Like it or not, men can be victims of sexism and white people can be victims of racism. If you find that funny it's because you are so entrenched in your world view that you are unable to conceptualize things outside of it.
Like it or not, individual men, or the lightly melalinned, people being victims of actions does not add up to a lack of societal bias. If you think confusing the former with the latter isn't worth laughing at, it's because you are so entrenched in your individualized view you are ignoring the larger societal trends.
It could break up a marriage because the two people have different priorities and goals. I don't have to be okay with being married to a stay at home mom when there's nothing to say home for. For instance, I do the dishes far more often than my wife does. I do my own laundry. I pick up my own messes. I'm not calling anyone lazy, but I'm not benefiting from my wife being extremely underemployed (mostly in regard to the skill needed for her current work).
Is the real issue that she's not employed, or that she's Peggy Bundy? If you did no laundry and no dishes, but were able to focus that effort into a first or second job, would you be equally unhappy.
If your real issue is that you want her to work more out of the house while you keep performing the same level of work in the house, see the 80-20 rule.
We struggle to pay our bills. I certainly feel an enormous obligation to work for as much money as I can get to pay for my families needs. She, for whatever reason, doesn't feel that sense of obligation. It's difficult.
Talk with her aobut getting cheaper needs. A smaller house, a less desireable neighborhood, five dinners a week of MacNCheese. See what ideas she has. Again, apply 80-20. Struggling to pay your bills every month is a dangerous position.
I probably would feel good about her not working so much if she actually did keep the house spotless and have dinner ready for me when I get home from my 12hr shift. She's made it clear that she's not my maid (and I never asked her to be) so I just wonder why she doesn't think earning some money for the family is as much her responsibility as it is mine.
Now you have me agreeing with you. She is taking advantage of you, but not because of a sexist court system in her favor.
I have a 60-hour work week myself. I understand that it means you don't have time to do much, most days. I'm sure there is no easy solution here. However, you can't expect this of yourself indefinitely. You're human. You will break down, get fed up, or lose some ability to focus properly on the job. The consequences will be bad. When you're young, you think stuff like that happens to other people. It does happen to other people, but it will also happen to you.
Right now, you make it sound as if your wife has it fairly easy. It can't continue like that permanently. You need to agree on which changes to make.
So in answer to the what ifs (thought you might take a crack at those, but OK) there isn't a damn thing to be done about it except accept the fact that I am a paycheck more than anything else. The house I've worked to be able to provide could be taken from me and I could go live in the Bachelor Arms Apts if at any point she decides to leave. This hasn't happened to me but it has happened to three men I work closely with.
Every situation is different. I know even less about those three men, and their wives, than I know about you. So I'll ask you which of those three wives is better off financially after the divorce? Which of them actually made out well in the divorce? If no one did, then it's not really biased against men, it's just that divorce sucks.
Also, just to be honest: if a divorce did happen, and your wife had custody, would you want your kids to leave the house so you could live there?
Mostly because she's bored, feels like she got married too young and hasn't experienced enough life yet. So screw him, screw the kids and screw the family they created.
So, before she had no job, lived in a nice house, and did almost nothing all day long. But because she was bored, she didn't bother just having an affair. She moved back to her parents (what could be more novel that your's parents home?) and has to get by on a fraction of the money she used to spend. Oh, and she gets to date gaming geeks.
I'm sure the guy is going through a very bad time. I doubt the ex-wife is having it easier than when she was married.
You can act like it's impossible for men to be taken advantage of by women, or for the law to be unfair to men, but it is possible and it happens every day.
The former has nothing to do with being a "dead-beat big-time loser", and the law is pretty much unfair to both men and women on a regular basis.
