Miggs
Well-Known Member
You're the ****ing man, brotha. Good peeps.
Wife cheated on me... again
- Thread starter DarkMount
- Start date
You're the ****ing man, brotha. Good peeps.
ConradA24
Well-Known Member
Yep.
And not doubting any of your stories, but my BIL tells the same stories of his ex and talks about how he's dad of the year, but he's a doucebag to my SIL and a crappy dad so it's hard to take his side on anything.
RandyForRubio
Well-Known Member
See, this is all just stuff I was always naive too. I mean, my parents rarely even fought, and even when they did, it wasn't ever a big fight. I'm super close with my parents, and my wife's parents. It's awesome. I hope everybody gets the opportunity to be that way with their family some day, and I hope I'm the kind of husband/dad that my kids will want to be close with me too.
Joe Bagadonuts
Well-Known Member
I had very good parents, but they went through a really rough time in their marriage when I was 13. I thought they were going to get divorced for sure. They fixed things, though, and ultimately their relationship became amazing as my dad cared for my mom during cancer. They set a beautiful example to all of their grandchildren and to all of their children and their children's spouses (except one). There is no doubt that I fought harder to save my marriage because of what I'd seen with my parents.
Joe Bagadonuts
Well-Known Member
I'm still close with my former mother-in-law, btw. She raised my ex wife as a single mother. I really admire her. I've wondered how much never having a dad had to do with the the things my ex eventually did to our relationship.
Batman
Well-Known Member
Wow that's tough man. Sounds like she wants to get back at you for something. It's too bad when adults resort to childish behavior.
Sent from my iPhone using JazzFanz mobile app
Joe Bagadonuts
Well-Known Member
She wants to get back at me for catching her having an affair.
green
Well-Known Member
Talk to your lawyer about it. Don't complain to the kids. They are dumb. They will soon be bored of her crap or she will run out of money and they will respect/love you even more because you were the decent one through it all. Kids aren't dumb. They quickly pick up on one parent being a dick.
green
Well-Known Member
Buy a small notebook that you can keep in your car. Every time you go to pick up your kids, write down the date, the time you arrived and a description of what happened and what time you ACTUALLY picked up the kids. Even if she is 5 mins late. Do this every.single.time. Even when she is on time. Every time. Then, snap a picture of the page and have it save up to icloud or whatever, just so you have a pic of the notebook that has the date and time stamped on it.
That way, if this continues, you can have the judge enforce the custody or even amend the custody in your favor.
This sounds like crazy, tin foil head ****, but it is the game you are playing. This is the stuff that makes judges and lawyers get stiffies in the morning. Protect yourself.
That way, if this continues, you can have the judge enforce the custody or even amend the custody in your favor.
This sounds like crazy, tin foil head ****, but it is the game you are playing. This is the stuff that makes judges and lawyers get stiffies in the morning. Protect yourself.
An honest question: What was her motivation in confessing the affair?
Joe Bagadonuts
Well-Known Member
She married my neighbor. Trust me, she won't ever run out of money unless he gets sick of her act. My wife and kids have a lot nicer lifestyle than I do, but I still have to pay a large amount of child support every month.
Regarding talking to the lawyer, he knows the general situation (not this specific instance, but these sorts of things have been happening ever since I discovered the affair). He doesn't feel like there is a case worth pursuing. He says that we would most likely spend a lot of money, the judge would tell her not to behave the way she is, and then her behavior may or may not change but there would be little I could actually do about it. There are no damages to be recovered.
Late to the discussion, but the fact that she actively sought to have an affair with anonymous sex partners through Ashley Madison seems an unambiguous act of betrayal. It's not as though she just innocently met someone and feelings took over. She basically went online to search through a bunch of strangers, found someone (who happens to be well off financially) and said, "Take me!" She did this not just once or twice, but repeatedly over the course of 6 months.
It's not my place to speculate here, but I will anyway because I've seen this before with couples I've known... From a distance, it simply looks as though she wanted an end to her financial challenges, wanted some kind of do-over in marriage and life because she wasn't happy for one reason or another, and probably wanted to be with a man who was richer that the OP. She's probably in her early-to-mid 30s and feels as though she still has a time window to take a shot and see if she can attract a man whom she likes. So she tested the waters for 6 months to see if she can pull it off. She's conflicted, but not nearly enough to stop her from pursuing this for 6 months. She knows she's giving the OP almost no choice but to leave her, and this is probably the outcome she wants, presuming she can "find someone better or more to her liking." To do this in a situation where there are kids involved makes it all more deplorable.
