I'm 22 with zero ambition to ever get married, my last relationship was 5.5 years and not once thought about marriage and this thread has confirmed my feelings about never getting married.
Wife cheated on me... again
- Thread starter DarkMount
- Start date
addictionary
Well-Known Member
Always a risk telling people what to do with their relationship. And always a risk taking the advice. Sounds like this one worked for the best though.
addictionary
Well-Known Member
Joe Bagadonuts
Well-Known Member
I'm not even a little bit surprised that women don't dare to chat with you.
green
Well-Known Member
That's why he needs a good lawyer.
enchilada_style
Well-Known Member
You have a lot of life left with or without this woman. Ride the emotional roller coaster, at some point you'll have a clear mind and some mental peace. I wish you the best.
leftyjace
Well-Known Member
Good luck, OP.
I haven't read the whole thread, but a small word of advice.
There was a time in the past that I was pretty much in the worst marriage ever and I vented on here quite a bit. While some community members were great and gave me some sound advice, there is a sub-group of long-time posters on here that are... well... ****heads. Granted, I brought a lot of it on myself with my crazy talk and unstable behavior. But sympathy on a message board is hard to come by without some people feeling like they need to tear you down to bring themselves up because they know they're ridiculous.
Take good advice on here if it makes sense.
Ignore the rest of the crap, and make sure you have a thick skin (which is hard to do when you're emotionally distraught).
Good luck. Infidelity is never fun to deal with.
As an inspirational story... I got divorced about 5 years ago (my choice). I was all done with love and decided not to date ever again. A friend insisted on setting me up on a blind date, and so I went, but that friend was kinda crazy so I had no expectations. Turns out this woman is amazing, and my life is pretty freakin' amazing right now - more so than I ever would have imagined. Not kidding. I'm in a dream scenario right now in a lot of ways.
So life CAN definitely get better. If someone's not the right person, they're not the right person. And you have to look at things holistically. Being able to be faithful is a pretty big deal. I wouldn't say "once a cheater always a cheater" (I know that not to be true from personal experience), but someone changing that type of behavior is pretty hard to do.
Again, good luck.
I haven't read the whole thread, but a small word of advice.
There was a time in the past that I was pretty much in the worst marriage ever and I vented on here quite a bit. While some community members were great and gave me some sound advice, there is a sub-group of long-time posters on here that are... well... ****heads. Granted, I brought a lot of it on myself with my crazy talk and unstable behavior. But sympathy on a message board is hard to come by without some people feeling like they need to tear you down to bring themselves up because they know they're ridiculous.
Take good advice on here if it makes sense.
Ignore the rest of the crap, and make sure you have a thick skin (which is hard to do when you're emotionally distraught).
Good luck. Infidelity is never fun to deal with.
As an inspirational story... I got divorced about 5 years ago (my choice). I was all done with love and decided not to date ever again. A friend insisted on setting me up on a blind date, and so I went, but that friend was kinda crazy so I had no expectations. Turns out this woman is amazing, and my life is pretty freakin' amazing right now - more so than I ever would have imagined. Not kidding. I'm in a dream scenario right now in a lot of ways.
So life CAN definitely get better. If someone's not the right person, they're not the right person. And you have to look at things holistically. Being able to be faithful is a pretty big deal. I wouldn't say "once a cheater always a cheater" (I know that not to be true from personal experience), but someone changing that type of behavior is pretty hard to do.
Again, good luck.
fishonjazz
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Yup
fishonjazz
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Douchebag K
Well-Known Member
to the OP .. i can say for sure that a mistake or early life problems that are then dealt with can result in things being healed and happiness. But if as you've said you've been through that phase and she then decided to have an affair for SIX MONTHS !!!!!! because she liked the attention and flattery ... I just don't see a way around that without completely abandoning any sense of self respect. Your wife is either as mentioned a self absorbed narcissist or has some very deep seeded mental / emotional problems and you will be the punching bag/victim if you stay.
My advice would be to maintain your dignity and self respect, don't allow or make excuses for her. You deserve way better.
My advice would be to maintain your dignity and self respect, don't allow or make excuses for her. You deserve way better.
