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Toilet Paper

I must be tired, because I am trying to control hysterical laughter here at work. Poop humor usually isn't my thing.
 
Gameface said:
Okay it went unnoticed but I posted the solution on the first page.

Wake up...drink coffee...poop...move on with life.

That's pretty much everything you need to know about poop. If you wake up at the same time everyday, and drink coffee (coffee is a magical poop inducing medicine if used this way), then poop, you'll be in a solid (no pun intended) routine. You will never need to poop out of cycle again.
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That and the first smoke. It fires up the rocket. Or fires out.
 
JazzGal said:
I must be tired, because I am trying to control hysterical laughter here at work. Poop humor usually isn't my thing.
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This makes me happy
 
The Thriller said:
Weird question.

I'm very particular about what kind of TP I use. I'm all about the double ply white and comfy stuff. Unfortunately, the job I work at uses the thinnest, hardest, most transparent stuff there is. It's awful. You wipe and 45 mins later ya have to go back and wipe again because it's so damn itchy. Then you have to go back again and by that time you're bleeding. I talked to a coworker recently about this and he uses baby wipes.

I'm not a huge fan as they feel weird on my butt. Besides, I don't want to carry them every time I need to use the throne.

Obviously, I can't be the only one suffering from this type of cheap crappy toilet paper. What do y'all do? Wrap it around your hand a million times to give yourself some padding? Douse the paper in water? Bring your own TP? What kind?

Have you changed your wiping techniques? I've always been a come in from the right side and wipe up towards the lower back wiper.
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The perfect cleaning would be to wipe your *******'s crap with TP until the massive stuff is gone and then wash it with water using your left hand if you eat with your right hand and then wash your hands two times -yes two times then dry and get out to light up a climax cigarette.

As for myself, I don't care too much for the quality and hardness of the TP as much as I care for the amount because I need to use miles of'em to clean my crap. I wipe and I wipe and sometimes there really is no end to it so I just wash it with water until I clean up the entire rack.





And remember kids, if you ever gonna wipe your *** like I do, wipe it safe.






mantiphat.jpg
 
Well, this figures, and I have only myself to blame. Having my morning laxative, I mean java, while reading this highly informative guide, I allowed the crucial moment to pass. Now I'm constipated, and will have to give it another shot tomorrow morning:-(
 
I've always felt Toilet Paper is so primitive. I feel like Humans should have something better than paper that we wipe our asses with. That's just me though.
 
Ignacio said:
I've always felt Toilet Paper is so primitive. I feel like Humans should have something better than paper that we wipe our asses with. That's just me though.
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Good call
 
Ignacio said:
I've always felt Toilet Paper is so primitive. I feel like Humans should have something better than paper that we wipe our asses with. That's just me though.
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You lilydaisy, I've used big leafs or even rocks if I had to.
 
No seriously, as a kid that was raised in a small town of a rural area in Spain there were times I was too far from home to rush back to take a dump. So I had to use whatever was at hand to wipe my butt.
 
Ignacio said:
I've always felt Toilet Paper is so primitive. I feel like Humans should have something better than paper that we wipe our asses with. That's just me though.
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Weird, but since you say you've put so much thought into this, what are your high-tech ideas for butt wiping?
 
Joe Bagadonuts said:
Weird, but since you say you've put so much thought into this, what are your high-tech ideas for butt wiping?
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Maybe he's thinking some kind of laser technique, embedded in the toilet itself. All you have to do is spread your butt cheeks and let the laser finish the work.
 
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