I think spanking should be a part of discipline. It is not the answer to everything but it has its time and place.
I did what many told me not to and I would like your wisdom, guys
- Thread starter Archie Moses
- Start date
I think spanking should be a part of discipline. It is not the answer to everything but it has its time and place.
MK11
Active Member
I don't believe spanking can make a significant difference discipline wise. I'm on side for searching better ways.
Gyp Rosetti
Banned
How many children do you have? How old are you?
MK11
Active Member
27. Not the number of my children but my age. I'm too unbalanced to get married yet.
Anyway, I believe people think too short-term. "Hmm, now I spank him, and it's a solution, because it works."
But the thing I am trying to say is this: When a non-spanked child get to his/her twenties, will he/she be a nasty/naughty/undisciplined person just because he/she hasn't been spanked? I don't think so.
By the way, spanking/beating etc are very common in our culture. You even can see moms/dads who spank their children in the streets. And I really can say those children are gonna be the nasty ones on the base of my observations.
Plus, I really advice the modern science observations. My house is full of books about child-development and they are quite interesting. My elder sister now is an academician on the issue(child development) and a pre-school teacher. And she knows tons of tricks to get a child into the way what ever you want. Forbidding smthing, spankin or scolding them, awarding or punishing them are somewhat old fashion and unefficient most of the time. Don't forget children are way smarter than we think and they are more negotiable and able to compromise with when you respect them. Needless to say, "being respected" is one of the most important things and certainly a key to gain self-esteem especially for the children. And its base is same with all the advices like "Hey Archie, do treat him like he's an adult." And I definitely agree on that.
So let me state my opinon on the issue one more time. I say it's possible to raise a beautiful and lovely child without spanking him/her. Maybe you'll have to labor more on him/her, spend more time, more effort and search more on the issue but isn't that the point already? I mean come on it's not like your making a meal, it's a friggin new person, another human into the world. It has a life, I mean it's a living thing. I even don't spank my cat let alone hitting my child, I would give more effort to find better ways rather than hitting him/her.
I would love him, respect him, teach him, educate him, play with him, let him know that I'm his father not his OWNER or BOSS. Then, I believe he'd be my lovely son with a free strong personality and self-esteem."
Duck Rodgers
Well-Known Member
I'm going to practice a controversial method of parenting when I have kids....I believe in psychology jargon they call it, "winging it."
Spanking--Most children will benefit from this if it's on a reasonable level. Some will benefit from a higher level a la Trout but some will rebel. That's just how we are. It doesn't matter how well you parent some children they're going to turn out for the worse. The opposite goes for ****ty parents who father and mother disasters in the making but the children overcome all odds to achieve greatness. Environment matters a lot, but there's no set in stone guide book for every child. They're all different and results will be nature dependent.
Baby talk--IMO it's ridiculous to tell someone not to talk baby talk. IT'S A BABY. Don't do it all the time by any means but baby talking is healthy. It helps create important bonds between parent and child. Hell, pick up one of the gazillion breast feeding books they cram down your throat and you'll get the jist of the idea.
We do what Gameface's wife did and used a lot of descriptive words along with just talking about something using as many different words for an object as we could. I also take stuffed animals, cars, etc. and have them talk to my kids. It really helps build their imaginations and they're not so dependent on us for entertainment.
Baby talk--IMO it's ridiculous to tell someone not to talk baby talk. IT'S A BABY. Don't do it all the time by any means but baby talking is healthy. It helps create important bonds between parent and child. Hell, pick up one of the gazillion breast feeding books they cram down your throat and you'll get the jist of the idea.
We do what Gameface's wife did and used a lot of descriptive words along with just talking about something using as many different words for an object as we could. I also take stuffed animals, cars, etc. and have them talk to my kids. It really helps build their imaginations and they're not so dependent on us for entertainment.
MK11
Active Member
I'm really having hard time to understand what kind of significant benefit can a child get from spanking. I don't believe it's worthy even there is such a benefit.
Yes your child still may end as terrorist or the president, or, as a liar, cruel and foul-mouthed douche or a Jesus-like pretty person, no matter what you do. But as a parent you should do your best and I can't see spanking as the best thing to achieve some discipline. And if there are any benefit of spanking other than so-called discipline use, they are too can be obtained by other methods, games as in the first instance. Children learn almost everything via games, so you can use this as parents' advantage.
Baby talk, you are right. I didn't mean you never should do. Actually it's a natural thing, even the most serious guy can turn into a monkey against a baby to entertain him. In fact you should see me in that action. But respecting to a child and treating him/her as a dear person, will bring in lots of goods for the child's sake...
