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Wife cheated on me... again

Catchall said:
Late to the discussion, but the fact that she actively sought to have an affair with anonymous sex partners through Ashley Madison seems an unambiguous act of betrayal. It's not as though she just innocently met someone and feelings took over. She basically went online to search through a bunch of strangers, found someone (who happens to be well off financially) and said, "Take me!" She did this not just once or twice, but repeatedly over the course of 6 months.

It's not my place to speculate here, but I will anyway because I've seen this before with couples I've known... From a distance, it simply looks as though she wanted an end to her financial challenges, wanted some kind of do-over in marriage and life because she wasn't happy for one reason or another, and probably wanted to be with a man who was richer that the OP. She's probably in her early-to-mid 30s and feels as though she still has a time window to take a shot and see if she can attract a man whom she likes. So she tested the waters for 6 months to see if she can pull it off. She's conflicted, but not nearly enough to stop her from pursuing this for 6 months. She knows she's giving the OP almost no choice but to leave her, and this is probably the outcome she wants, presuming she can "find someone better or more to her liking." To do this in a situation where there are kids involved makes it all more deplorable.

The above may sound harsh, but I've seen it before. (FWIW, this is a real trend with Russian women whom I wouldn't touch with a 10-ft pole. They marry for convenience, then dump, then remarry when it suits them. The problem is ultimately that they marry too casually the first time, and likely the second time as well.) The woman is comparing her life with the OP to a vision in her head of how she'd like things to be, rather than being committed to adapt to and make use of the way things are.

That, or it's simply a case of unbridled sex addiction, but I'm guessing that's not really what's going on. It sounds like she wants out and has admitted as much.

</said too much>
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100% this. These woman think the grass might be greener over the next hill, but they don't want to take the risk of ending their marriage and then going over the hill to find out. Instead they take what they see as the safer alternative and start testing the waters. They get better and better at lying to their husbands, and many of them even start blaming their cheating on their husbands. They find all sorts of things to justify their behavior. Someone once said to me that most women won't even consider letting go of one vine until they have a firm grip on the next. That seems to be true.
 
It's so weird. This thread got me thinking about the following topic a week ago and then last night as I'm reading a novel, The Snowman, it mentions that 20% of children fostered in this world grow up believing their father is theirs while in fact he is not the biological father, the mother simply had an affair and pregnant via the other man.
 
tonstermits said:
Or one quick hate **** with your uhaul out front. Hate ****ing is better than meditation and therapy.
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Good but not great.

I'd prefer he go the, "I'll always love you baby. I forgive you" line followed by a hate**** and the U-Haul then pulling up in front, the hottest female imaginable (pay a girl money to do this if you have to) in the driver's seat, honking and waving at him as he peace outs the soon to be ex and careens down the sidewalk, hopping in the passenger seat and giving the girl a passionate kiss.
 
Cunning Linguist said:
I don't get it.
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I'm not surprised.

google Stanford rape and maybe you'll begin to understand


(edit: here's a link in case you need it: https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2016/06/what-makes-the-stanford-rape-case-so-unusual/486374/)


look at it this way CL, it's one thing to think the "N-word" in your mind, it's quite another to post it on a public forum. It's pretty much the same thing with your post. Sad that you even think that way, but really pathetic that you think it's something to share in a public forum.
 
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Joe Bagadonuts said:
100% this. These woman think the grass might be greener over the next hill, but they don't want to take the risk of ending their marriage and then going over the hill to find out. Instead they take what they see as the safer alternative and start testing the waters. They get better and better at lying to their husbands, and many of them even start blaming their cheating on their husbands. They find all sorts of things to justify their behavior. Someone once said to me that most women won't even consider letting go of one vine until they have a firm grip on the next. That seems to be true.
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That is a stupid generalization.
 
Hekate said:
That is a stupid generalization.
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I guess all generalizations are stupid because it's unfair to attribute some characteristic to people as a group. I know women who I don't believe would ever do such a thing... but at the same time I know of so many instances where marriages have ended in such a similar way.

Here's a website that talks about the process in detail. It's become extremely common:
https://womensinfidelity.com/
 
moevillini said:
I'm not surprised.

google Stanford rape and maybe you'll begin to understand


(edit: here's a link in case you need it: https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2016/06/what-makes-the-stanford-rape-case-so-unusual/486374/)


look at it this way CL, it's one thing to think the "N-word" in your mind, it's quite another to post it on a public forum. It's pretty much the same thing with your post. Sad that you even think that way, but really pathetic that you think it's something to share in a public forum.
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Huh? I didn't see this 'til now. There is a monumental difference between rape and consenual sex that in essence is make-up sex. Hate**** does not entail beating the woman, S&M, or even necessarily being rough with a woman. It's more of a mindset during regular ol' sex. More "heated" perhaps but still fairly run of the mill. One I've never experienced in fact but that is what it is and it's absolutely nothing like rape and for you to insinuate I was promoting that notion is more than just a little bit insulting.
 
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