Need legal counsel/advice.

[Keefe]

My life was once very similar to yours, and then it was all blown up. The repercussions have been enormous for my daughter's and for me, but the courts consistently give my ex the tools to complicate our relationships because she is considered to be my children's primary custodian.

When I go to my former house (where my name is still on the mortgage) and I am treated like a second class citizen by my former wife and my former neighbor I sometimes want to cry. We had so much going for our family and it all got thrown away. In retrospect there is not a thing I could do to save it. Believe me, I tried everything.

In other words, be thankful for the peace in your life. Don't mock those who are facing complications. You could find yourself in their shoes one day. It would be easier for this to happen than you can ever imagine, and you might have the unpleasant experience of discovering that there is nothing at all you can do to prevent it.

I'm getting personal here but what led to your divorce?

 

[fishonjazz]

I'm getting personal here but what led to your divorce?

I'm guessing his neighbor

 

[Joe Bagadonuts]

I'm getting personal here but what led to your divorce?

I caught my wife with my neighbor. If I told you the details of who this guy is and how he seduced her you would be stunned. Some people thought I should go to the media. They would have eaten this story up. The information I have would have definitely destroyed his career, but ultimately it was my ex-wife's actions that are to blame for what happened to our family anyway, and I realized that my girls would be hurt worse than anybody else if this story became public.

I tried to save the marriage despite all of that, but it wasn't possible. In response to being found out she made up all sorts of stories about me to justify her actions. Seeing some of the things being said in this thread about supposed pos dads I find myself wondering what their side of the story is. I know that some similar things are being said about me, and they simply aren't true. Without having gone through it I think it's difficult to comprehend how painful it is to have your family stolen away, and how incredibly hurtful it is to be treated like this as a result.

For my part, I have always paid every dollar that I am required. I treasure the time I get to spend with my girls and we have had some great adventures, but I'd be lying if I didn't admit there have been times I've wanted to give up, move out of state, and start over. Based on our current trajectory I'm pretty sure I have not felt those sorts of emotions for the last time. I could go into great detail about this and the ways I believe this system needs to and be improved, but I'm going to stop now because I have discovered in general that not much can be accomplished by complaining, and thinking about these experience puts me in a very bad mood. Under the circumstances there is no real choice but to move on.

 

[Beantown]

My life was once very similar to yours, and then it was all blown up. The repercussions have been enormous for my daughter's and for me, but the courts consistently give my ex the tools to complicate our relationships because she is considered to be my children's primary custodian.

When I go to my former house (where my name is still on the mortgage) and I am treated like a second class citizen by my former wife and my former neighbor I sometimes want to cry. We had so much going for our family and it all got thrown away. In retrospect there is not a thing I could do to save it. Believe me, I tried everything.

In other words, be thankful for the peace in your life. Don't mock those who are facing complications. You could find yourself in their shoes one day. It would be easier for this to happen than you can ever imagine, and you might have the unpleasant experience of discovering that there is nothing at all you can do to prevent it.

Trust me I understand that the peace I have could not be here tomorrow. I come from a divorced family and so does my wife. My point was more around getting a girl knocked up that is not your wife, or even choosing to marry someone with kids and a strained relationship with their ex. (I feel bad saying this would be tough for me to do). You are actively increasing the opportunity for not having peace in your life by adding unnecessary baggage to a situation. The chances of that relationship working out are slim to none.

I am not mocking the situation but simply stating I wouldn't choose that path. If my wife cheated/left me I truly feel I would marry someone without kids or if I was older in age it would be someone who's kids are grown....or possibly I would just stay single.

 

[Beantown]

Wait till your wife gets bored and your life gets really complicated.

I understand the possibility of that happening. I try to account for my wife's wishes. She really wanted to live in Boston...so we live in Boston. She gets to take the vacations she wants and has plenty of girl time. I also get to play golf and do guy trips etc. We also have a date night each week. But I understand that I can't entirely prevent a divorce but I do my best to defend against it. Our relationship is far from perfect. A typical marriage has a 50% chance of ending in divorce. Add all the other factors of multiple marriages, step kids, children out of wedlock and it's more likely than not you are headed for a divorce.

You have to play your odds.

