*OFFICIAL* Poker night comentary thread
- Thread starter fishonjazz
- Start date
I heard you, I was just ignoring you.
Are you kidding? That was just about the very least we could do. I would have driven you back to the STD if you'd asked.
Haha, as if you had any chance... I had Bronco in my sights from the word "Go". That guy has been a sliver under my nail for far too long, and it felt good to finally throw down my wrath. Sorry frank, I shouldn't have led you along like that for so long; I just liked having you around, you know?
This can't be said enough. Not only did he provide an ample donation to my campaign, he also has been my biggest vocal supporter. (possibly tied with GameFace) He and his Saintly wife put 600+ miles on their big *** FORD, and had shirts and a hat made for the occasion. You don't come across people like this often, if ever -- Patrick, you are a stud, sir.
Now that I'm done gurgling PKM's sac, a shout out has to go to everyone else who made last night one of those nights that, regardless of how many braincells fall to illicit drug and alcohol abuse, will never be forgotten. Everyone's name has been mentioned already, but not enough can be said about you fella's.
Gameface, the hostess with the mostess, without a doubt. Props also must be given to his amazing wife, who has had to put up with a bunch of freak-show's dumping all over her house, pissing on her front lawn, breaking her doorknobs and sprinklers, and generally being men. She is a trooper and a hell of a good poker player in her own right. Gameface, you lucked out on such a good woman. Thank you for hosting yet another amazing tournament, and for going balls out.
Easily the highlight of the night: When franklin wasn't mind raping opponents at the table, he was busy being red as a fire hydrant as PKM's wife laid the compliments all over him. It was great to watch him wriggle and blush. For being the most intelligent person there, he couldn't figure out how to take a little flirtatious complimenting. What a *****. I'm going to spend all of his monies with pleasure.
Bronco70, my arch-nemesis, needs no further comment. (except the fact that, not only did I enjoy his balls for a good portion of the night, but I also dreamed about them melting in my mouth, and dripping from my chin -- all night long.)
Numberica is my favorite little angry person/guy/thing. Seriously, he is exactly like his online persona, except he's tiny. He's got the looks of Gerard Buttler, the body of an Olsen Twin, and the crass sense of humor that only a dick weed like me could love. In short, he has the entire package. (minus the package, of course)
BabyPeterzz is the whitest black guy I have ever met. He did whip "it" out, so I can officially **confirm** that he really is black. (when it started to flake off I was like, "whhaaaaa...?", but I had a hand to win and just brushed it off) Besides maybe franklin, BabyDix is one of the smartest guys you'll likely never have a deep conversation with, simply because he knows you're beneath him and he dumbs all his **** down so you can enjoy yourself and have a laugh.
Chris-L (I think that's how you spell it?) is my kind of dude. He's got tats, gauges, drinks like a fish, smokes like a diesel, and really couldn't wait to get home because he missed his daughters. Seriously, the dude is one of a kind, and I was pleased as purple piss to meet him.
Honz is tall, dark, handsome, and apparently 85% of the guys there (The STD, in other words) couldn't stop talking about him and how great he'd look laying next to them in the morning. I wish I was making this up. Jazzfanatic can verify: Honz has the goods.
bigb is my boi, my brotha from anotha motha, and any other stupid skater/rap/yes-homo thing you can think of. He and I go way back. In fact, I believe it was back in 'Nam, where I watched my buddies lie face down in the muck... So this, this, STRUMPET, this WHORE... all because he couldn't shoot the baseball into the goal. Those were the days, man. I love you dog. Thanks for the cash.
ElRoacho, the last guy in the world I would have thought would accept my invitation, who has dogged my *** on fishing trips for months, and who used to have the manliest man-hair on the planet, made my night complete. He is that guy who puts on the "Uh, I've never played poker before -- unless you count Go Fish! LOL" routine and then proceeds to anal rape your face/wallet/ego. It was damn good to see him, and his generosity was most appreciated. Much love.
Fish is nothing like I expected. When he puts his mind to drinkin', he doesn't ease up on the accelerator, but lucky for us, he just got funner and funner as the night went on. He doesn't approve of my game play, but that's ok, I don't approve of his... forget it. The dude has the ****ing Jazz logo tattooed on his arm for Glob's sake, which puts him into Mythic status. He also had the best game plan of the night: Get wasted, lose early and often, forget your wallet, but somehow end up with more cash in it than when you got there. Brilliant.
RedJazzFan was my very first real client, years and years ago, and has always stuck with me. That kind of loyalty is hard to find these days, especially with how big of a douche I am. I was surprised to see him there, but at the same time, not at all. If not for that hair and face, he'd be gettin' bitches like it was his job. Thanks for coming Seth, and thanks for the support all of these years. You're a hell of a good guy.
Archibald In Flight, I'm sorry I broke your back. (broke back, get it? #honz) Thanks for showing up for 10 minutes, making your donation, and then getting home to catch up on Blossom reruns. I love you.
Orangello decided not to come. Smart move.
Jason, the Lord of this here Realm, made his presence known and felt. He played beautifully, but in the end, succumbed to my massive studliness. It was fantastic to get the band back together for the night, and without Him, none of this would have ever come to be. Saying "Thanks" doesn't really do it justice, but I don't want to get a 'fraction for inappropriate content. You're the man, Jason. Thanks for making all of this possible. (tell your brother Mason thanks for coming, will ya?)
My two friends Rock and Teal came and left their mark, and so did Bronco's friend Dave. Good guys with good hearts.
And I think that's everyone. Thank you all for coming, some of you a loooooong distance, just to support my handsome ***. I'm loathe to admit that My Internet Friends > Science, but I think it's appropriate here. PBUAOY.
Oh ya, I forgot about that one dude -- can't remember his name though. He showed up, stank up the place with his ****ty play and obnoxious face, lost all of his money, and then made excuses as to why it all happened. I did a google image search for "big time, gimp-***, loser" and, no ****, it popped up.
You should have seen it, he totally busted like a bawse.
You should have seen it, he totally busted like a bawse.
Peace Be Unto All Of You. Except you.
damnit I was about to get it
UGLI baby
Well-Known Member
Oh ya, I forgot about that one dude -- can't remember his name though. He showed up, stank up the place with his ****ty play and obnoxious face, lost all of his money, and then made excuses as to why it all happened. I did a google image search for "big time, gimp-***, loser" and, no ****, it popped up.
You should have seen it, he totally busted like a bawse.
Bro, you have no idea how lucky you are I had zero interest in poker all night. I think I sat at the table for a total of 10 hands.
Was too busy with wrestling matches and watching dudes not eat bugs.
I don't even remember the hand I got out on.
£¥£ Retiring at 20,000 £¥£
Nice sig, Picasso.
One of his arrows points to me. Dammit. Guilty.
I already repped him, so you don't need to worry about that.
LogGrad98
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I played well all night, until I got heads up with Trout. Then I couldn't seem to focus. I'm not sure why...
That is seriously disturbing. The scarring that will put on the little ones who supposedly read every single thread, post, and link in this forum should warrant a 3-day for posting that.
fishonjazz
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I played well all night, until I got heads up with Trout. Then I couldn't seem to focus. I'm not sure why...
Holy ****.
Post of teh year!