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The Pearl's fast food analysis

Captain Lobster

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Luckily this wasn't lost with the crash, I found it cached on the site. Enjoy.

the pearl wrote:

Finally a thread which I no doubt have more experience with than the rest of you combined.

I am the Al Michaels of fast food:

Background:

I am old enough to remember when fast food was an event, much like the MLB Game of the Week and Lindsay Nelson's Notre Dame football highlights. When dad gave the word to load up into the Plymouth Duster for the 20 mile trip to the only KFC within 40 miles it was like getting a tee time at Augusta National.

With that in mind, much of my list is based as much on historical life significance rather than legitimate dining parameters.

5: McDonald's

The double quarter pounder w/ cheese. Pure, shameful joy. Nothing stands out alone but the combination is overwhelming. The real joy is that you know you shouldn't be engaging in the behavior but you can't stop yourself...willful self-destruction. Reminds me of the feeling you get when your wife introduces you to her new friend and she is hot as hell. The mind wanders, you put up a struggle, but you succumb.

If you hit the drive-thru and score the fries right off the line it is like winning POWERBALL.

Best fountain Coke of all the chains.

NBA Comparision: Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, some love him, some hate him, everybody respects him.


4. Carrol's restaurant

Precurser to McDonald's in western New York. Not sure if it was a chain or what. I just remember that it was a burger joint with no eat-in facilities. 22 miles and an orange Ford Pinto ride away. Don't remember the food, only the Vanilla shakes. 100% humidity in July, sitting in the back of the Pinto with black interior and a vanilla shake. I'd slice my right arm off to be 9yrs old again and for that Vanilla shake.

No AC back in those days my friends.

NBA Comparison: Wilt Chamberlain, you don't really know how good he was, you just know that he was.



3. KFC

Also 20 miles away. the early restaurant only had a few eat in spots. KFC was one notch up from everybody else in the early days. My dad took this trip seriously, KFC was a little bit more expensive so it was rare...2-3 times a year. I truly believe that if my dad saw God in the road he would have ran him over on the KFC run.

Special procedures were instituted, like scrambling F-15's to intercept Russian Bombers. Mom brought the paper towels and a jug of water. Simple execution. Quick stop, no frills, One big bucket of chicken........only...........eaten in the car.........on the 20 mile ride back home. Not a word was said, only a hand in the air to signify that you required the water jug. Some families take trips, play golf, pray to their god, but I defy anybody's family to come up with a better family moment than that trip. Total ingress/egress..approx. 60mins.

NBA Comparison: Larry Bird It didn't look like much, but the genius was in the simplicity.


2. Arby's

Simple Roast Beef sandwhich....no sauce, no cheese, straight. up Like listening to records vs. CD's and you audioiphile's know what I am talking about. My mom's personal favorite.

Arby's required the special of special trips. The only Arby's was in the mall in Rochester NY. When you are 11, a trip to Rochester felt like flying in the Concorde to Paris. You knew it was Arby's for lunch followed by 5 hrs. of school clothes shopping.

Footnote: The mall had a play center in the middle, back then, everybody dropped their kids and shopped and picked em up hours later.....times have changed.

Unlike our usual "in car" procedures, Arby's was savored in the food court. Total joy for Pearl's mom. She still made this run once a year until she departed for the Big Arby's in the sky.


NBA Comparison: Michael Jordan, you knew you were witnessing something special


1. Disalvo's Pizzaria...Warsaw NY

14 mile round trip

Procedures:
Order by phone, pick-up and bring home.

Approximate frequency:
15/year.

The drive home was crucial. Dad had it timed perfectly as to arrive for pickup as they brought it out of the oven. The ride home provided the necessary cooling time for the grease to settle in.

We used to ride bikes about twice a summer down the back road to get a slice and a can of Mt. Dew. The pure joy of youth. I am more than willing to admit that when I walk into Disalvo's on my trips back I have to hold back the tears. It is the time capsule of my youth. Reason being is that this the John Stockton of food joints. Consistent for 30+yrs. Tastes the same as the summer of 1975. Complete throwback. Nothing has changed. The building, the sign outside, the menu signs inside and the table and chairs are the same when I was 12.....30yrs........


