Death

[PearlWatson]

Let's talk about it.

Have you prepared for your death or prepared for the death of a spouse?

If you have what are the things I need to consider that people might not think of beforehand?

Have you made a will? Would you go to an estate planner for this? I've heard the worst thing you can do for your children is not to have a will and leave them with all kinds of fights.

Have you decided on where you want your minor children to go in case of your death? How would you go about deciding this?

Do you plan on leaving a message for anyone in the form of letters or video?

Do you have the needed information for life insurance, bank accounts, lines of credit, passwords for internet accounts, etc. for your spouse?

Have you talked with your spouse about their wishes regarding their death?

Where do you want to be buried? or cremated and spread your ashes?

What do you want on your tombstone? Will you be sharing it with someone?

What do you want written in your obituary? Will you write your own, beside the "how & when" part?

What do you want to be wearing or have in the casket with you?

My grandfather planned his own funeral (song, eulogy, prayers) after a stupid girl crashed into him and broke his ribs and such. He paid for it with the settlement money from the car accident, but he chose the wrong executor so there were still fights that could have been avoided.

Choose your executor carefully.

I'm sure it is really difficult to make all these decisions in the middle of mourning so I'd like to do the planning now to make it easier on everyone.

The internet is really a great resource for all of this:

"Getting your affairs in order" means planning ahead for your death by handling whatever legal matters, financial stuff, or other details you need to handle, so that (ideally) nothing gets left up in the air for others to untangle when you go. Typically people do this for their own peace of mind, and to make things easier on their loved ones. Most people start getting their affairs in order only after reaching an age when they feel they could die, or after being diagnosed with a terminal illness -- if then. Many people never get around to doing it at all.

But a smaller -- and I suspect growing -- subset of people take it upon themselves to start this process while they are young and healthy. And I would like to encourage this.

I like their Life Legacy Card idea:

What Is a Life Legacy Card?
"Life Legacy Card" is a name I came up with for a card, sheet, or electronic file that you use to provide your loved ones and/or your legal representative with the following information:

I. WILL
Do you have a will? If so, say where they can find it and who you've appointed as the executor.

II. ACCOUNTS
1) Lists of bank accounts, investment accounts, etc. List the account numbers. Or not - that information shouldn't be hard for your loved ones to retrieve, once they have your death certificate. The key here is to list what accounts they need to be aware of. When they know what to look for, retrieving the account numbers shouldn't be hard. (NOTE: Good idea to NOT list the passwords here. We'll get to the matter of passwords later.)
2) Lists of other accounts:
- Mortgage
- Amazon and other online merchants you have accounts with
- Brick-and-mortars stores you have accounts with (increasingly rare these days but still happens)
- Phone company (landline, and cellphone)
- Utility company
- Landlord/landlady
3) Non-money accounts but ones that are important:
- Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn and other social networks
- Squidoo, Blogger, and other publishing platforms
- etc.
4) Any online services you use
- Email
- Webhosting
- Domain name registrations
(For many people, all of these will be under the same roof).

Your loved ones will naturally need to cancel these accounts. Also, in the case of social networks, they are a handy way for your loved ones to get the word out about your death.

III. PEOPLE TO CONTACT
List the names of your friends and colleagues to contact. If you have a large social and business circle, or many circles, list one or two "hub" people for each circle. Compose a form letter for your loved ones to use in getting the word out. They will be dealing with grief and with the various logistical arrangements, and any work you can save them will be a great kindness.

You might even want to make an electronic file that contains just the email addresses of those who they should contact. Then all they need to do is copy and paste into the TO line of their email.

https://www.squidoo.com/affairs-in-order

 

[bigb]

This will probably come off as me sounding like a dick, but that's not my intention. For most of things, I honestly don't care. I don't care what I'm wearing in the casket. I personally don't care where I'm buried. I don't care about an obituary or eulogy or anything else about a funeral. I would be okay to not have one. Just throw some dirt over the top of me and call it good.
As far as my earthly possessions, since my kids are still young, my wife would get everything anyway. She's listed on all the bank accounts and everything and she knows the numbers, so we're good there. She knows I want my usable organs donated.

 

[Hartsock]

Some things I've learned from seeing my mother in law die at 45 and screw her husband over .... She had cancer and knew she was dying for months and they basically did nothing to prepare.

1. Let your significant other know where you keep your money
2. Let your significant other know about all of your debts
3. Have a will
4. Let your family know about your wishes for your funeral, casket, gravesite, etc ....
5. Don't hide thousands of dollars in cash all over the house in random places
6. Make amends with your family if you are dying

 

[PearlWatson]

This will probably come off as me sounding like a dick, but that's not my intention. For most of things, I honestly don't care. I don't care what I'm wearing in the casket. I personally don't care where I'm buried. I don't care about an obituary or eulogy or anything else about a funeral. I would be okay to not have one. Just throw some dirt over the top of me and call it good.
As far as my earthly possessions, since my kids are still young, my wife would get everything anyway. She's listed on all the bank accounts and everything and she knows the numbers, so we're good there. She knows I want my usable organs donated.

