Monogamy and commitment are different things entirely.
cheating...
- Thread starter asian_roger
- Start date
Monogamy and commitment are different things entirely.
So, your logic is that sometimes A happens, so not-A can never obtain? You think that makes me pathetic?
jazz_fanatic
Well-Known Member
No brainer for me as well.
Relationships are messy and usually end up in heartbreak, so take my advice and do what I do -- stay single forever. I can't tell if I'm being serious or not.
Was the guy she cheated on you with asian?
LoL.. I think I'm too dumb to see the logic behind this question...
Fixed ... and that's a good thing.
I'm late to this discussion and probably have little to contribute. I guess the questions I would have if I were in your shoes would be---
a) How old was she when she cheated on you, what were those circumstances? Did she directly break a promise to you? Does she understand she hurt you, and is she sincerely sorry?
b) What was/were the underlying reason(s) she cheated on you (if you can figure this out)? Is this rectified? Are you a good match for each other, or can/should you do better?
Given that she's stayed with you for the past few years, it seems like she really values the relationship, and you should figure out for what reasons she values the relationship and/or what's lacking in it? Do you have real trust now? Is your current relationship just superficial?
I don't think there is a cut-and-dried answer here, and I think you need to try to look below the surface. If you can both come through this as better people, that's positive, whether you stay together or not.
a) How old was she when she cheated on you, what were those circumstances? Did she directly break a promise to you? Does she understand she hurt you, and is she sincerely sorry?
b) What was/were the underlying reason(s) she cheated on you (if you can figure this out)? Is this rectified? Are you a good match for each other, or can/should you do better?
Given that she's stayed with you for the past few years, it seems like she really values the relationship, and you should figure out for what reasons she values the relationship and/or what's lacking in it? Do you have real trust now? Is your current relationship just superficial?
I don't think there is a cut-and-dried answer here, and I think you need to try to look below the surface. If you can both come through this as better people, that's positive, whether you stay together or not.
not necessarily true at all - why should raging hormones have to stop raging after just one time? Sometimes the hormones can rage for months without it ever becoming emotional, don't you think? Sometimes they'll rage even more after the first time or two, but it never really becomes anything more than that.
^^^ I am living proof.
It had.
Hartsock
Banned
Not when you are married. If you are married you have to put yourself in a bad situation in order for this to happen. You have to kind of want it to happen, if that makes any sense. Its not like you are walking down the street and some random dick penetrates you without to your total surprise. You have to put yourself in a situation that a married person souldnt be in.
so you're the product of a one night stand eh? well thanks for sharing that
Is that what I signed up for? I should read before posting ... lol
I agree. If I was with a woman who just happened to lose her inhibitions and had sex with dudes as a spur of the moment thing I'd be pretty concerned. I don't think it'd hurt as bad as thinking you were in a committed relationship only to find out your partner had a long term thing going on with someone else, but it would still make for a bad relationship and difficulty building trust in my opinion.
Wow ... that's ..... wow.....
kwb
Well-Known Member
My opinion on the matter, whether they made out or had sex or even cuddled, what does it matter? She still cheated. Sucks she didn't come out and tell you the truth. The details with cheating don't matter. What matters is that she made a bad choice. If you do forgive her, you can't bring that up anymore. That's the role you have to play. No one on here can tell you whether you can trust her or not. You're the only one that knows that for sure.
The whole her going out at night or going to lunch with a friend, that's another risk you take by taking her back but at the same time, she needs to realize that in order for you to move on from that, she will need to live her life a different way when it comes to that. If she truly loves you and wants to be forgiven, that shouldn't be a problem for her.
You'd be lucky to find any cheater who would come out and tell you exactly what happened when not being pressured to do so. I've been on both ends of that. It sucks to admit and it's a shameful process.
My advice, get to the root of the problem as to why she did what she did. My opinion, no one just goes out and cheats to get theirs. They do it because there is something in their history or mentally wrong with them that makes them do those things. Best of luck!
The whole her going out at night or going to lunch with a friend, that's another risk you take by taking her back but at the same time, she needs to realize that in order for you to move on from that, she will need to live her life a different way when it comes to that. If she truly loves you and wants to be forgiven, that shouldn't be a problem for her.
You'd be lucky to find any cheater who would come out and tell you exactly what happened when not being pressured to do so. I've been on both ends of that. It sucks to admit and it's a shameful process.
My advice, get to the root of the problem as to why she did what she did. My opinion, no one just goes out and cheats to get theirs. They do it because there is something in their history or mentally wrong with them that makes them do those things. Best of luck!
I only take exception to the bolded part because the cheating happened when they were apart after both going to different colleges. I don't think there is something mentally wrong with someone who is attracted to someone else in their social circle and it gets physical. Especially when were talking about people who are 19 or early 20s. Her official boyfriend is only around between semesters and maybe during holidays. That's one of the problems I have with long distance relationships, especially long term ones, especially where the people involved are young, attractive and socially active. Live a little. I think binding yourself to a monogamous relationship where you're only together a couple times a year is unreasonable. That's not monogamous, that's abstinence.