Wife cheated on me... again
- Thread starter DarkMount
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Joe Bagadonuts
Well-Known Member
I often wonder how my kids are going to end up seeing me. I do my best, but I make mistakes. For instance, I took them on a vacation last week. They were very excited and we made all sorts of plans over the course of a month. I paid a lot of money for reservations, etc. But when I went to pick them up from their mom's house they asked me if we could wait to leave the next morning. They said their mom had gotten them tickets to an event that night and they really wanted to go. I blew up. It was my time with the kids. She doesn't have the right to schedule things on my days. She knew we were going out of town and I felt certain she did this on purpose. This sort of crap happens all the time, and my children are put in the middle of it. I said all of these things to them before I got my temper under control. I realize I shouldn't have said anything negative about their mom as other posters have pointed out, but it can be so hard in actual practice. What is a person supposed to do in a situation like this?
If it makes you feel better I do not like my dad either. Here's to 20 years and to another 20!
Joe Bagadonuts
Well-Known Member
Pics plz
No parent is going to have complete control of their emotions at all times. I would have been very angry as well, and it does feel like it was a passive-aggressive move on her part. I don't think those are going to be the things that define you to your children, anymore than their temper tantrums define them to you. Your anger stems from not being able to spend more time with them and having your plans upset, and I'm sure they see that (or at least sense it).
No kid gets a perfect parent. What I would hope that kids get is a parent who loves them and shows that love, who tries to be a decent human being, who is present, who wants what is best for their children.
There are certainly worse fathers than mine. He wasn't abusive and made sure we had the essentials of life.
fishonjazz
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Damn bro. That's horrible. Let it out. Vent.
leftyjace
Well-Known Member
I am a firm believer that no matter what you do, if your ex-wife has it in for you, you're screwed.
I have a son that isn't very involved with me and a daughter that I am estranged with. Both relationships were horribly strained by things like the above - even though I acted properly. She indirectly affected my visitation, didn't inform me/invite me to ANYTHING substantial (sports events, school ceremonies, etc.). I was completely cut out and my relationship with my kids suffered for it - even though I tried and tried and tried and tried to either get her to inform me or went around her. There was just not enough notice for me to get involved in everything.
I'm sorry, but it's a fact - if your ex is against you, you're ****ed. Just plain old ****ed. Here's hoping the mother of your children feels strongly that you have rights as a father. Because if you don't, you're ****ed.
It was actually the other side of the coin, and a few posters took exception to it. One being Moevillini who is possibly the most reasonable person I've ever encountered.
Calling your dad an ******* based on your description would have been an easy road. I didn't have the easiest childhood either, but at my age I am able to see the what and the why.
As said joe, easier said and done. We are all human and all of us have our emotions get the better of us sometimes. She either did it on purpose to get you made or didn't care about your time enough to respect it. I hope you held firm and took the kids since you had long standing plans.
Doubt I would have been offended by that either. I agree that my earlier post, while meant to express how children might view cheating parents and how staying together for the sake of the children may not work, was a bit angry and made the conversation about me.
I'm glad you've been able to work through your past. I might be able to as well if the present did not keep blending with the past in ways over which I have little control.
My adoptive dad abandoned me and my brother when I was 16. I have no spoken with him since. He was divorced from my mom and had a new wife with a step daughter and had 2 more boys with her. Several years after he abandoned my brother and I he abandoned them as well.
My brother and I have slowly reached out to that step sister and two brothers and are trying to build some sort of relationship. But "dad" is long gone. Last we heard someone had found him on a mail order bride sight with an address down in Corpus Christi, TX.
Knowing he did it again, has made me unwilling to forgive him. Hope he dies alone and miserable. Interestingly enough I have the hardest feelings towards him out of the 5 kids he did this too.
Sorry to hear your story. It's sad. My siblings and I have all had different processing journeys as well.
Snoop Dogg said it best "Bitches ain't **** but hoes and tricks, Lick on these nuts and suck the dick"
Joe Bagadonuts
Well-Known Member
At first I said, "Well, too bad. We made plans so it's time to go." They started crying and begging. Eventually I realized I did not want to drive four hours with miserable kids who were blaming me for missing their mom's event (it's not their fault that she does this to us) so I said, "can you promise me you'll be ready to go immediately if I come back at 10 pm?" They said yes, so that's what we did. They fell asleep almost immediately once we started driving. We got to our hotel after midnight. Missed some of our plans but still had a great time on our vacation. Next time I pick them up, though, there will be another similar issue. It's practically a guarantee.
Joe Bagadonuts
Well-Known Member
It sounds like he was a real jerk. My experiences have often made me wonder how many of these sorts of men just gave up because of all the obstacles put in their way by the system and their ex. From the kids perspective they would come off as a complete loser, but at some point a man simply cannot put up with any more drama. I've been close to my breaking point on several occasions. The only thing that has stopped me from walking away was the realization that I might never be able to recover my relationship with my children. I have no doubt that my ex would love to cause this to happen.
Joe Bagadonuts
Well-Known Member
If I did the sorts of things as a father that she does as a mother the system would come down on me so hard. The bias against dads is obscene.
Douchebag K
Well-Known Member
too true Having said that there are so many poor excuses for men out there that has led to that overreaction
Damn, reading all your stories only reaffirms my belief that I did hit the parent jackpot. My mom and dad are still married (over 40 years now). One of my parents made at least an appearance at every sporting event I ever participated in. That was no easy task considering there were often times 4 of us playing at overlapping times in different places and my dad was Bishop from the time I was 9 until 14.
My wife, on the other hand, is the opposite. Her dad has been divorced 7 times and has a relationship with only one of his 5 kids. He has always been very selfish on top of emotionally and (occasionally) physically abusive. In fact, there was one time that if I wouldn't have been on my mission, either he or I would have been in jail and the other in the hospital. We see him usually one time a year, and that's too often.
After we'd been married about a month she asked me if I'd asked for his permission before I proposed. When I said no she asked why not. To simplify things I just said "I have zero respect for that man and I didn't need or want his approval". She had no problem with this.
My wife, on the other hand, is the opposite. Her dad has been divorced 7 times and has a relationship with only one of his 5 kids. He has always been very selfish on top of emotionally and (occasionally) physically abusive. In fact, there was one time that if I wouldn't have been on my mission, either he or I would have been in jail and the other in the hospital. We see him usually one time a year, and that's too often.
After we'd been married about a month she asked me if I'd asked for his permission before I proposed. When I said no she asked why not. To simplify things I just said "I have zero respect for that man and I didn't need or want his approval". She had no problem with this.