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cheating...

One Brow said:
One-night stands don't require being drunk. Especially when you are young and the hormones are flowing strongly, sometimes you just get caught up in them.
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Not when you are married. If you are married you have to put yourself in a bad situation in order for this to happen. You have to kind of want it to happen, if that makes any sense. Its not like you are walking down the street and some random dick penetrates you without to your total surprise. You have to put yourself in a situation that a married person souldnt be in.
 
moevillini said:
not necessarily true at all - why should raging hormones have to stop raging after just one time? Sometimes the hormones can rage for months without it ever becoming emotional, don't you think? Sometimes they'll rage even more after the first time or two, but it never really becomes anything more than that.
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I agree. If I was with a woman who just happened to lose her inhibitions and had sex with dudes as a spur of the moment thing I'd be pretty concerned. I don't think it'd hurt as bad as thinking you were in a committed relationship only to find out your partner had a long term thing going on with someone else, but it would still make for a bad relationship and difficulty building trust in my opinion.
 
Hartsock said:
Not when you are married. If you are married you have to put yourself in a bad situation in order for this to happen. You have to kind of want it to happen, if that makes any sense. Its not like you are walking down the street and some random dick penetrates you without to your total surprise. You have to put yourself in a situation that a married person souldnt be in.
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Wow ... that's ..... wow.....
 
My opinion on the matter, whether they made out or had sex or even cuddled, what does it matter? She still cheated. Sucks she didn't come out and tell you the truth. The details with cheating don't matter. What matters is that she made a bad choice. If you do forgive her, you can't bring that up anymore. That's the role you have to play. No one on here can tell you whether you can trust her or not. You're the only one that knows that for sure.

The whole her going out at night or going to lunch with a friend, that's another risk you take by taking her back but at the same time, she needs to realize that in order for you to move on from that, she will need to live her life a different way when it comes to that. If she truly loves you and wants to be forgiven, that shouldn't be a problem for her.

You'd be lucky to find any cheater who would come out and tell you exactly what happened when not being pressured to do so. I've been on both ends of that. It sucks to admit and it's a shameful process.

My advice, get to the root of the problem as to why she did what she did. My opinion, no one just goes out and cheats to get theirs. They do it because there is something in their history or mentally wrong with them that makes them do those things. Best of luck!
 
kwb said:
My opinion on the matter, whether they made out or had sex or even cuddled, what does it matter? She still cheated. Sucks she didn't come out and tell you the truth. The details with cheating don't matter. What matters is that she made a bad choice. If you do forgive her, you can't bring that up anymore. That's the role you have to play. No one on here can tell you whether you can trust her or not. You're the only one that knows that for sure.

The whole her going out at night or going to lunch with a friend, that's another risk you take by taking her back but at the same time, she needs to realize that in order for you to move on from that, she will need to live her life a different way when it comes to that. If she truly loves you and wants to be forgiven, that shouldn't be a problem for her.

You'd be lucky to find any cheater who would come out and tell you exactly what happened when not being pressured to do so. I've been on both ends of that. It sucks to admit and it's a shameful process.

My advice, get to the root of the problem as to why she did what she did. My opinion, no one just goes out and cheats to get theirs. They do it because there is something in their history or mentally wrong with them that makes them do those things. Best of luck!
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I only take exception to the bolded part because the cheating happened when they were apart after both going to different colleges. I don't think there is something mentally wrong with someone who is attracted to someone else in their social circle and it gets physical. Especially when were talking about people who are 19 or early 20s. Her official boyfriend is only around between semesters and maybe during holidays. That's one of the problems I have with long distance relationships, especially long term ones, especially where the people involved are young, attractive and socially active. Live a little. I think binding yourself to a monogamous relationship where you're only together a couple times a year is unreasonable. That's not monogamous, that's abstinence.
 
One Brow said:
Monogamy and commitment are different things entirely.
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On their own separate merits, I don't disagree, but if you are speaking within the context of a romantic relationship, they are pretty much the same thing. You are either committed to that person or you are not. That doesn't mean there has to be commitment for the relationship to exist. You can have an open relationship based on love and respect, as long as both parties agree. But that isn't commitment.

Whether you like it or not, we (as a society) have developed certain social mores. One of those is the expectation of fidelity within a serious romantic relationship. Sorry, it may be contrary to biology, but that's the way it is. But nobody is bound by this. Millions of people get around this by not committing themselves to one other person. If you can't be monogamous, fine. But you owe it to your partner to be honest. Maybe that spells the end of the relationship, but IMO, it's better than having to be deceitful for the duration.
 
Gameface said:
I only take exception to the bolded part because the cheating happened when they were apart after both going to different colleges. I don't think there is something mentally wrong with someone who is attracted to someone else in their social circle and it gets physical. Especially when were talking about people who are 19 or early 20s. Her official boyfriend is only around between semesters and maybe during holidays. That's one of the problems I have with long distance relationships, especially long term ones, especially where the people involved are young, attractive and socially active. Live a little. I think binding yourself to a monogamous relationship where you're only together a couple times a year is unreasonable. That's not monogamous, that's abstinence.
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Understood. I was speaking more along the lines of more mature couples or even married couples.
 
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