the service, he would gather all the children around him and give a brief lesson before dismissing them for children's church.
On this particular Sunday, he was using squirrels for an object lesson on industry and preparation. He started out by saying, "I'm going to describe something, and I want you to raise your hand when you know what it is." The children nodded eagerly.
"This thing lives in trees (pause) and eats nuts (pause)..." No hands went up. "And it is gray (pause) and has a long bushy tail (pause)..." The children were looking at each other, but still no hands raised. "And it jumps from branch to branch (pause) and chatters and flips its tail when it's excited (pause)..."
Finally one little boy tentatively raised his hand. The pastor breathed a sigh of relief and called on him. "Well...," said the boy, "I know the answer must be Jesus...but it sure sounds like a squirrel to me!"
______
Three preachers sat discussing the best positions for prayer while a telephone repairman worked nearby.
"Kneeling is definitely best," claimed one.
"No," another contended. "I get the best results standing with my hands outstretched to Heaven."
"You're both wrong," the third insisted. "The most effective prayer position is lying prostrate, face down on the floor."
The repairman could contain himself no longer. "Hey, fellas," he interrupted, "the best prayin' I ever did was hangin' upside down from a telephone pole."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p6no_T_w_2I&playnext=1&list=PLBDB87068B56656E1&feature=results_video
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qtw-4y340tk
There's not much off-season left, but I'll keep posting here for this week at least.
In the math department, we have a challenge board, where problems get posted by math teachers for each other to solve. It has this conversaiton on it.
Challenge: If k=gcd(x,y), prove that k divides any linear combination of ax + by
Person A: What about πx + ey?
Person B: Yes, vacuously.
Person A: What if my thermos is broken?
Person B: If is broke in the forest, it made a sound, but not a noise.
Challenge: If k=gcd(x,y), prove that k divides any linear combination of ax + by
Person A: What about πx + ey?
Person B: Yes, vacuously.
Person A: What if my thermos is broken?
Person B: If is broke in the forest, it made a sound, but not a noise.