Wife cheated on me... again

[DarkMount]

Probably inappropriate and none of you really know me, but I had no where to go and no one to talk to. (long)

A litte back story... We got married when she was 19 (both grew up Mormon, but not anymore) obviously way to young. So she never got to experience a lot of life.

Move ahead 7 years and she came to me and admitted she had cheated on me with two other guys a couple times each. I was a wreck of course, but I wasn't the best husband either and she was super depressed so I decided to give things a chance. I had a lot of fixing of myself to do as well. We worked on things and things actually got better than they ever were before. I was a better person and she was also in a better mental state.

She decided to stop being a stay at home mom (we have 2 boys 8 yrs and 5 yrs) and go to school for a career. I supported her and we made things work. Things were going great. The best years of our marriage. She got accepted into the rad tech program she always wanted and things were awesome.

Problem is I was laid off from my 10 year job right then. Things were tough, but we scrapped by until I found a new job. But she was so stressed out. I was so stressed out that we didn't focus on each other. She was always studying or doing clinicals or school that we had no time for each other. That's when the problem started, but I had no idea. She was at clinicals and the guys would flirt with her call her beautiful and she loved it. (I said it everyday, but she says she felt like I said it because I was obligated to. Which was obviously untrue.)

This is what she told me tonight.

She decided she liked all the attention. Funny enough (not really) she heard about the Ashley Madison hack and thought 'what the hell is that' so she looked it up. She was intrigued so she signed up. She met some rich guy there and had a six month affair. She eventually broke that off. But later she was still stressed about studying and finishing her boards so she would go to a male friends house that I didn't now about and after a few times they ended up sleeping together.

The thing about her is its more like a drug addiction. It's the emotional high she got from it. So I don't know how to handle this. Would I be totally stupid to stick around and try to get through this. If she was having drug problems I wouldn't want to abandon her through her struggles. I don't know how to go through with this.

I'm going to tell her in the morning that it's over. But I still really love her and she does me. It was just a messed up situation. If it was the first time then because of the whole situation I may have been able to get past it. But I think i would be totally stupid to stay at this point.

Sorry for the novel. Any thoughts? I just really had to let this out somewhere.

**tl;dr wife cheated on me again. Some other underlying issues. Is it wrong for me to leave her. We have 2 kids.**

 

[babe]

Maybe I don't know what love is, really, but pretty sure it isn't really just a hot chick hooked on hose. You need to see some value in her beyond her looks.

Tell her what that value is, see if it makes a difference.

 

[DarkMount]

Maybe I don't know what love is, really, but pretty sure it isn't really just a hot chick hooked on hose. You need to see some value in her beyond her looks.

Tell her what that value is, see if it makes a difference.

I understand that. I always told her she was my rock star and that she was so intelligent. Graduated high honors 3.9 GPA. Always tried to let he know how amazed I was by her and how proud I was. It was never just about looks. But the reason she kept telling me she got interested in other guys was because they said she was beautiful. Even though I said it, she didn't feel it from me.

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[Miggs]

I'm very against cheating so if it's me, I'm outta there. As tough as the ******** laws are for husbands, I imagine that you could win custody of the kids given her unstable state of mind, continuous cheating, and such. If she tries to lie, you have your computer for IT guys to prove she did. And cell records would help support that as well I'd think. I'm sorry for you and very sorry for the kids. That's a ****ty situation. Good luck, man.

 

[DarkMount]

Thanks for the replies. But yeah, I haven't slept at all tonight and sis a ton of reading. I've made up my mind and I am done. It's time to move on.

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[Miggs]

I'd just add that while its good to be reflective about all this, I wouldn't dwell on it. People pretty much are who they are imo and her actions are not a reflection of you. Reflect some, but move on, live a happy life with your kids, and when the time is right and if you're up for it, find your true love.

 

[Boris]

Go to the bar an bring some hot tang home with you. Ignore her and bang loud in the bedroom. Either she cries on the couch understanding how it feels or she joins you. Win win sitch for you.

 

[moevillini]

The thing I don't understand at all is that if she's feeling stressed about her work, studies, tests, kids, finances etc - how does having an extra-curricular relationship relieve that stress? Seems to me that would add to the stress.
So that "excuse" seems like a total cop-out.

Best of luck as you figure out how to move forward.

 

[Dr. Jones]

I'm all about MAKING things work and rarely believe the right answer is quitting.

I'm sorry to share my opinion is your wife is simply a whore and you AND YOUR KIDS are better off with you two apart. Life is too short for this ****.
Leave. Spend the time, currently hand-wringing, with your kids and whatever it is that makes you happy, instead.
She's not worth another minute.

And don't be shy or embarrassed.. Come back here and talk all you want/need.
This isn't on you.

