CONAN
Well-Known Member
People can talk all they want but it has and never will be about money for BYU. Trust me, they got plenty. They don't need any help from any big boys like Utah does.
Lemme break this down for you knobs:
BYU: Hello?
ESPN: Hey, this is ESPN. We'd like to broadcast a bunch of your games to a national audience. We like your brand.
BYU: Really? That's sweet. But listen we have our own thing.
ESPN: Hey, no problem we will broadcast a bunch of games and you can rebroadcast whenever you want. Plus, you can do whatever you want with your other games.
BYU: That's sweet. How much do we owe you?
ESPN: We'll pay you to make this happen?
BYU: Wait, what? The mountains are making the reception bad because it sounded like you just said you would pay us to make us the next Notre Dame.
ESPN: Ya that's right. And speaking of Notre Dame, we have some people over there. We could grease the wheels a little bit and maybe get a series scheduled?
BYU: Wow! This sounds to good to be true. But sometimes we aren't very good and we even lose to Utah a lot. I know embarassing but true.
ESPN: Who cares about that. Your brand is a great one. Only bigots hate!
BYU: Cool.
ESPN: Ya, we actually have people in Texas and we'll work on that series, too. As a matter of fact, we pretty much have the most pull of any media conglomerate out there. This deal will make us best friends.
BYU: This is frickin sweet! Where do we send the billions of dollars this would be worth.
ESPN: No, don't sweat it. We're actually gonna do all that and we'll pay you millions besides.
BYU: Frickin sweat!
Utah: Hello?
Pac12: Ya, just shutup and listen. We know you guys have been pining for the big boys for centuries. Well, we had a bunch of deals fall through including those punks down and BYU and well we need someone to make it an even 12 and Utah State gave us the finger so we are allowing you guys aboard?
Utah: Hey that is awesome we should negotiate with . . .
Pac12: Listen dooshbags. There will be no negotiating. You are scum and have nothing to offer. You will come into our league but we get most of the profits for the first little while. This is how it was in elementary school and how it is now.
Utah: But that's our money! That's not . . .
Pac12: No it's our money and will always be our money. We'll just share it with you every now and then. Even when you suck we will share it with you.
Utah: I've heard the Pac12 is hard to get on TV.
Pac12: TV deals are of no concern. If your fans are true fans they will travel well and also fill your 10,000-seat stadium. Oh, and that needs to be upgraded by the way. Come to think of it, all your facilities suck and need to be upgraded. So get that done pronto.
Utah: I dunno, this deal seems kinda sketchy.
Pac12: Listen, dickwads. If you think you can get any other conference to play ball with you go ahead. You wanna play ball with us you play by our rules not yours. Know your place and toe the company line.
Utah: We're in.
Pac12: By the way don't lose to Utah State we don't like them.
Utah: Don't sweat that we haven't lost to them in forever.
Lemme break this down for you knobs:
BYU: Hello?
ESPN: Hey, this is ESPN. We'd like to broadcast a bunch of your games to a national audience. We like your brand.
BYU: Really? That's sweet. But listen we have our own thing.
ESPN: Hey, no problem we will broadcast a bunch of games and you can rebroadcast whenever you want. Plus, you can do whatever you want with your other games.
BYU: That's sweet. How much do we owe you?
ESPN: We'll pay you to make this happen?
BYU: Wait, what? The mountains are making the reception bad because it sounded like you just said you would pay us to make us the next Notre Dame.
ESPN: Ya that's right. And speaking of Notre Dame, we have some people over there. We could grease the wheels a little bit and maybe get a series scheduled?
BYU: Wow! This sounds to good to be true. But sometimes we aren't very good and we even lose to Utah a lot. I know embarassing but true.
ESPN: Who cares about that. Your brand is a great one. Only bigots hate!
BYU: Cool.
ESPN: Ya, we actually have people in Texas and we'll work on that series, too. As a matter of fact, we pretty much have the most pull of any media conglomerate out there. This deal will make us best friends.
BYU: This is frickin sweet! Where do we send the billions of dollars this would be worth.
ESPN: No, don't sweat it. We're actually gonna do all that and we'll pay you millions besides.
BYU: Frickin sweat!
Utah: Hello?
Pac12: Ya, just shutup and listen. We know you guys have been pining for the big boys for centuries. Well, we had a bunch of deals fall through including those punks down and BYU and well we need someone to make it an even 12 and Utah State gave us the finger so we are allowing you guys aboard?
Utah: Hey that is awesome we should negotiate with . . .
Pac12: Listen dooshbags. There will be no negotiating. You are scum and have nothing to offer. You will come into our league but we get most of the profits for the first little while. This is how it was in elementary school and how it is now.
Utah: But that's our money! That's not . . .
Pac12: No it's our money and will always be our money. We'll just share it with you every now and then. Even when you suck we will share it with you.
Utah: I've heard the Pac12 is hard to get on TV.
Pac12: TV deals are of no concern. If your fans are true fans they will travel well and also fill your 10,000-seat stadium. Oh, and that needs to be upgraded by the way. Come to think of it, all your facilities suck and need to be upgraded. So get that done pronto.
Utah: I dunno, this deal seems kinda sketchy.
Pac12: Listen, dickwads. If you think you can get any other conference to play ball with you go ahead. You wanna play ball with us you play by our rules not yours. Know your place and toe the company line.
Utah: We're in.
Pac12: By the way don't lose to Utah State we don't like them.
Utah: Don't sweat that we haven't lost to them in forever.