Mrs. Pearl about puked the first time she stepped foot in there. She turned and left and waited in the car and refused to eat the pizza. I finally coaxed her to eat a slice, she was speechless. I told her I did not mind if she never ate the pizza but she was never to say anything bad about Disalvo's....or I would punch her.

She believes me.

The pizza on first glance is unremarkable. Thinner than ave. crust, normal cheese. The genius is in the sauce, secret recipe that the employee's don't even know. The owner brings it from home everyday. That combined with pizza ovens honed for decades and the best pepperoni ever bring you literally to your knees. Like seeing Stockton play for the first time.....yeah right......him.....48mins later you are wondering who the hell he is and where he came from.

This is the single greatest thing I share with my Dad. We see eye to eye. Before my trips home he boycotts the place for 6-8 weeks in preperation for a week long marathon......one of the greatest ways to show your love for your son. We order on the way from the airport, no family members allowed on the first one, just us two. Like fishing that special spot, dad giving you a sip of beer when you were 10, or Dad overruling your mom and letting you watch Monday Night Football past Howard Cosell's half-time highlights.

One large cheese and peperoni ordered 15 mins out from arrival. (Yes, I do schedule flights around the time that the joint is open)

My brother and his family know that we are not to be disturbed.

The pie is brought to the house, a bottled labatt's for dad, a can of MT. DEW for me, chilled in the fridge prior to arrival.

We sit on opposite sides of the kitchen island, simply open the box. The phone is unplugged and the TV is off The rules are unwritten but based on 35 yrs of tradition (except the new rule instituted approximately 4 years ago that all cell phones must be off). We each know we get half and the code is never violated. 15-20 minutes of joy...not a word is spoken. If Jennifer Aniston and Angie Dickinson came through the door they would have to wait silently...even if naked. And I am not kidding.
 
There are a lot of posts and threads that were worth saving but none compare to this one. Good work, Gesicht.
 
Thanks, gesicht! And I second the suggestion for the Larry's Elbows topic.

where is this cache you speak of? Buckner would be a most welcome revival!
(I may be banned for saying/writing that...)
 
It could just be his local cache on his personal computer.

Also, I haven't looked, but the "way back machine" might have old jazzfanz posts.
 
Ahh, the good old days of no angry hipster tripe. Ewe yuck! OMG how can you eat that slop! It ain't local than it sucks!!!1!11!!!

Just chopped down a double Wendy's spicey chicken breasts that I named the Kim Kardashian.

Mmmmmmm.
 
Great, great thread. I just re-read Pearl's post and it was beautiful. Since he finished his list with a pizza joint, it reminds me of the best pizza I've ever had and we have some great pizza here in New Jersey. But the best I've ever had is in Lake Ronkomkoma, NY which is on Long Island. I had to go to a funeral there a few years back with my wife, pre-Little Serps. On the way, we stopped for lunch at Little Vincent's. **** man, I've probably consumed about 5,000 slices of pizza in my lifetime from a ballpark of around 100 different pizzerias. That was special.
 
Ahh, the good old days of no angry hipster tripe. Ewe yuck! OMG how can you eat that slop! It ain't local than it sucks!!!1!11!!!

Just chopped down a double Wendy's spicey chicken breasts that I named the Kim Kardashian.

Mmmmmmm.

Man you're a douche.
 
Ahh, the good old days of no angry hipster tripe. Ewe yuck! OMG how can you eat that slop! It ain't local than it sucks!!!1!11!!!

Just chopped down a double Wendy's spicey chicken breasts that I named the Kim Kardashian.

Mmmmmmm.

The spicy chicken sandwhich at Wendy’s is probably my favorite fast food sandwich.
 
The spicy chicken sandwhich at Wendy’s is probably my favorite fast food sandwich.
I used to eat it a lot way back in the day (early 2000s to maybe 2009 or so). At some point, they started making it smaller (a lot smaller), and it was outrageously more expensive than the $0.99 crispy chicken sandwich (though I think the price has gone up on that one recently, too), even though that’s not a chicken breast (but is chicken breast).

Try the crispy chicken sandwich with the hot chili seasoning sauce on it.
 