Miggs
Well-Known Member
RandyForRubio
Well-Known Member
Lefty was always good for pumping the horsey sauce.
That's too bad. My marriage and my kids are the best part of my life.
The problem is that in order to achieve that reward you have to open yourself way up emotionally... so it's that much more painful if you get betrayed. But that doesn't mean that you shouldn't open yourself up.
Joe Bagadonuts
Well-Known Member
I completely agree. My situation is obviously not ideal, but I wouldn't give up my children for the world. They are unquestionably the best part of my life.
I'm so sorry you are having to go through all this. It's a horrible thing to live through.
While I know nothing about marriage and can offer no advice there, I do have experience in the child's side. My parents were together since they were 15, married at 19. I came along two years later. There were apparently signs of problems with my dad and other women even then, although my mom doesn't know when the cheating actually began. She didn't leave him then because she was too proud to admit failure.
I always knew there was something wrong with my dad, and it didn't take me long to figure out that he was cheating once I knew what that meant. Kids aren't dumb. I hated my father, but also resented my mother for not leaving him. I begged her for years.
She finally let him get a divorce after 24 years of marriage and four kids. She let him design the terms of the divorce and they didn't get a lawyer. She has had to live very simply while he has gone on to make (and lose) lots of money.
My dad is on his 7th marriage and miserable. My siblings and I only have contact with him out of a weird sense of duty. He has lost everything, since some of his ex's were smart enough to get good lawyers.
So while no one can tell you what to do, in my experience the kids will be happier getting out from under all of it. Try to stay cordial. Fight for your rights to the kids. They need love and lots of it. Give them all the stability you can. Kids are pretty resilient when they see that both parents are okay and making new lives. It's not ideal, but I think it can be really, really good.
Good luck! It's gonna suck for awhile but you'll get through it.
Sent from my HTC6535LVW using JazzFanz mobile app
While I know nothing about marriage and can offer no advice there, I do have experience in the child's side. My parents were together since they were 15, married at 19. I came along two years later. There were apparently signs of problems with my dad and other women even then, although my mom doesn't know when the cheating actually began. She didn't leave him then because she was too proud to admit failure.
I always knew there was something wrong with my dad, and it didn't take me long to figure out that he was cheating once I knew what that meant. Kids aren't dumb. I hated my father, but also resented my mother for not leaving him. I begged her for years.
She finally let him get a divorce after 24 years of marriage and four kids. She let him design the terms of the divorce and they didn't get a lawyer. She has had to live very simply while he has gone on to make (and lose) lots of money.
My dad is on his 7th marriage and miserable. My siblings and I only have contact with him out of a weird sense of duty. He has lost everything, since some of his ex's were smart enough to get good lawyers.
So while no one can tell you what to do, in my experience the kids will be happier getting out from under all of it. Try to stay cordial. Fight for your rights to the kids. They need love and lots of it. Give them all the stability you can. Kids are pretty resilient when they see that both parents are okay and making new lives. It's not ideal, but I think it can be really, really good.
Good luck! It's gonna suck for awhile but you'll get through it.
Sent from my HTC6535LVW using JazzFanz mobile app
Last edited:
green
Well-Known Member
I want to add to my advice:
Don't rip on your wife, or ex-wife, in front of your kids. Change the subject, smile and nod, talk about the Jazz then go get ice-cream. Your kids love you and their mom. They don't want/like to hear negative things about you or their mom. Don't be that guy. Your kids will cherish you for it.
Don't rip on your wife, or ex-wife, in front of your kids. Change the subject, smile and nod, talk about the Jazz then go get ice-cream. Your kids love you and their mom. They don't want/like to hear negative things about you or their mom. Don't be that guy. Your kids will cherish you for it.
Joe Bagadonuts
Well-Known Member
Congrats on your new relationship!
BTW, I only recall seeing one inappropriate post in this entire thread, and I don't think it came from a frequent poster.
Lately I am beginning to see a lot of truths in this statement... may be not entirely the 'worst' decision any 1 person can make (suicide would be worse),...
... but it CAN be a really bad decision for some misguided/mis-matched couples.