https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5P8L0r4JVpo#t=176
fishonjazz
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Also, things could get splashy
Just made this thread educational. BAM!!
Also, been on that daily Kale/Cucumber smoothie, all my poop be green.
JGolds
Well-Known Member
I have many tales could weave about poop. i have had many glorious turds and have a friend base who also have glorious moments or turdness. oh where to begin.
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so in high school i always disliked using the rest rooms poop on the toilet seat is a huge deterrent for me. and all HS toilets have a lump or two of crap on it. but there was this one bathroom by the home ec/ cooking class rooms that always had a very pristine bathroom. no usually i held my poop as long as i could cause i hated going at school, so when i get to the bathroom i really have no agency, i will either go in my pants or the toilet. so i walk in what is usually a nice clean bathroom to do work and what do i find on the floor in my stall??? i turd on the floor standing up right i could tell it had been shaped by the hands of someone skilled just by the detail of the turd. not to mention it had a cap made of toilet paper around what i would presume was its neck. i took my poop in the presence of a super turn that day.
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I had another friend who had been saving up is poop in mason jars and depositing it in random lockers in our high school and then locking them and leaving the poop jars open.. stunk bad
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me and another buddy were doing the whole blue dart thing (u know when you light your farts on fire) well this one time my friend had assumed the position and was about to release the methane to make it all possible but pushes to hard and released some semi solid **** in his pants. blue darting became old news but we tease him all the time
***********************************************************************
had a buddy on the mission that had bad runs we thought it had passed and were going to go out tracking we had just gotten out of the car and were going to go knock some doors when all of a sudden he sneezed, he then looks at me with a look of disappointment and says "elder, we need to go back home" that was all he needed to say, i knew what had been done.
********************************************************************
another buddy at a friend’s house. he was watching a movie with his girl, had a bad stomach ache realized he was in need of a bathroom. he didn’t want to use the downstairs one in fear she would hear. so he began to walk up the stairs, he must have exerted a little to much effort cause i started to poop while going up the stairs. he got about half way to the top and realized the was no saving his pants so he just stopped mid stair tucked his pants in his shoes and finished on the stairs. he then proceeded to the bathroom. he dumped his close in the garbage then went through their dirty close hamper and snuck out the window and went home... good times...
**********************************************************************
last story is about me.
it was the last who-ra before my friends and i were going to leave on our missions. we had been going and doing all our favorite things and hadn’t taken a bathroom break in a while. so we stopped off at a Walmart. i always go to the bathroom in the back by the lay way, i feel it gets less use. helps me poop more freely. so we all go back there to take a ****. while back there i decided id like to pull the bomber stance while pooping.( this is when you stand on top of the stall with your arms supporting you and you poop from a high distance and try to hit your target, like bombing or skydiving for turds.) back to to story. so i get in position and prepare myself i begin to push. (btw my poop has a tendency to be a little runny especially right after eating) (i had just eaten) I released to off valve and began to poop. however it was little bomber or skydivers it was 100% acid rain. my sphincter burned, my poop rained down on that poor stall and toilet like hell fire. my friends see what was happening ditched me and left me with my shameful act. me not know what to do just jumped into the stall next to me wiped left. i still feel bad for what i have done.
***********************************
hope you all found enjoyment in my excrement
*********************************************************************
so in high school i always disliked using the rest rooms poop on the toilet seat is a huge deterrent for me. and all HS toilets have a lump or two of crap on it. but there was this one bathroom by the home ec/ cooking class rooms that always had a very pristine bathroom. no usually i held my poop as long as i could cause i hated going at school, so when i get to the bathroom i really have no agency, i will either go in my pants or the toilet. so i walk in what is usually a nice clean bathroom to do work and what do i find on the floor in my stall??? i turd on the floor standing up right i could tell it had been shaped by the hands of someone skilled just by the detail of the turd. not to mention it had a cap made of toilet paper around what i would presume was its neck. i took my poop in the presence of a super turn that day.
