Avery
Well-Known Member
A quick history lesson on why we deserve to lose and have a higher draft pick than the Lakers:
1. Ocean beaches vs. Great Salt Lake. Crashing waves, hot chicks in bikinis, underage drinking. Though we can at least compete in the latter, our own beaches are full of endless amounts of brine, constantly have airplanes flying over them much less the fact that actually stepping into the lake will cause you to contract 98 different diseases. Let us not forget the lake stink; as my grandpappy used to say, “Magna’s so ghetto even the lake stink won’t roll in.”
2. TV Shows Based in SC vs SLC. I watched ‘The OC’. I thought it was awesome – screw you if you didn’t like it. The girls were hot, the scripts were quirky and Ryan was a solid leading man as the misunderstood boy from Chino. Sure the second and third seasons derailed the show but didn’t the fourth season redeem it a little bit? In comparison, ask people what TV shows have been based in Utah and they’ll probably say Sister Wives and My Five Wives. Yes, the only two TV shows you can think of based in Utah feature polygamists who have to fill their wives up more than your F-350 at a Holiday station. Simply not fair and contrary to 99.9999% of how people actually live here.
3. Disneyland vs. Lagoon. Do I really need to go into depth here? Substitute Magic Mountain or even Knotts Berry Farm and it’s apparent that our own amusement park can’t compete. For too many years, families have had to load their minivans and venture down I-15 with their screaming infidels to actually have a good time. You owe us back, God. Speaking of which:
4. God vs. Soulless Assholes. Venture down to Hollywood and stroll down the Walk of Fame sometime and see just how godless this place is. Liquor store, porn store, Louis Vuitton store, etc. It's a scientific fact that there are more whores per capita in LA vs. anywhere in the world. Only in a place this ****ty can the Biebers and Kardashians pollute the earth with their existence. In comparison, I can’t even look out at my bathroom window while taking a leak and not see three church steeples rising towards the heavens. It’s apparent that God is on our side, but why hasn’t that translated into success? Of course, that leads to:
5. Championships vs. No Banners. The Staples Center features 16 championship banners in the rafters. You already know how many we have; The Bear will probably get one in a few years. It’s time to practice a bit of socialism and spread the wealth out.
In conclusion, **** LA. This is our time.
1. Ocean beaches vs. Great Salt Lake. Crashing waves, hot chicks in bikinis, underage drinking. Though we can at least compete in the latter, our own beaches are full of endless amounts of brine, constantly have airplanes flying over them much less the fact that actually stepping into the lake will cause you to contract 98 different diseases. Let us not forget the lake stink; as my grandpappy used to say, “Magna’s so ghetto even the lake stink won’t roll in.”
2. TV Shows Based in SC vs SLC. I watched ‘The OC’. I thought it was awesome – screw you if you didn’t like it. The girls were hot, the scripts were quirky and Ryan was a solid leading man as the misunderstood boy from Chino. Sure the second and third seasons derailed the show but didn’t the fourth season redeem it a little bit? In comparison, ask people what TV shows have been based in Utah and they’ll probably say Sister Wives and My Five Wives. Yes, the only two TV shows you can think of based in Utah feature polygamists who have to fill their wives up more than your F-350 at a Holiday station. Simply not fair and contrary to 99.9999% of how people actually live here.
3. Disneyland vs. Lagoon. Do I really need to go into depth here? Substitute Magic Mountain or even Knotts Berry Farm and it’s apparent that our own amusement park can’t compete. For too many years, families have had to load their minivans and venture down I-15 with their screaming infidels to actually have a good time. You owe us back, God. Speaking of which:
4. God vs. Soulless Assholes. Venture down to Hollywood and stroll down the Walk of Fame sometime and see just how godless this place is. Liquor store, porn store, Louis Vuitton store, etc. It's a scientific fact that there are more whores per capita in LA vs. anywhere in the world. Only in a place this ****ty can the Biebers and Kardashians pollute the earth with their existence. In comparison, I can’t even look out at my bathroom window while taking a leak and not see three church steeples rising towards the heavens. It’s apparent that God is on our side, but why hasn’t that translated into success? Of course, that leads to:
5. Championships vs. No Banners. The Staples Center features 16 championship banners in the rafters. You already know how many we have; The Bear will probably get one in a few years. It’s time to practice a bit of socialism and spread the wealth out.
In conclusion, **** LA. This is our time.
. This makes me a dull boy