tl; dnr (not sure I want to share but feel I should)

[moevillini]

this was written by a young woman I've known for about 8 years, she was the girlfriend and is now married to a young man whom I've known since he was about 4 years old (they're now both in their mid-30's)- his family lives across the street

It's very long - but I think very powerful. I'll probably break it up into several posts so it's not so much in one post) She's given permission to share. And in case it's not obvious, she's African American. She grew up as an "Army brat" living as a child in Germany (for about 10 years) and then Kansas and Texas.

Thank you CM for allowing us to share your amazing words.

HER WORDS:

** I wrote this a little over a week ago when I was feeling pretty low about the state of the world. I didn't post it at the time because it's raw and long and honest, and I wasn't quite ready to get uncomfortable about this situation. As I've sought solace in the heartfelt words of my friends and the hopeful words of strangers, I've come to the realization that I was expecting more from other people than I was willing to give. That discomfort we're all feeling is growing pain, and nothing gives you a sense of your own smallness like growth. So here's my long, painful ramble... **

Last week I went home to Texas to meet my new 6-week-old niece, Kennedy, who is an absolute doll. Among my friends and family, it's kind of a joke that I don't like babies. Maybe it's my vehement refusal to have one myself, maybe it's the way that I act befuddled about their soft spots and floppy necks like I'm one of those fumbling idiots on an as-seen-on-TV commercial. Whatever the case, my anti-baby rap couldn't be further from the truth. Whether they belong to my siblings, cousins, friends, or strangers, I love babies. Their skin and hair is so smooth, their tiny fingers grasp at everything, and their eyes are so wide you can almost see them trying to take in the whole world. When my heart starts to feel empty, I turn to babies (human or furry) to fill it back up. Since last week, I've been running on fumes.

I see all these terrible things happening to others and I'm sick and I'm sad, but I'm human so I'm selfish and caught up in my own struggle. I'm disheartened because I feel like there's a wall of misunderstanding and I can't find the right word, analogy, or anecdote to bring that wall down. I'm wondering if love can exist without understanding.

I worry about discussing these things with people I love and respect and watching their eyes get squinty and their voice get sharp and impatient as I speak about my experience as a person of color in this country - in this world. Waiting for the dreaded, "You lost me at...", wondering if I ever had them.

When I say "our responsibility" and they hear "your fault". When I say "black lives matter (too)" and they hear "black lives matter (most)". When "black on black crime" is framed as an indicator of the pervasiveness of black violence instead of a symptom of a poisoned community - a community whose implosion no one seems to notice except when it's a convenient excuse for our collective apathy. Why should we care if a black person is killed without redress - they're killing themselves every day. Look at Chicago, it's a war zone.

Meanwhile, I'm citing statistics and sociological experiments like I'm writing a thesis to prove that what I've experienced is true, that it's not just me. I'm trying to break down a wall with my words while slowing my breathing and repeating in my head, "Keep it calm, keep it light. Don't be too passionate, they'll think you're angry at them."

 

[moevillini]

continued...

To create solidarity in our racial discomfort, I talk about my own history of anti-blackness. I talk about scrubbing my skin, burning my hair, trying to smile with my big lips tucked in. I talk about the countless times I heard "you're one of the good ones" or "you're not like the rest of them" and I agreed with it.

And I am ashamed.

I'm ashamed of the smug ******* I was, looking at my own people, my own family and seeing a "them". I'm ashamed about all the times I took a slap in the face as a pat on the head because I didn't know any better, but I'm most ashamed of the times when I knew what it meant and kept quiet anyway - not even offering a gentle correction. I didn't want to be seen as easily offended, to take it *there*, to make things awkward. See? I know what it feels like to put comfort first. I know how hard it is to let go of our negative peace.

Then come the "Yea, but"s and "No, but"s and on the inside I'm screaming. I'm sacrificing my hurt and my shame on the alter of your ignorance. I'm cutting open my veins for your understanding. Can't you see me bleeding? Can't you see ME?! But on the outside I'm saying "Well, I guess it's just a matter of experience and perspective. Agree to disagree."
Keep it calm, keep it light.

And of course to tally the number of times I've had *that* conversation, I'd only need both hands - no toes! Meanwhile, I've had countless positive, enlightening, invigorating conversations about race with people of all ages and colors... but you can see the affect that the bad apple has on the bunch. You can see what it does to a police force, a movement, a religion, a race. And I'm worried that if we can't find understanding, we can't find love, and how can we clean up this mess without it? How can we change what we're doing if we don't change what we're thinking? How can we combat our bias if we can't even acknowledge it exists?