********************************************************************
I had another friend who had been saving up is poop in mason jars and depositing it in random lockers in our high school and then locking them and leaving the poop jars open.. stunk bad
********************************************************************
me and another buddy were doing the whole blue dart thing (u know when you light your farts on fire) well this one time my friend had assumed the position and was about to release the methane to make it all possible but pushes to hard and released some semi solid **** in his pants. blue darting became old news but we tease him all the time
***********************************************************************
had a buddy on the mission that had bad runs we thought it had passed and were going to go out tracking we had just gotten out of the car and were going to go knock some doors when all of a sudden he sneezed, he then looks at me with a look of disappointment and says "elder, we need to go back home" that was all he needed to say, i knew what had been done.
********************************************************************
another buddy at a friend’s house. he was watching a movie with his girl, had a bad stomach ache realized he was in need of a bathroom. he didn’t want to use the downstairs one in fear she would hear. so he began to walk up the stairs, he must have exerted a little to much effort cause i started to poop while going up the stairs. he got about half way to the top and realized the was no saving his pants so he just stopped mid stair tucked his pants in his shoes and finished on the stairs. he then proceeded to the bathroom. he dumped his close in the garbage then went through their dirty close hamper and snuck out the window and went home... good times...
**********************************************************************
last story is about me.
it was the last who-ra before my friends and i were going to leave on our missions. we had been going and doing all our favorite things and hadn’t taken a bathroom break in a while. so we stopped off at a Walmart. i always go to the bathroom in the back by the lay way, i feel it gets less use. helps me poop more freely. so we all go back there to take a ****. while back there i decided id like to pull the bomber stance while pooping.( this is when you stand on top of the stall with your arms supporting you and you poop from a high distance and try to hit your target, like bombing or skydiving for turds.) back to to story. so i get in position and prepare myself i begin to push. (btw my poop has a tendency to be a little runny especially right after eating) (i had just eaten) I released to off valve and began to poop. however it was little bomber or skydivers it was 100% acid rain. my sphincter burned, my poop rained down on that poor stall and toilet like hell fire. my friends see what was happening ditched me and left me with my shameful act. me not know what to do just jumped into the stall next to me wiped left. i still feel bad for what i have done.
***********************************
hope you all found enjoyment in my excrement
Indeed. I was set to try this, feet on the toilet seat, squating. But I look down and realize, if I drop one there's gonna be some major wet booty.
Don't come back to Europe please...
LOL. Never had a poop that I couldn't hold, but it's been close, damn close.
fishonjazz
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My dog havin a memorable poop.
LogGrad98
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Some medical issues can wreak havoc on your body on ways you might not expect. I developed "vomiting" diarrhea (explanation forthcoming), as it came to be known, when I was working through a particularly bad bout of pneumonia involving multiple antibiotics. We were having dinner at our house with some of my wife's family who came to visit us while I was sick, spaghetti I believe. I had that gurgly tummy going on and had already squirted some pure liquid streams at a fairly alarming velocity. One even hit the back of the toilet and carried over out under the toilet seat spraying the wall and back of the toilet with a nice greenish brown shade.
Well I thought I had it pretty much under control while we were eating, but about halfway through dinner I felt the ole stomach starting to bubble again. I could tell this was something different as the cramping set in full force. I stood to excuse myself, turned part way around to leave the room, and stumbled a little over the chair leg, catching myself at exactly the wrong angle, when my colon vomited, and I mean a totally involuntary, violently cramping spastic spray of fecal hell at an alarming rate of both speed and volume. It came clean through the sweat pants I was wearing, and exited in a fine mist that coated the table, chairs, food, dishes, and the people on the other side of the table in that same earthy greenish brown. It was punctuated with spurts of gas that seemed to accelerate the rush of liquid poo and cause splattering that managed to hit about a 160 degree radius from the point of exit. I felt like my intestines were being ripped out of me with a treble hook.