The above may sound harsh, but I've seen it before. (FWIW, this is a real trend with Russian women whom I wouldn't touch with a 10-ft pole. They marry for convenience, then dump, then remarry when it suits them. The problem is ultimately that they marry too casually the first time, and likely the second time as well.) The woman is comparing her life with the OP to a vision in her head of how she'd like things to be, rather than being committed to adapt to and make use of the way things are.
That, or it's simply a case of unbridled sex addiction, but I'm guessing that's not really what's going on. It sounds like she wants out and has admitted as much.
</said too much>
It's not my place to speculate here, but I will anyway because I've seen this before with couples I've known... From a distance, it simply looks as though she wanted an end to her financial challenges, wanted some kind of do-over in marriage and life because she wasn't happy for one reason or another, and probably wanted to be with a man who was richer that the OP. She's probably in her early-to-mid 30s and feels as though she still has a time window to take a shot and see if she can attract a man whom she likes. So she tested the waters for 6 months to see if she can pull it off. She's conflicted, but not nearly enough to stop her from pursuing this for 6 months. She knows she's giving the OP almost no choice but to leave her, and this is probably the outcome she wants, presuming she can "find someone better or more to her liking." To do this in a situation where there are kids involved makes it all more deplorable.
The above may sound harsh, but I've seen it before. (FWIW, this is a real trend with Russian women whom I wouldn't touch with a 10-ft pole. They marry for convenience, then dump, then remarry when it suits them. The problem is ultimately that they marry too casually the first time, and likely the second time as well.) The woman is comparing her life with the OP to a vision in her head of how she'd like things to be, rather than being committed to adapt to and make use of the way things are.
That, or it's simply a case of unbridled sex addiction, but I'm guessing that's not really what's going on. It sounds like she wants out and has admitted as much.
</said too much>
Is this meant for me? Don't know anymore in this thread.
It was a combination of things one was that she didn't know if she wanted to stay or leave. So by telling me I would make the decision for her thinking for sure I would end things. Another was the extreme guilt.
After the first guy she figured it was for sure over between us which which she said made her distance herself from me and said she "fell out of love" with me. That left the opening for her to fall for the next guy. That one was a more spontaneous thing after she figured we were done.
Obviously there is more to all of this than I can explain. Not that it make anything ok or easier.
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Well, the way I'd look at this. . . . after checking for the alternatives as I've done. . . . yah, ya gotta just get out of her life. The messaging is all wrong if you stay, you're saying you won't do anything no matter what she does.
Following up on Kicky's relevant question:
What is your motive for subjecting yourself to all this? You think you won't find another girl, or can't, who's pretty? No, you will if you have the guts to stand up and walk out.
leftyjace
Well-Known Member
I have to agree, DarkMount.
After reading all you've said (and granted, it's just your side of the story, but still) I don't see how you CAN stay, regardless of the family situation with the kids. She knows she's in the wrong. But that's no guarantee she won't be worse about it in the future. You have more to think about here - primarily yourself.
The kids will be fine whatever happens. One way or another, things will work out / even out. It sounds like she will have guilt associated with the breakup of the marriage, which means she will work with you.
But dude... for your sake... and for your sanity's sake... and your self-worth's sake... I believe that you should get the heck out of Dodge.
After reading all you've said (and granted, it's just your side of the story, but still) I don't see how you CAN stay, regardless of the family situation with the kids. She knows she's in the wrong. But that's no guarantee she won't be worse about it in the future. You have more to think about here - primarily yourself.
The kids will be fine whatever happens. One way or another, things will work out / even out. It sounds like she will have guilt associated with the breakup of the marriage, which means she will work with you.
But dude... for your sake... and for your sanity's sake... and your self-worth's sake... I believe that you should get the heck out of Dodge.
leftyjace
Well-Known Member
Ah. Missed that - I actually didn't take the time to read through the whole thing. My bad.
But in that case - I am AFFIRMED!