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CONAN
Well-Known Member
4 kids here ages 9-17.
I know it's not the popular route but in my field I see way too many kids that haven't had a enough discipline. They need a father not a friend.
Don't be the guy that can't take care of his own kids. Like wife is afraid to leave you alone with them for more than five minutes let alone overnight.
I know it's a fathering thread but being a good husband is a big part of being a good father. Honestly communicate with the wife and make sure you guys are on the same page.
I know it's not the popular route but in my field I see way too many kids that haven't had a enough discipline. They need a father not a friend.
Don't be the guy that can't take care of his own kids. Like wife is afraid to leave you alone with them for more than five minutes let alone overnight.
I know it's a fathering thread but being a good husband is a big part of being a good father. Honestly communicate with the wife and make sure you guys are on the same page.
CONAN
Well-Known Member
The spanking thing only works until you can reason with the kid. You are not going to reason with a 18-month old grabbing ornaments off the tree. But a quick slap to the hands gets the point across in no time. And it doesn't even have to hurt. Just the act itself will get their attention. But as soon as they can reason a little bit the time for physicality is past (but I haven't always followed this).
Yup. Like I said, it took 20+ years to realize that what he was doing was right, that it worked, and that I loved him for it. Like someone said earlier, I was a complete rebel with my folks. If they wanted me to do it, I made sure to do the exact opposite. We're both (me and my parents) better people for having gone through it, and it has taught me that no matter what I do, my daughters are going to be their own persons (people?), and I'm going to love and support them no matter which way they decide to go.
Wait, you have no kids? So you have no frame of reference here, MK11. You're like a child who wanders into the middle of a movie and wants to know... Give us all a break, and stop giving opinions as fact when you clearly have no frickin' idea of what you're talking about.
I bet your parents never spanked you, and it shows.
Archie Moses
Well-Known Member
Trout is pro spanking? Duh! Dude spanks it all the time.
Hehepeepeecaca
Hehepeepeecaca
MK11
Active Member
I'm not an empiric guy. If I were I would agree with you. Because my parents did spanked me a lot. But on contrary of your case, I don't believe it did any good to me.
Anyway, anyone free to spank or beat their children, I think there isn't any law against it. It's their choice. I just won't...
Gyp Rosetti
Banned
Very well said. The amount of parents who are friends with their kids amazes me. Or the amount who say **** about other parents not disciplining their kids and then turn a blind eye to their own child acting like Captain Douchebag shocks me. Manners. Morality. Decency. A sense of one's place in the world. These are common things that need to be taught. In the scheme of things, your child isn't ****. Nor is mine. No one person is that important. Yet they are. If that makes sense. And yet parents allow their children to walk around doing whatever they please whenever they please.
MK11
Active Member
I quit. Not that because I agree with the spankers. It's just... my english is not enough to argue. Especially at the friggin 6:00 am...
Gyp Rosetti
Banned
This a broad statement but my father who was an administrator -- and whose wife was as well (both are recently retired) -- and who served in Vietnam said he believes the most important lesson a child can learn is that of disappointment. While there's no wrong or right answer, his thought makes great sense. Kids complain and quit because they're not accustomed to failure and overcoming it. Kids act like d-bags because their parents, quite frankly, are too scared to hurt their feelings and do the right thing and discipline them. God forbid their kid's sent to their room without any technological access or luxuries for 48 hours. God forbid a parent say one thing and then actually follow through with it. God forbid a parent admit their kid is a dick and needs a ****ing lesson in basic humanity. Whatever, you get the point. I could go on and on here.
I try to make my kids try everything at least once on their own. Also my older daughter I did not meet till she was 3 1/2. Her mom acted more as her friend than her mother. With my younger daughter I was there from day 1. The difference between the two was night and day. The younger one was raised to know her bounderies. The older one has taken alot of time and effort to teach her the lessons should have been raised with.
Gyp Rosetti
Banned
^
My hat's off to you.
My hat's off to you.
I'm not sure if this is what you're talking about, but I often make my kids fail. I don't mean I give them impossible tasks that they simply cannot do. I mean that I don't step in and take over when they fail to do things they honestly can do. I make them try a number of times and then ask if they'd like some help. And I try not to take over and do it for them. I'll offer suggestions and give a small helping hand, all the while making them do the majority of the work. Something along the lines of teaching them to fish as opposed to giving them a fish.
Gyp Rosetti
Banned
Yes, this is what I mean. Sort of.