It continued as I tried to run down the hall, shooting down my pant leg coloring my socks and leaving little greenish puddly footprints everywhere I stepped. Ironically, it appeared my colon had shot its entire wad by the time I got to the actual toilet and all I could muster was a few little farts and a minor squirt. It was a 2 hour job for 3 people to clean it all up, especially considering it triggered more than one bout of regular vomit from our "guests". The incident is still spoken of in awe to this day, if spoken of at all.
If there is any consolation, apparently my father-in-law caught it full-on in the face while taking a bite of spaghetti. Gotta appreciate the little things sometimes.
Well I thought I had it pretty much under control while we were eating, but about halfway through dinner I felt the ole stomach starting to bubble again. I could tell this was something different as the cramping set in full force. I stood to excuse myself, turned part way around to leave the room, and stumbled a little over the chair leg, catching myself at exactly the wrong angle, when my colon vomited, and I mean a totally involuntary, violently cramping spastic spray of fecal hell at an alarming rate of both speed and volume. It came clean through the sweat pants I was wearing, and exited in a fine mist that coated the table, chairs, food, dishes, and the people on the other side of the table in that same earthy greenish brown. It was punctuated with spurts of gas that seemed to accelerate the rush of liquid poo and cause splattering that managed to hit about a 160 degree radius from the point of exit. I felt like my intestines were being ripped out of me with a treble hook.
It continued as I tried to run down the hall, shooting down my pant leg coloring my socks and leaving little greenish puddly footprints everywhere I stepped. Ironically, it appeared my colon had shot its entire wad by the time I got to the actual toilet and all I could muster was a few little farts and a minor squirt. It was a 2 hour job for 3 people to clean it all up, especially considering it triggered more than one bout of regular vomit from our "guests". The incident is still spoken of in awe to this day, if spoken of at all.
If there is any consolation, apparently my father-in-law caught it full-on in the face while taking a bite of spaghetti. Gotta appreciate the little things sometimes.
fishonjazz
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Winner. Unbeatable. Long live the king of epic ****s.
Should be on your tombstone when you pass
Best thread ever.
D
Deleted member 848
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What kind/stage of cancer did you have Log, if I might ask.
He had stage 69. The one where his colon actually ate his colon. Pretty hawt, if you think about it.
My buddy took a dump in a Big Gulp cup and we crossed the catwalk-thing on 2-15 by Churchill jr high. Midway through he slammed the open cup against the gate so the pooh would come shooting out, which it did, and then seemed to tumble in slow motion as it splattered some poor schmucks windshield at 75 mph. I swear, I thought I was going to die of laughter. It was perfection.
My buddy took a dump in a Big Gulp cup and we crossed the catwalk-thing on 2-15 by Churchill jr high. Midway through he slammed the open cup against the gate so the pooh would come shooting out, which it did, and then seemed to tumble in slow motion as it splattered some poor schmucks windshield at 75 mph. I swear, I thought I was going to die of laughter. It was perfection.
Bawse Dawg
Well-Known Member
Had a cup of coffee thirty seconds ago, so obviously it was time to poo.
March 26, 2014
6:57 A.M.
Urgency: Moderate
Satisfaction: High
Density: High
Constipation level: Had to give it a satisfying push.
Food: Pasta and a grilled cheese sandwich.
Slime level: Low
Burning sensation: None
Pieces: 3
Shape: Solid lump
Pieces of toilet paper used: One
Amount of poo left in butt: None.
Overall: 8/10, Good poo, not big enough to feel amazing.
March 26, 2014
6:57 A.M.
Urgency: Moderate
Satisfaction: High
Density: High
Constipation level: Had to give it a satisfying push.
Food: Pasta and a grilled cheese sandwich.
Slime level: Low
Burning sensation: None
Pieces: 3
Shape: Solid lump
Pieces of toilet paper used: One
Amount of poo left in butt: None.
Overall: 8/10, Good poo, not big enough to feel amazing.
