Scouting Next Opponent — the Knicks

[MeloTheJazzKiller]

Jazz next opponent is the Knicks, so I decided to watch some Knick games. I’ve watched every game for the past twenty five years, so that makes me an expert on this team. I also studied the Jazz. Here’s my scouting report for Tuesday night’s huge game.

JAZZ:

1. A team that let all their stars go. Gobert, Donovan, Niang all gone. Jazz have no super stars. There are more famous players on a 13 years old AAU team than on the Jazz.

2. Jazz best player Lauri (that’s a girl’s name) Markkinen will have to go against our German Uber-man Isaiah Hartenstein and Lauri (that’s a girl’s name) Markkinen will end up with a triple 0-0-0

3. Jazz fans are known to be notorious racists (just ask Russ Westbrook), so those fans will root for our German Uber man Hartenstein making Hartenstein have an incredible 30-30-30 game.

KNICKS

1. Uhhh……we suck.

2. Hartenstein will give you fits; you will be impressed with Brunson; Julius Randle will cheap shot a Jazz player with a vicious elbow and think he is cool for doing that; RJ Barrett will remind everyone how a third pick in the first round out of Duke is the biggest bust of a draft pick in history.

3. Thibbs does not know how to coach. He should leave right now so he can take a job as a department store Santa.

 

[HermanG]

Im hoping this is a get right game for us. We need the Finnisher to get the Embiid treatment from his teammates and establish himself with a 45 point night.

Thatll get us back to hyperbolism.

Or actually even better, go back to the beautiful selfless ball and drop 150 as a team on them.

 

[gomretat]

Lots on this board were convinced that RJ was an all-star so this is his chance to prove them right.

 

[Release the Kraken]

Jazz next opponent is the Knicks, so I decided to watch some Knick games. I’ve watched every game for the past twenty five years, so that makes me an expert on this team. I also studied the Jazz. Here’s my scouting report for Tuesday night’s huge game.

JAZZ:

1. A team that let all their stars go. Gobert, Donovan, Niang all gone. Jazz have no super stars. There are more famous players on a 13 years old AAU team than on the Jazz.

2. Jazz best player Lauri (that’s a girl’s name) Markkinen will have to go against our German Uber-man Isaiah Hartenstein and Lauri (that’s a girl’s name) Markkinen will end up with a triple 0-0-0

3. Jazz fans are known to be notorious racists (just ask Russ Westbrook), so those fans will root for our German Uber man Hartenstein making Hartenstein have an incredible 30-30-30 game.

KNICKS

1. Uhhh……we suck.

2. Hartenstein will give you fits; you will be impressed with Brunson; Julius Randle will cheap shot a Jazz player with a vicious elbow and think he is cool for doing that; RJ Barrett will remind everyone how a third pick in the first round out of Duke is the biggest bust of a draft pick in history.

3. Thibbs does not know how to coach. He should leave right now so he can take a job as a department store Santa.

I haven’t laughed so hard (I know I’m easily amused) at a post since your prime (when Melo was still playing)! Thanks for the yucks!

Oh and by the way, your analysis is spot on!

 

[MeloTheJazzKiller]

Lots on this board were convinced that RJ was an all-star so this is his chance to prove them right.

RJ Barrett is an All Star only in his own head.

He really believes he is all star material. He still holds a grudge because he didn’t make the all rookie team. He was benched last night while young OKC players Gilgeous Alexander and Giddy beat the holy hell out of us. Benched against OKC!!! Yet he believes he is making the all star team this year

He is insanely up and down. Have a good game then next night go 3 for 13. And his good game would be an embarrassing game for a Tyler Herro or Ja or Shai Gilgeous. We got a nothing out of that 3rd pick in the draft.

 

[HermanG]

RJ Barrett is an All Star only in his own head.

He really believes he is all star material. He still holds a grudge because he didn’t make the all rookie team. He was benched last night while young OKC players Gilgeous Alexander and Giddy beat the holy hell out of us. Benched against OKC!!! Yet he believes he is making the all star team this year

He is insanely up and down. Have a good game then next night go 3 for 13. And his good game would be an embarrassing game for a Tyler Herro or Ja or Shai Gilgeous. We got a nothing out of that 3rd pick in the draft.

For what its worth, this was the first time since 2021 that I saw someone actually type SGA's true name. Mad respect.

 

[MeloTheJazzKiller]

For what its worth, this was the first time since 2021 that I saw someone actually type SGA's true name. Mad respect.

His true name is really Shai Gilgeous Alexander The Great.
Man, he is something.

