We are gonna win the lottery (official thread)

[b_line]

Left or right? Y'all better decided soon.

Andy Larsen ✔ ‎@andyblarsen
These are your representatives at the draft lottery one week from today: Dennis Lindsey, Justin Zanik, Steve Starks. https://twitter.com/StevenStarks/status/730176393162563584 …

With a lineup like that there is no-way the jazz can lose.

We will all know by this time next Tuesday.

Right for sure. That's the problem child.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I337Z using JazzFanz mobile app

 

[Douchebag K]

Right for sure. That's the problem child.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I337Z using JazzFanz mobile app

the sacrifice would be even more powerful if it's done without anaesthesia .....

 

[Joe Bagadonuts]

After careful consideration, I think we should let b_line give his right nut for the top pick. It worked well for the Cavs in getting LeBron back and we should emulate them in trying to get Kevin Durant this offseason.

So the plan moving forward should be. . . jump up in the lotto and get a potential franchise player (Simmons/Ingram) for down the line (but don't be stupid and trade him for Kevin Love), then trade Burks and picks for Jeff Teague (even if it's just as a rental), trade Burke, Pleiss, ($6 million cap space freed up) cash and the 2nd round picks to get the two best draft and stash prospects that they can, set aside the $26 million needed to sign KD and use the remaining cap space ($8-9 million) and Quin's reputation/relationship to get Pau Gasol.

Then you put DL, Snyder, Hayward, Gobert and Malone to work and sell Durant on a full 4/3 MAX contract with a potential starting lineup of Gobert, Favors, Durant, Hayward and Teague with Gasol, Lyles, Simmons/Ingram, Hood, Exum and Mack off the bench. . . (plus Jingles, Withey and Neto rounding out the roster.)

All they have to do is give b_line's right nut to get the #1 pick and the rest should fall nicely into place.

Wow. It all sounds so simple and obvious when you put it like that. B_line, we're all counting on you. Don't let us down.

 

[mellow]

Wow. It all sounds so simple and obvious when you put it like that. B_line, we're all counting on you. Don't let us down.

Not really a big deal, if you're done having kids you don't even need them. And you will probably enjoy all that extra space in your boxers.

 

[Stoked]

Left or right? Y'all better decided soon.

Andy Larsen ✔ ‎@andyblarsen
These are your representatives at the draft lottery one week from today: Dennis Lindsey, Justin Zanik, Steve Starks. https://twitter.com/StevenStarks/status/730176393162563584 …

With a lineup like that there is no-way the jazz can lose.

We will all know by this time next Tuesday.

The NBA is a sucker for kids. Send JP Gibson you fools!

 

[Coach Ellis]

Left or right? Y'all better decided soon.

Andy Larsen ✔ ‎@andyblarsen
These are your representatives at the draft lottery one week from today: Dennis Lindsey, Justin Zanik, Steve Starks. https://twitter.com/StevenStarks/status/730176393162563584 …

With a lineup like that there is no-way the jazz can lose.

We will all know by this time next Tuesday.

Which one of them will be wearing the Jazz bear costume?

 

[Thee Idiotic Minivan K]

The NBA is a sucker for kids. Send JP Gibson you fools!

This is the kind of planning the org needs. We send JP, and the NBA draft lottery is putty in our hands, unless some other team has a kid that's more adorable, but I'm not sure such a child exists.

I'd like to make a change to an earlier statement about being nice to Batman if we win the lottery.

I will be nice to that rat if we get anywhere in the top three. However, if we move to 13-14 I will destroy his mental state all the way to Arkham asylum where he will never be heard from again.

 

[colton]

The NBA is a sucker for kids. Send JP Gibson you fools!

That would be awesome. And an awesome PR move.

 

[fishonjazz]

The NBA is a sucker for kids. Send JP Gibson you fools!

This

 

[mellow]

Which one of them will be wearing the Jazz bear costume?

I guess it has to be the left one, cause B_line is giving up the right one. Either way though I'm confused about the costume thing, seems kind of strange.