I used to eat it a lot way back in the day (early 2000s to maybe 2009 or so). At some point, they started making it smaller (a lot smaller), and it was outrageously more expensive than the $0.99 crispy chicken sandwich (though I think the price has gone up on that one recently, too), even though that’s not a chicken breast (but is chicken breast).

Try the crispy chicken sandwich with the hot chili seasoning sauce on it.
Good advice and good post. I will try it. You are right about the downsizing chicken part and upsizing price part.
 
I have not been able to enjoy Wendy's for a long time. Some people love them. I don't get it.

Dude!!! myself and the fellas at work enjoyed Wendy's immensely the other day, we were watching liveleak and a white guy called a black guy a "poke" not sure what that is but it didn't end up too well for the white guy he copped one hell of a beating, it was on like donkey kong. The sort of beating you only give a dude if you're certain there are no cameras around. Anyway we didn't mind thought it was hilarious.
 
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Dude!!! myself and the fellas at work enjoyed Wendy's immensely the other day, we were watching liveleak and a white guy called a black guy a "poke" not sure what that is but it didn't end up too well for the white guy he copped one hell of a beating, it was on like donkey kong. The sort of beating you only give a dude if you're certain there are no cameras around. Anyway we didn't mind thought it was hilarious.
Did you eat the spicy chicken sandwich?
 
Did you eat the spicy chicken sandwich?

As delightful as a 'spicy chicken sandwich' sounds, no, Wendy's went bust here i dunno like 20 years ago. One is forced to go to KFC or some other fried chicken emporium in order to obtain vast quantities of saturated fat in the form of a sandwich.

edit

Every so often we have a junk food day and we can get some rather tasty Korean BBQ chicken delivered for very reasonable terms. In fact Uber eats has opened up a whole plethora of gourmet fast food possibilities to shift workers in the CBD.
 
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I have not been able to enjoy Wendy's for a long time. Some people love them. I don't get it.

@uncle f I get the rejection of snobbery. But I also think there is something about finding a place and it being local and unique. We can talk about how good a Big Mac is (I like Big Macs, I like them so much I have one or two of them a year) but it is generic. We aren't telling anyone anything by saying that Big Macs are good. They either like them or they don't. They are out there, all over.

Every time I see a new independant place open I try to go eat there. Many of the best places in the Salt Lake Valley I was there within the first month they opened. I enjoy that. I enjoy finding a new awesome place with dishes and flavors I've never had before. Once you go down that track it's easy to start looking down your nose at national chains playing it safe with their generally low quality ingredients and high flavor (thanks to massive amounts of salt, which I love, and sugar, which I don't). It really isn't hard to make a crowd pleaser.

I can eat anything and enjoy it for the most part. No reason to reject easy cheap options when that fits the bill. But no reason to as you mention, bitch about the price of something a little different when that fits the bill. My sister's husband is probably the cheapest and most wealthy person I know. He finds no enjoyment whatsoever in nice things, especially food. I'm not sure how much he has in the bank, but he pays himself something like $10/hr and he lives off of that, happily, in San Diego. He is going to die with a very healthy bank account. My sister is much younger than him and she did not marry him for his money (they live a $10/hr type lifestyle, except my sister uses her money to travel, mostly without him. My sister is a professor of ornamental horticulture.) she signed a prenup that gives here none of his business assets either in the event of divorce or if he dies. I don't get the excitement for cheap crap that he expresses. It is not special, it is not as good as other obvious options. But it is cheap. So it has value to him because it is cheap. That's McDonalds. That's Wendy's. That's IHOP. I got no problem with any of it, but when you're eating something from an independent person who started their own business so that they could make food that they are passionate about and you act like an *** to the people you're with because that costs more than sone generic national chain? No who's the snob?

I’m a little blown away actually. I couldn’t fathom living on a $10/hr job in the slc market, let alone San Diego. I know from experience that most 1br apartments are like 1.7 - 2k a month there. That alone is more than a month’s full time pay at 10/hr

Do they have rent control or real estate that was grandfathered down from back in the affordable days?
 
Ahh, the good old days of no angry hipster tripe. Ewe yuck! OMG how can you eat that slop! It ain't local than it sucks!!!1!11!!!

Just chopped down a double Wendy's spicey chicken breasts that I named the Kim Kardashian.

Mmmmmmm.

I hope you find help.
 
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