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Stupid Pet Peeves

Bah!! i live in a city that never sleeps and im struggling to get a pizza delivered on a tuesday morning
You can only proposition so many pizza delivery guys before they start shying away. Not everyone is a devotee of 50 shades of gray.
 
This is an annual pet peeve.

Went out shopping today, early afternoon. Costco is a madhouse, Walmart is packed, traffic is unusually heavy.

This isn't the holiday season, it's the pointless shopping for garbage season. People are out buying landfill, wrapping it in cute paper and patting themselves on the back for their generosity and thoughtfulness all so that someone they interact with once or twice a year can open up a gift before tossing it into the trashcan.

There are hundreds of products that would never exist except for the fact that they make easy gifts that fit neatly into a gift price category. Walk into a store right now and find the bin of waste that cost $10, $20 or $50. Boom, knock uncle whatshisname off the old gift checklist.
 
That moment when you go to drop a nice on-the-clock deuce and forget your phone, then remember you are missing a meeting, so you rush it, stand up too fast, and turn around and your favorite pen whips out of your pocket and dive-bombs straight into the log with a tiny pish, so you panic and think, "I can just flush the whole damn thing", only all it does it swirl around and dig the pen in deeper and cover it in brown muddy water, so you finally decide you have to bite the bullet and grab a wad of TP big enough to cover your head and grab that sucker and pull it out, flush with your foot, then open the stall door, right when a co-worker enters the bathroom and just stares at you, frozen there holding a ****-cicle on a pen with a stupid look on your face like you just got caught whacking it by your mother and your religious leader at the same time, until you finally shoulder past his stupid gaping face and try to shove the whole thing in the garbage and miss and leave a brown streak on the shiny metal can before grabbing a paper towel and high-tailing it out of there as if you can outrun the moment if you run into your office fast enough, then remembering that you had a meeting, and only realizing as you enter the meeting room late, with all eyes on you, that you never zipped up or did up your belt.

Good times.
 
That moment when you go to drop a nice on-the-clock deuce and forget your phone, then remember you are missing a meeting, so you rush it, stand up too fast, and turn around and your favorite pen whips out of your pocket and dive-bombs straight into the log with a tiny pish, so you panic and think, "I can just flush the whole damn thing", only all it does it swirl around and dig the pen in deeper and cover it in brown muddy water, so you finally decide you have to bite the bullet and grab a wad of TP big enough to cover your head and grab that sucker and pull it out, flush with your foot, then open the stall door, right when a co-worker enters the bathroom and just stares at you, frozen there holding a ****-cicle on a pen with a stupid look on your face like you just got caught whacking it by your mother and your religious leader at the same time, until you finally shoulder past his stupid gaping face and try to shove the whole thing in the garbage and miss and leave a brown streak on the shiny metal can before grabbing a paper towel and high-tailing it out of there as if you can outrun the moment if you run into your office fast enough, then remembering that you had a meeting, and only realizing as you enter the meeting room late, with all eyes on you, that you never zipped up or did up your belt.

Good times.
I can't quit laughing.

Sent from my moto z3 using JazzFanz mobile app
 
That moment when you go to drop a nice on-the-clock deuce and forget your phone, then remember you are missing a meeting, so you rush it, stand up too fast, and turn around and your favorite pen whips out of your pocket and dive-bombs straight into the log with a tiny pish, so you panic and think, "I can just flush the whole damn thing", only all it does it swirl around and dig the pen in deeper and cover it in brown muddy water, so you finally decide you have to bite the bullet and grab a wad of TP big enough to cover your head and grab that sucker and pull it out, flush with your foot, then open the stall door, right when a co-worker enters the bathroom and just stares at you, frozen there holding a ****-cicle on a pen with a stupid look on your face like you just got caught whacking it by your mother and your religious leader at the same time, until you finally shoulder past his stupid gaping face and try to shove the whole thing in the garbage and miss and leave a brown streak on the shiny metal can before grabbing a paper towel and high-tailing it out of there as if you can outrun the moment if you run into your office fast enough, then remembering that you had a meeting, and only realizing as you enter the meeting room late, with all eyes on you, that you never zipped up or did up your belt.

Good times.

Epic.
If that’s me, the pen stays in the toilet. I don’t care if it’s there a week, I ain’t grabbing it.


Sent from my iPad using JazzFanz mobile app
 
When you see some weird looking thing on Amazon so you click it to find out what it is.

Now that thing is 80% of the ads you see on the internet.

Amazon is not as bad as some where if you look at an item they email you about an item you might be interested in, which is that item. Or others where you put something in your cart so they email and text like a bad ex telling you that you forgot something in your cart and to just come back to them and check out.
 
When you see some weird looking thing on Amazon so you click it to find out what it is.

Now that thing is 80% of the ads you see on the internet.

Amazon is not as bad as some where if you look at an item they email you about an item you might be interested in, which is that item. Or others where you put something in your cart so they email and text like a bad ex telling you that you forgot something in your cart and to just come back to them and check out.
Too many thrusting vibrators lately?
 
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