 

[The Jazz Wonderbra]

I am dead serious about this. I will give my right nut if Adam Silver will take it. Jazz get the number one pick, I get rid of my right nut. win win win. It's the best of all scenarios.

Great story for ya'll about a left nut sacrifice. I had a friend in high school named Tony. He was half Mexican, half Black, and he had 1 arm plus a two finger stub. Super cool guy. Lived on the west side and his family didn't have much money.

Tony's left nut swelled up one morning. He went to the hospital and the doc diagnosed it as an over productive nut. He was tasked with masterbating 3 times a day and all would be well. Unfortunately one week later, the danglerball had grown to the size of a softball. Tony went back in to the hospital and got a second opinion. They told him it was misdiagnosed and he actually had a twisted tube.

They amputated ol faithful. And they knew they had one heckuva malpractice suit with a double minority, handicap kid. They offered him a $400,000 check on the spot.

Tony had a huge smile the next week. He pulled up to my house in his new red camero and telling me the story of how he sold his left nut for a new house and college.

B_line. I am pleased for your sacrifice. The first overall pick would be ALMOST as worthy of a cause as dear ol one armed, one nut Tony.

 

[b_line]

My right nut gets its tubes twisted, that's why I would give it up. It's a super painful experience. I have to untangle it. I hate having it around sometimes.

 

[green]

My right nut gets its tubes twisted, that's why I would give it up. It's a super painful experience. I have to untangle it. I hate having it around sometimes.

I would think with how painful it is, you'd hate having it "around" all the time.

Bazinga.

 

[Keefe]

My right nut gets its tubes twisted, that's why I would give it up. It's a super painful experience. I have to untangle it. I hate having it around sometimes.

You serious?

I actually had testicular torsion once. I'm walking out of the bathroom in the middle of the night and it just hit me. I fell to my knees. Excruciating for a couple of seconds. It came and went for a couple days and finally I went and got an ultrasound done one day after school. So basically, I'm sitting there, my legs wide, and a hot nurse/tech rubs the ultrasound device with the cool lube on it around my testes. Long story short, I started to get a chub. Had about a quarter one and it was growing. I was terrified. The woman was relatively hot. So in my mind, I kept telling myself to picture ugly chicks, picture ugly chicks. I was seconds away from saying something like, "Is it typical to get aroused during something like this?" because I knew I was gonna have to play it off but thankfully, he sat like a good boy.

As she went to the door, she turned and said, "Is there anything else you need?" and I so wanted to deliver a dirty line back. It felt like I was in one of the millions of porns I've watched. And I swear she seemed sort of up for it. But I didn't. I love MsSerp too much. Or something.

 

[b_line]

You serious?

I actually had testicular torsion once. I'm walking out of the bathroom in the middle of the night and it just hit me. I fell to my knees. Excruciating for a couple of seconds. It came and went for a couple days and finally I went and got an ultrasound done one day after school. So basically, I'm sitting there, my legs wide, and a hot nurse/tech rubs the ultrasound device with the cool lube on it around my testes. Long story short, I started to get a chub. Had about a quarter one and it was growing. I was terrified. The woman was relatively hot. So in my mind, I kept telling myself to picture ugly chicks, picture ugly chicks. I was seconds away from saying something like, "Is it typical to get aroused during something like this?" because I knew I was gonna have to play it off but thankfully, he sat like a good boy.

As she went to the door, she turned and said, "Is there anything else you need?" and I so wanted to deliver a dirty line back. It felt like I was in one of the millions of porns I've watched. And I swear she seemed sort of up for it. But I didn't. I love MsSerp too much. Or something.

Yep. It's terrible. I have had experiences like that with getting physicals a couple times. So damn awkward.

 

[Jamezz]

That would be awesome. And an awesome PR move.

Great idea.

 

[The Jazz Wonderbra]

You serious?