 

[♪alt13]

Well he,s not there for her, unless he has a family function he wants to take her to to try and show he's a good dad. He doesn't care about seeing her, he doesn't care about helping provide for her, he throws a bitch fit anytime we spend money on her and he's expected to pay for half (stuff like school, dr's appts, er visits, etc ... which he doesn't pay regardless). We aren't forcing anything. He's not around unless it is 100% convenient for him. When he does show up he is hours late and I am the one that gets to sit with a sad little girl on the porch waiting for her pos "dad" to show up on his own time. He hasn't seen her in 3 months and she has been more than fine with it. The less she sees him the happier she is. **** him. He'll sign her over when the financials make sense, thats how great of a dad he is.

Look I don't know the extent of the situation. I can only share with you the experiences I have had and those that I have witnessed. My little brothers dad sounds a lot like your daughters. I hate that dude. Still my bro's extended family is important to him and he knows the truth about his dad for himself. None of that took anything away from the relationship he had with my father, in fact it probably made it stronger.

I think that he would be an angry person if he felt like his father was taken from him(I have seen that too). Instead he is a fantastic patient young man that values his family above all else.

 

[Stoked]

I caught my wife with my neighbor. If I told you the details of who this guy is and how he seduced her you would be stunned. Some people thought I should go to the media. They would have eaten this story up. The information I have would have definitely destroyed his career, but ultimately it was my ex-wife's actions that are to blame for what happened to our family anyway, and I realized that my girls would be hurt worse than anybody else if this story became public.

I tried to save the marriage despite all of that, but it wasn't possible. In response to being found out she made up all sorts of stories about me to justify her actions. Seeing some of the things being said in this thread about supposed pos dads I find myself wondering what their side of the story is. I know that some similar things are being said about me, and they simply aren't true. Without having gone through it I think it's difficult to comprehend how painful it is to have your family stolen away, and how incredibly hurtful it is to be treated like this as a result.

For my part, I have always paid every dollar that I am required. I treasure the time I get to spend with my girls and we have had some great adventures, but I'd be lying if I didn't admit there have been times I've wanted to give up, move out of state, and start over. Based on our current trajectory I'm pretty sure I have not felt those sorts of emotions for the last time. I could go into great detail about this and the ways I believe this system needs to and be improved, but I'm going to stop now because I have discovered in general that not much can be accomplished by complaining, and thinking about these experience puts me in a very bad mood. Under the circumstances there is no real choice but to move on.

If this is true, and I have 0 reason to doubt it, then I would not call you a POS dad.

In my case the POS I refer to never paid child support, never spent time with her. I let her call him when ever she wanted, often from my phone. That was about 3-4 times a week and he would give her maybe 5 minutes total to talk to him for the week.

The only time he tried to spend time with her was when I was doing something and he could come steal the spotlight.

As for you, I have been cheated on, not as elaborately as you it sounds like, but I know that pain. It is horrible and cuts you to your soul. I never want to be back there and it is why I would never make another feel that way.

 

[Joe Bagadonuts]

If this is true, and I have 0 reason to doubt it, then I would not call you a POS dad.

In my case the POS I refer to never paid child support, never spent time with her. I let her call him when ever she wanted, often from my phone. That was about 3-4 times a week and he would give her maybe 5 minutes total to talk to him for the week.

The only time he tried to spend time with her was when I was doing something and he could come steal the spotlight.

As for you, I have been cheated on, not as elaborately as you it sounds like, but I know that pain. It is horrible and cuts you to your soul. I never want to be back there and it is why I would never make another feel that way.

I have no doubt that some men deserve the title POS. It sounds like you're dealing with someone in that category. Sorry to hear it. Good luck in your continued effort to make the best of a difficult situation.

 

[Stoked]

I have no doubt that some men deserve the title POS. It sounds like you're dealing with someone in that category. Sorry to hear it. Good luck in your continued effort to make the best of a difficult situation.

Eh things have changed. He is mentally retarded now due to his stupidity and barely even remembers her. It makes her uncomfortable so she barely sees him now.

I wish you all the best man. I have walked that hard road you are on. My best advice is eyes on the goal. Never stop looking at that goal (your childrens happiness).