You stop. I am not making excuses I am explaining a probable psychological cause for the situation.
I feel terrible for the OP. I am glad he came here to vent and advice.
Wife cheated on me... again
- Thread starter DarkMount
- Start date
You stop. I am not making excuses I am explaining a probable psychological cause for the situation.
I feel terrible for the OP. I am glad he came here to vent and advice.
Ok
I mention it because this is one of a dozen or so cases where I've seen the exact same thing. A guy supports his spouse as she goes through school. Once she's pretty much set and doesn't need his support anymore she moves on.
There was a common one from the Navy as well. Guy spends 20+ years in the Navy, puts in his paperwork to retire, comes back next week telling everyone that his wife filed for divorce. I don't think the woman planned 20 years ago that she was going to file for divorce the day her husband retired from the Navy, but as things go she wasn't accustomed to him being at home more than half the time and the prospect of him being around so much wasn't very appealing and since she was with him the majority of the time he was in the Navy half his retirement check will be headed her direction no matter what. When the system is rigged people tend to play it to their advantage. That's kind of how humans work.
Miggs
Well-Known Member
She was a whore. She cheated on him multiple times. That doesn't mean she used him for her own academic and career advancement, twisting her mustache and hatching a plan. Because one is flawed in one way doesn't mean they're a complete POS in every other way imaginable.
Your advise is horrid no offense. I am no fan of divorce in any shape or form but hear me out. If you are going to do it go for every last scrap and morsel you can get. I have seen way too many men giv up lucrity for the comfort of their child's. What did that get them? Nothing!
I think it's in incredibly poor taste to refer to a woman as a whore because she has sex with someone other than her partner.
I don't see how what I said isn't cool compared to what anyone else has said.
If the OP takes offense he can let me know and I'll apologize.
What advice?
I would suggest that he defend himself in every singe way possible. I wish him all the best.
Sorry man....once a cheater always a cheater, I've had girlfriends cheat on me but that was easy, you just kill em and move on couldn't imagine with a wife doing it. Good luck to you.
No need to apologize because honestly it was one of my first thoughts when it happened. Though I don't believe it was the plan it did give her the ability to leave.
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CL, you wanna call me out for not being cool?
Boris, you want to suggest my advice is bad?
okay
I think I'm gonna take a jazzfanz break for the rest of the day. I couldn't sleep last night so my judgement is probably off.
Not true. My ex was mildly using a drug and I got our child. Fast and easy. Now Itah does unfairly lean towards the mother but it's not an un winnable battle.
My 2 cents (which are probably worth only 1), as much as it sucks and as hard as it will be, you need to move on. Along with that you need to forgive her. 100%, fully and truly. Otherwise she will always be extra weight that you will be packing around. Either in the form of plotting revenge or just the pain and misery of remembering how bad she hurt you. There's a story of a lady who was kidnapped from a grocery store parking lot and was raped, almost murdered and left blind. Her husband couldn't handle it so he divorced her, leaving her with 2 kids to raise. She forgave the attacker saying that he wasn't going to take another minute of her life. I'm not saying you have to forgive your wife (soon to be ex-wife) immediately, it will take time, but you can't let the decisions of others destroy your life. I'm sorry that this has happened to you, and I wish you the best.
The Thriller
Well-Known Member
https://www.amazon.com/Good-Leave-Stay-Step-Step/dp/0452275350
This book is a national bestseller and really helped me to decide on whether or not I should pull the plug on the relationship. I would HIGHLY recommend you buy a hard copy and read it. It's an easy read and probably about halfway through it you'll know what you should do.
As for my opinion? What are you getting out of this? As an educator, I see painful and abusive relationships all the time. I see kids from divorced families all the time. I know the temptation to stay together for the kids is great. But kids aren't stupid. Do they sense the tension of your relationship? Do they sense the lack of intimacy? The stress? If a relationship has turned malignant (no trust, constant cheating, self esteem issues, etc), as it appears yours has become, there's only one thing to do...
Anyway, just my 2 cents.
I'd highly recommend that book. It really helped knock some sense into me at an incredibly emotional time.
This book is a national bestseller and really helped me to decide on whether or not I should pull the plug on the relationship. I would HIGHLY recommend you buy a hard copy and read it. It's an easy read and probably about halfway through it you'll know what you should do.
As for my opinion? What are you getting out of this? As an educator, I see painful and abusive relationships all the time. I see kids from divorced families all the time. I know the temptation to stay together for the kids is great. But kids aren't stupid. Do they sense the tension of your relationship? Do they sense the lack of intimacy? The stress? If a relationship has turned malignant (no trust, constant cheating, self esteem issues, etc), as it appears yours has become, there's only one thing to do...
Anyway, just my 2 cents.
I'd highly recommend that book. It really helped knock some sense into me at an incredibly emotional time.
And it's hard to explain, but while she did all this she is still an amazing woman in so many other ways. Her mom died when she was 13 and her dad became very verbally abusive. Over time I was able to help her overcome so much and accomplish things she never dreamed she could. That's honestly the main thing that upsets me. Sadly she says she pictures me more of a father figure than a husband because I help her grow so much. Sad I know.
Sent from my Nexus 5 using JazzFanz mobile app
Sent from my Nexus 5 using JazzFanz mobile app
Hear me out. I was saying your earlier advice was bad on going neutral. I am w you bud. I think men should shoot for the moon in divorce settlements not cater to whores that abuse the system.
My best advice is this.
Find you. What do you want and what do you need? What radically solutions can you be ok with? Once you have your head straight, even if it hurts knowing that, then you will be able to possibly move forward with her.
When you do talk to her. Do not be rude or belittling. Especially if any kids are around bad. But do be honest and direct. And listen to her, actually listen, to what she says and how she says it. Take the convo slow and if there is confusion ask questions to clarify. Don't assume.
Once you both know where the other stands you will know what your realistic options are.
But above all you love(d) this woman and her actions don't change how you know you should treat her. GL bro, happened to me and we ended it and I was hung up for 4 years afterwards but I eventually moved on.
Find you. What do you want and what do you need? What radically solutions can you be ok with? Once you have your head straight, even if it hurts knowing that, then you will be able to possibly move forward with her.
When you do talk to her. Do not be rude or belittling. Especially if any kids are around bad. But do be honest and direct. And listen to her, actually listen, to what she says and how she says it. Take the convo slow and if there is confusion ask questions to clarify. Don't assume.
Once you both know where the other stands you will know what your realistic options are.
But above all you love(d) this woman and her actions don't change how you know you should treat her. GL bro, happened to me and we ended it and I was hung up for 4 years afterwards but I eventually moved on.
Thanks. I will definitely look into the book. And I agree with you thoughts on the matter.
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RandyForRubio
Well-Known Member
Really sorry. Can't even imagine the feeling.
I don't know if you're still religious or not, but you do have biblical grounds to divorce her if that's what you're concerned about (I know that sounds silly, but I have a friend who won't divorce his wife bc of that, even though she left him and is sleeping around). If you feel like you've done all you can to make it work, then you've done all you can. Unfortunately, it takes two, not just you. Your wife seems very immature btw, does she admit that cheating was wrong, or does she not care?
I don't know if you're still religious or not, but you do have biblical grounds to divorce her if that's what you're concerned about (I know that sounds silly, but I have a friend who won't divorce his wife bc of that, even though she left him and is sleeping around). If you feel like you've done all you can to make it work, then you've done all you can. Unfortunately, it takes two, not just you. Your wife seems very immature btw, does she admit that cheating was wrong, or does she not care?