I actually had testicular torsion once. I'm walking out of the bathroom in the middle of the night and it just hit me. I fell to my knees. Excruciating for a couple of seconds. It came and went for a couple days and finally I went and got an ultrasound done one day after school. So basically, I'm sitting there, my legs wide, and a hot nurse/tech rubs the ultrasound device with the cool lube on it around my testes. Long story short, I started to get a chub. Had about a quarter one and it was growing. I was terrified. The woman was relatively hot. So in my mind, I kept telling myself to picture ugly chicks, picture ugly chicks. I was seconds away from saying something like, "Is it typical to get aroused during something like this?" because I knew I was gonna have to play it off but thankfully, he sat like a good boy.

As she went to the door, she turned and said, "Is there anything else you need?" and I so wanted to deliver a dirty line back. It felt like I was in one of the millions of porns I've watched. And I swear she seemed sort of up for it. But I didn't. I love MsSerp too much. Or something.

Great post. I was rolling!

The tube twister basically had my bud's softball sized squishy in an awe inspiring pain. Testicular tube twisting has gotta be worse than waterboarding for sure! The pain, the fear, the knowledge that you will be a unic. My grandpa used to say that if he were in charge of disciplining child molesters, he would offer jail time for the first round with plenty of videos and demonstrations of repeat offender's punishment. The repeat offender punishment would be to strap someone up to a railroad track by their testiculos. They would then be given a train schedule and a rusted spoon.

Needless to say, his plan would be inhumane and terribly effective I am sure.

 

[MrMojoRisin]

I'm feelin it you guys.

 

[Cappy_Smurf]

I'd happily sacrifice b_line's right nut.

I'd gladly throw in his lefty as well. I'm kinda curious if he would actually start speaking in a much higher tone. Plus, we'd get the pick.

 

[Big Kahuna]

You serious?

I actually had testicular torsion once. I'm walking out of the bathroom in the middle of the night and it just hit me. I fell to my knees. Excruciating for a couple of seconds. It came and went for a couple days and finally I went and got an ultrasound done one day after school. So basically, I'm sitting there, my legs wide, and a hot nurse/tech rubs the ultrasound device with the cool lube on it around my testes. Long story short, I started to get a chub. Had about a quarter one and it was growing. I was terrified. The woman was relatively hot. So in my mind, I kept telling myself to picture ugly chicks, picture ugly chicks. I was seconds away from saying something like, "Is it typical to get aroused during something like this?" because I knew I was gonna have to play it off but thankfully, he sat like a good boy.

As she went to the door, she turned and said, "Is there anything else you need?" and I so wanted to deliver a dirty line back. It felt like I was in one of the millions of porns I've watched. And I swear she seemed sort of up for it. But I didn't. I love MsSerp too much. Or something.

Okay, okay, I have to chime in on this one! LOL about the nut the story! Tears were coming to my eyes I was laughing so "hard"! (pun intended)
I actually had the same problem once and it wasn't a happy ending.

My sac was the size of a large grapefruit/softball and they removed the right one (it was dead) and stitched up the left so that it wouldn't twist like the right one had done. They asked me if I wanted a fake nut put in place of the missing one and I said "no". I should've had a fake one put in. I could've dropped my pants and squeezed it or pounded it to freak people out.

Anyway, the worse thing that happened is my dad told my uncles ( his brothers)that I had been in the hospital. They came running over all worried to see me from as far away as 100 miles and how I was doing. He paraded them into my bedroom and while I was laying there in bed, he whipped back my blankets and sheets exposing my super galactic sized nut sac saying something like, "Ta Da! Have you ever seen any like that?" Well a slight hush fell over the crowd of my Uncles, ( my dad had three brothers there) as they stared with eyes almost popping out of their heads and gasped at my plight. They all commented that they had never seen a nut sac that large before. There I laid in bed fully humiliated at my father's sophomoric antics. I couldn't threaten him or jump up out of bed to chase him down and beat him to within an inch of his life. I was in too much pain and in the recuperation process, so I just laid there waiting for the covers to be thrown back down on me and he finally did that and left with his brothers.

Needless to say, I went on and married and had six kids thanks to my left nut!