 

[Mongoose]

I'm dumbfounded by what the Knicks thought they had in these guys.... I wouldn't trade any piece of the Cavs trade for the entire Knicks roster. RJ is the new Randle, 20+ million coming off the bench? bwahahah. Grimes is special! haha

 

[LogGrad98]

And to think, they could have had Donovan Mitchell just for giving up their garbage players. Wow.

 

[gomretat]

RJ Barrett is an All Star only in his own head.

He really believes he is all star material. He still holds a grudge because he didn’t make the all rookie team. He was benched last night while young OKC players Gilgeous Alexander and Giddy beat the holy hell out of us. Benched against OKC!!! Yet he believes he is making the all star team this year

He is insanely up and down. Have a good game then next night go 3 for 13. And his good game would be an embarrassing game for a Tyler Herro or Ja or Shai Gilgeous. We got a nothing out of that 3rd pick in the draft.

It seems to be one of those cases where the advanced analytics were more accurate then the raw stats. Right now I am glad we didnt get him.

 

[David Hume]

RJ Barrett is an All Star only in his own head.

He really believes he is all star material. He still holds a grudge because he didn’t make the all rookie team. He was benched last night while young OKC players Gilgeous Alexander and Giddy beat the holy hell out of us. Benched against OKC!!! Yet he believes he is making the all star team this year

He is insanely up and down. Have a good game then next night go 3 for 13. And his good game would be an embarrassing game for a Tyler Herro or Ja or Shai Gilgeous. We got a nothing out of that 3rd pick in the draft.

Sir Melo, perhaps I have evaluated Rowan Alexander Barrett incorrectly. I had assessed him to have potential, in a philosophical sense, to be a “3rd option” on a contender. Yet you, a staunch advocate of our Knicks colleagues, find deficiencies in his conduct. I shall consume ale and ponder this situation from an empiricist perspective.

 

[stitches]

I cannot wait to see The Untouchables - RJ Barrett(aka the next Jimmy Butler), Quentin Grimes(a.k.a. Donovan Mitchell 2.4 - meaning 2ppg 0.4apg, a.k.a. Mr. 33... percent FG) and Obi "no really, he's going to play more than 17 minutes a game this year" Toppin.

It would be glorious to see this amazing collection of talent and weep at the sight of what we missed on... Cheers.

 

[MeloTheJazzKiller]

Sir Melo, perhaps I have evaluated Rowan Alexander Barrett incorrectly. I had assessed him to have potential, in a philosophical sense, to be a “3rd option” on a contender. Yet you, a staunch advocate of our Knicks colleagues, find deficiencies in his conduct. I shall consume ale and ponder this situation from an empiricist perspective.

It’s like Marilyn Monroe. From a distance she is your dream. Marry her in a second. But then once she is your bride, you find out she’s sleeping around, stealing your drugs, drinking every drop of your booze….




RJ Barrett is Marilyn Monroe. From far off…everything you want. Up close….nothing but bricks.

 

[homeytennis]

Melo: My television has been broke all season. How are the Knicks doing?

 

[Handlogten's Heros]

Knicks have finally broken @MeloTheJazzKiller

 

[mongoose01]

The Jazz would definitely be losing more games if they had made the Knicks trade.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

[The Fresh Prince]

Damn you went incognito for awhile.

But, as expected when the Knicks come town, a wild MTJK comes around.

 

[Hearsky]

Jazz next opponent is the Knicks, so I decided to watch some Knick games. I’ve watched every game for the past twenty five years, so that makes me an expert on this team. I also studied the Jazz. Here’s my scouting report for Tuesday night’s huge game.

JAZZ:

1. A team that let all their stars go. Gobert, Donovan, Niang all gone. Jazz have no super stars. There are more famous players on a 13 years old AAU team than on the Jazz.

2. Jazz best player Lauri (that’s a girl’s name) Markkinen will have to go against our German Uber-man Isaiah Hartenstein and Lauri (that’s a girl’s name) Markkinen will end up with a triple 0-0-0

3. Jazz fans are known to be notorious racists (just ask Russ Westbrook), so those fans will root for our German Uber man Hartenstein making Hartenstein have an incredible 30-30-30 game.

KNICKS

1. Uhhh……we suck.

2. Hartenstein will give you fits; you will be impressed with Brunson; Julius Randle will cheap shot a Jazz player with a vicious elbow and think he is cool for doing that; RJ Barrett will remind everyone how a third pick in the first round out of Duke is the biggest bust of a draft pick in history.

3. Thibbs does not know how to coach. He should leave right now so he can take a job as a department store Santa.

How is your life going? Got your health issues under control?

 

[Agent#00]

A team that let all their stars go. Gobert, Donovan, Niang ------- never change Melo never change

 

[YoungJefe]

Turns out all of the dudes they didn't want to give up for Donovan are still not very good at basketball.