 

[fishonjazz]

The thing I don't understand at all is that if she's feeling stressed about her work, studies, tests, kids, finances etc - how does having an extra-curricular relationship relieve that stress? Seems to me that would add to the stress.
So that "excuse" seems like a total cop-out.

Best of luck as you figure out how to move forward.

I agree with this. Seems like she just doesn't want to be accountable or take responsibility.

Im so sorry for you man. That's just a horrible situation. Try to remember that this **** happens every day to so many people and lots of people get through it and end up happier. So crappy that there are kids involved.

I wish you the best of luck.

 

[Boris]

The thing I don't understand at all is that if she's feeling stressed about her work, studies, tests, kids, finances etc - how does having an extra-curricular relationship relieve that stress? Seems to me that would add to the stress.
So that "excuse" seems like a total cop-out.

Best of luck as you figure out how to move forward.

My guess is she did not get it out of her system so to speak. Marriage at 19. Mormon so I am guessing a virgin at marriage. She probably wants to explore the world and experience things she wanted to as a teenager but did not as religion held her back from doing so. This is not uncommon even if it is not the way to act as a adult.

 

[Dr. Jones]

My guess is she did not get it out of her system so to speak. Marriage at 19. Mormon so I am guessing a virgin at marriage. She probably wants to explore the world and experience things she wanted to as a teenager but did not as religion held her back from doing so. This is not uncommon even if it is not the way to act as a adult.

Stop. Sewing of wild oats has nothing to do with it.
Nor does Mormonism.
Better guess is she's an entirely selfish narcissistic fiend.

 

[Gameface]

Unless you want to be in an open relationship I don't think there's any fixing things.

 

[DarkMount]

Unless you want to be in an open relationship I don't think there's any fixing things.

I agree, and we talked about that a bit a while back. But I decided it wasn't going to work for me.

I've talked to her again and we have both decided it would best for everyone if we were to just move on.

Thanks everyone for the comments it actually really helped me figure out where I stand and what I should do. I think it will be better for me especially in the long run. I honestly never felt she loved me and she's pretty much agreed with that.

Sent from my Nexus 5 using JazzFanz mobile app

 

[DarkMount]

The thing I don't understand at all is that if she's feeling stressed about her work, studies, tests, kids, finances etc - how does having an extra-curricular relationship relieve that stress? Seems to me that would add to the stress.
So that "excuse" seems like a total cop-out.

Best of luck as you figure out how to move forward.

Her reasoning was that it allowed her to go to a place in her head where none of those things were. Or whatever. But you are right.

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[Dr. Jones]

Obviously you can do way way better.
Treat her well during the process. This isn't the time to get even.
Do what's best for you but not in a vengeful way.
Glass is 3/4 full now.

 

[Gameface]

I'm very against cheating so if it's me, I'm outta there. As tough as the ******** laws are for husbands, I imagine that you could win custody of the kids given her unstable state of mind, continuous cheating, and such. If she tries to lie, you have your computer for IT guys to prove she did. And cell records would help support that as well I'd think. I'm sorry for you and very sorry for the kids. That's a ****ty situation. Good luck, man.

In Utah the woman will always get custody. I mean she could be a crackhead, abusive, adulterous, crook. She'll get custody and a nice child support check.

Sounds like she pulled the old send me through school and I'll leave when I'm ready to make my own money maneuver. Gotta hand it to her, it's an old trick but it works.

 

[Miggs]

I agree, and we talked about that a bit a while back. But I decided it wasn't going to work for me.

I've talked to her again and we have both decided it would best for everyone if we were to just move on.

Thanks everyone for the comments it actually really helped me figure out where I stand and what I should do. I think it will be better for me especially in the long run. I honestly never felt she loved me and she's pretty much agreed with that.

Sent from my Nexus 5 using JazzFanz mobile app

Much love bro. Getting it off your chest probably helped a ton. And this will be better for your kids, especially if she's amicable about the divorce proceedings. Good luck man and keep your chin up.

 

[Miggs]

In Utah the woman will always get custody. I mean she could be a crackhead, abusive, adulterous, crook. She'll get custody and a nice child support check.

Sounds like she pulled the old send me through school and I'll leave when I'm ready to make my own money maneuver. Gotta hand it to her, it's an old trick but it works.

I highly doubt his wife was so cunning in her approach. To say so given his situation isn't really cool tbh.

 

[Gameface]

I highly doubt his wife was so cunning in her approach. To say so given his situation isn't really cool tbh.

lol, Dr. Jones called her a whore.

Whether she thought about it from the start or realized halfway through or after the fact, I bet she sees her opportunities for what they are and his obligations for what they are.