I expect that a lot of people don't really care about what happens to their bodies after their dead, but most people do care what happens to the people they have left behind. Do you have life insurance to provide for your family once you are gone? Are you going to leave your children a message with advice/wisdom you think is valuable to them? I found that the advice and wisdom my grandfather left in a letter was very precious to me.

Have you considered the other side of the equation of your wife dying before you?
Do you know what she wants on the tombstone, I assume you will share, or do you plan on making the decision once she is gone? Where does she want to be buried if you don't care? Near departed family? The closest cemetery?

What if you both die at the same time? Where do you want your children to go? Do you have a will for this scenario?

 

[PearlWatson]

Some things I've learned from seeing my mother in law die at 45 and screw her husband over .... She had cancer and knew she was dying for months and they basically did nothing to prepare.

1. Let your significant other know where you keep your money
2. Let your significant other know about all of your debts
3. Have a will
4. Let your family know about your wishes for your funeral, casket, gravesite, etc ....
5. Don't hide thousands of dollars in cash all over the house in random places
6. Make amends with your family if you are dying

5. What is wrong with 5? The person who finds it is a lucky bugger.

 

[Qman]

My mom had a near fatal car accident several years ago. They put together a will and I got named executor along with my lawyer Uncle. Some division of my parents belongings was made in the will but the biggest asset-their home is not spoken for. I am a little worried about what will happen with it. Do we sale it and split the money? Does someone live there without ownership?

Now most of my 6 siblings are not that attached to money in general and are pretty well off. But I can see fights starting over tens of thousands of dollars.

 

[Hartsock]

5. What is wrong with 5? The person who finds it is a lucky bugger.

Well the family knows she did this and now the dad is paranoid the kids are sneaking around "stealing" money that they might find. I am 99.999% sure they are not doing this.

 

[PearlWatson]

Well the family knows she did this and now the dad is paranoid the kids are sneaking around "stealing" money that they might find. I am 99.999% sure they are not doing this.

He should have a house cleaning party and invite everyone over to help him find all the stashes and all those who participate get to split the findings.

 

[Hartsock]

He should have a house cleaning party and invite everyone over to help him find all the stashes and all those who participate get to split the findings.

I hate my in laws .... that is all

 

[PearlWatson]

I hate my in laws .... that is all

 

[bigb]

I expect that a lot of people don't really care about what happens to their bodies after their dead, but most people do care what happens to the people they have left behind. Do you have life insurance to provide for your family once you are gone? Are you going to leave your children a message with advice/wisdom you think is valuable to them? I found that the advice and wisdom my grandfather left in a letter was very precious to me.

Have you considered the other side of the equation of your wife dying before you?
Do you know what she wants on the tombstone, I assume you will share, or do you plan on making the decision once she is gone? Where does she want to be buried if you don't care? Near departed family? The closest cemetery?

What if you both die at the same time? Where do you want your children to go? Do you have a will for this scenario?

We've talked some about those things. I know she wants to be buried by her brother and grandpa (her only close relatives to have died already). I can see where a letter to the kids would be nice and cool. I do try and talk to my kids and share my limited wisdom and insight with them now. We've talked about who we would want to take our kids, but never shared that with anyone else. Maybe we should. Definitely something to think about.

 

[Zulu]

Life is terminal!!!

 

[moevillini]

Life is terminal!!!

reminds me of this one: the art of living well is slowly dying.

 

[bigb]

Life is terminal!!!

We have a friend who told my pregnant (at the time, not now thank all that is Holy) wife that she had an STD. When she questioned him, he said that he considered pregnancy to be a disease and she contracted sexually. I lol'd.

 

[PearlWatson]

My mom had a near fatal car accident several years ago. They put together a will and I got named executor along with my lawyer Uncle. Some division of my parents belongings was made in the will but the biggest asset-their home is not spoken for. I am a little worried about what will happen with it. Do we sale it and split the money? Does someone live there without ownership?

Now most of my 6 siblings are not that attached to money in general and are pretty well off. But I can see fights starting over tens of thousands of dollars.

I'm guessing the easiest thing is to sell it.
Can you even leave it without ownership and rent it to a family member?

These are some good things to know and consider.

 

[DutchJazzer]

6. Make amends with your family if you are dying

i make ammends every year

 

[PearlWatson]

K, I'm looking at headstones:

Seriously?:

Purty:

That's kinda memorable:

Spherical:

Nice advice:

Umm:

I told you so: