Gift-giving

[olden_undercover]

What are your beliefs around how many gifts are enough vs. too many for children? My wife comes from a family that has no boundaries on this, and I am polar opposite. We each have our reasons, but rather than state them and sway opinion, I'd really love to see what you all think about it. How many presents do you buy your kids at Christmas and for birthdays? Do you have other gift-giving "holidays" or events? What do you actually believe about giving gifts (i.e. the purpose, the quality of the gift, etc.)?

 

[Sardines]

Gift giving is actually a really interesting topic to me. I'm opposed to most obligatory gift giving traditions with the exception of parents giving gifts to children. But even then I'm strongly in the less is more camp.

This is an interesting video related to gift giving from a youtuber who primarily does physics related content.

 

[SoberasHotRod]

We set aside a certain amount of money each year and try not to go over that amount. Per Kid, it's not a crazy amount. We try to make sure that we get something for each kid that they will be excited about. Other than that we try and limit the amount of gifts. We don't have any control over gifts from grandparents, etc.

It still seems like every year our kids get more than they should. My trigger for this is when they stop being excited and get whiney and ungrateful.

 

[olden_undercover]

Gift giving is actually a really interesting topic to me. I'm opposed to most obligatory gift giving traditions with the exception of parents giving gifts to children. But even then I'm strongly in the less is more camp.

This is an interesting video related to gift giving from a youtuber who primarily does physics related content.

Good stuff-- no way my tiny brain is grinding through 52 minutes, but I can fully appreciate (and agree with) the first 20. I do want to hear more of your take, though: Why are you "strongly in the less is more camp"?

We set aside a certain amount of money each year and try not to go over that amount. Per Kid, it's not a crazy amount. We try to make sure that we get something for each kid that they will be excited about. Other than that we try and limit the amount of gifts. We don't have any control over gifts from grandparents, etc.

It still seems like every year our kids get more than they should. My trigger for this is when they stop being excited and get whiney and ungrateful.

This resonates with me. We have two sets of twins-- the older ones are 4, and we just welcomed the new set in September '23. I also have two daughters, ages 22 and 20, from my first marriage. It makes practical sense to me to start with and stick to a budget, and make decisions from there; from a more philosophical perspective, I worry a lot that my younger kids will grow up to be entitled individuals who value things over people. Have you found a "sweet spot", in terms of the number of gifts, or do you find it's more about that one meaningful gift that they can be excited about?

 

[Sardines]

Good stuff-- no way my tiny brain is grinding through 52 minutes, but I can fully appreciate (and agree with) the first 20. I do want to hear more of your take, though: Why are you "strongly in the less is more camp"?


This resonates with me. We have two sets of twins-- the older ones are 4, and we just welcomed the new set in September '23. I also have two daughters, ages 22 and 20, from my first marriage. It makes practical sense to me to start with and stick to a budget, and make decisions from there; from a more philosophical perspective, I worry a lot that my younger kids will grow up to be entitled individuals who value things over people. Have you found a "sweet spot", in terms of the number of gifts, or do you find it's more about that one meaningful gift that they can be excited about?

I'm not really talking about "less" in terms of dollar amount, but showering a child in dozens and dozens of gifts big and small seems like at some point it becomes a type of flex on the part of the parent and not about the child. I think at some point you pass the point of diminishing returns and each additional gift reduces the average value of all the gifts to the person receiving them. If opening gifts starts to become a chore then you've gone too far.

I like everyday giving more than saving up for a big event of making a show of giving. I really hate the idea of withholding useful items so that there is more to give on a birthday or Christmas. Like if for the last three months your kid needed a new part for whatever, like a bike or a computer and it's been sitting in your closet having been designated as a Christmas gift you are losing value every day it sits there not being used for the needed purpose. Same for things like video games or other types of media. These are things that cycle in and then out of relevance, so if there's the new video game and all the kids are playing it and so your kid asks for it and you have the lightbulb go off "ohh this would be a perfect gift 3 months from now" well your kid is missing playing this with their friends for most of the time when this is the new exciting thing. By the time they get it is a gift they will be a noob player and their friends will be much better, as well as being less interested in trudging through early game stuff with your kid since they all went through it together months ago.

I'd say 3-5 meaningful gifts is about perfect. Sometimes when the stars align I can see having a very expensive gift but most expensive things shouldn't be gifts in my opinion. Like giving your kid a car for Christmas seems like a dumb thing to do. If you're going to give your kid a car they should be involved in the shopping, test driving, purchasing process. If it is an item that is related to their development, major hobby, interest, or education then it shouldn't be tied to a holiday or birthday.

Anyway that's my basic feeling about it, and it doesn't even begin with the nonsense of an adult buying gifts for their adult relatives and in-laws that they don't have a close relationship with.

 

[Al-O-Meter]

We do an advent calendar with tiny gifts and little candies every day. The bigger gifts on Christmas day are mostly items we know will be needed or will be helpful to have in the next 6 months. There is a lot of clothes, a good amount of sporting equipment, and new pieces of technology to help with school work.

We do coordinate with Grandparents and usually do the shopping for them. The budget is set by what we can afford to have happen in the six months following Christmas. Christmas also starts where we start putting money away for the next six months to pay for summer camps.

 

[TheGoldStandard]

We try to gift around the things we think our kids "need". This year, I bought my oldest a kids Liv Mountain bike (grew out of her old bike) as well as a cell phone (need for coordination for pickups, etc., and there are time limitations on apps). She was a bit spoiled this year due to some "needs".

We focus more on giving gifts to others, and have our kids ask Santa for one thing (my youngest asked for and received some slime and my oldest asked Santa to make sure everyone else got what they asked for--what kid does that?!?!.). Our youngest will get hand me down bikes and a lot of other stuff, so she'll probably never be quite as spoiled at Christmas, but will still have everything she needs... Extended family always seem to spoil our girls though.

When just informed our oldest the truth of Santa (she has been suspecting for a while but we wanted the "magic" to survive a bit longer), we excitedly informed her that she now gets to be "Santa" too, and focus on giving to others without credit.

For years we did a pizza party for vets at the VA in SLC with gifts, and we do something similar each year. So while we "spoil" our kids a bit with nice things, we work very hard to make sure the receiving gifts should not be the focus of Christmas. We also pay for people's food in the drive through during the holiday, with the strict instruction that they should not continue the chain, to show our kids that giving to complete strangers can be very nice.

For Birthdays it is kind of the same thing. We try and buy clothing, and something fun for the kid, but try not to go crazy. We try and focus more on the event than gifts.

 

[Rubashov]

I think age of the kid is a big thing, as a young kid I received a lot of gifts from my parents (im an only child) but my parents were fairly well off. As I got older that sort of changed and I'd maybe get one or two gifts for Christmas and or my birthday. As an adult my Christmas and birthday gift was typically a bucket of M & Ms and a little bit of cash. I think you give what you feel is right. I normally give 100 bucks per kid, I spend a bit more on my lady friend, in terms of friends and stuff, they might get a beer out of me if they're lucky.