Thoughts become words, words become actions, actions become habits. Thinking "they're not like me, they don't value what I value" turns into talking about what they should have done to meet some arbitrary criteria to deserve to live until our habit is to minimize, excuse, and accept tragedy. Whether the person was good, bad, or somewhere in between, a violent death is a tragedy. 5 cops protecting and engaging with peaceful protestors, a hard-working cafeteria supervisor driving with his fiancee and daughter, a father of 5 doing his best, 14 people in gun-infested neighborhoods of Chicago, 292 people preparing to break their fast in Baghdad, 22 people at a Bangladesh cafe, 49 LGBT people having a good time – all tragic.

Loss is immeasurable, absolute. Alton Sterling's loved ones aren't somehow less devastated than Philando Castile's because the latter was further on the right side of the law than the former. Even if a killing is deemed justifiable at all angles, shouldn't we be saddened that it came to that? That there was no other way? Whether a person made good choices or bad choices or somewhere in between, whether they felt like they had no choices to begin with, whether their death had nothing to do with their choices and everything to do with someone else's – they all started as somebody's baby. They all came into this world with infinite possibility. Their skin and hair was so smooth, their tiny fingers grasped at everything, and their eyes were so wide you could almost see them trying to take in the whole world. It's tragic that the world didn't have more to offer them than a violent death.

When a teenager has a gun in his hand instead of a book, that's a tragedy, but if we look at him we don't have to look at ourselves. If we use coded language - "Thug", "Savage", "Animal" - we can dehumanize him to the point that our lack of concern is proportionate. We don't have to acknowledge the fact that long before a gun took away his life, our greed, ignorance, and apathy took away his future. People overcome their circumstances every day, but should we use that as an excuse to not try to lift each other up? Should we use the fact that it's been this way as long as we can remember, that we didn't start the fire, as an excuse to not reach across the aisle and work together to put it out?

No other animal hates the way we hate. No other animal kills the way we kill. It's our greatest shame. Shouldn't we have the decency to be ashamed?

When 20 children - practically babies - were killed in Sandy Hook, we looked at one another and said "We have to do better..."
"..."
"..."
"...you first."

We bickered like ****ty roommates over a chore wheel, arguing about how the sink got full of dirty dishes. I look at my niece, so young her age is still measured in weeks, and I'm so in love and so happy to know her, but I'm ashamed that she showed up to this messy world and all I can say is I'm so, so sorry – we meant to have this cleaned up before you got here. That breaks my heart, but I have to believe we're learning our lesson. I have to believe we're doing better. For my part, I'm going to continue voting with my ballots and my dollars. I'm going to continue volunteering for and donating to organizations that are committed to ending the cycle of poverty and violence. I'm going to start writing my representatives and demanding that they keep their promises. I'm going to fight harder to keep schools open and to keep education funded.

But right now I'm thinking; I'm reading; I'm listening; I'm talking. I'm building an arsenal of statistical and anecdotal evidence for the times when my word alone isn't enough to tear down that wall. I'm trying to be understood. I'm trying to be understanding.

 

[moevillini]

whatever we individually believe, we have to believe things CAN get better and try to find a common ground so we can take steps to tear down the walls that separate us

 

[Boris]

Wow! Your friend is a excellent writer. Could be a author or work for newspapers.

Can I point out the fatal flaw in her logic? Victim mentality. I would not say this if it were 1970. Today? I do not agree. What I can say is Black Lives Matter MORE than white America thinks. We need to end the disease of racism bearing out of slavery. It does not need to end, it needs to be cured. Pushing the victim mentality is not a cure. Prescribing a positive atmosphere is the start of a cure.

 

[Ron Mexico]

What I can say is Black Lives Matter MORE than white America thinks.

Might want to rethink that logic.

 

[JazzGal]

Thanks for sharing this.

 

[Boris]

Might want to rethink that logic.

Okay explain. I am all ears. What I see is a population that has been suppressed for two centuries an feels a need to fight back. I do not think that is healthy. I think growing a culture that feels part of the American Dream is. Clearly blacks do not feel part of it.

 

[Ron Mexico]

Okay explain. I am all ears. What I see is a population that has been suppressed for two centuries an feels a need to fight back. I do not think that is healthy. I think growing a culture that feels part of the American Dream is. Clearly blacks do not feel part of it.

If white people (who are the oppressors) think black lives matter less than they do. Their lives matter less since the people in power are treat them that way. Black people obviously feel their lives matter, that is not the issue. It's the oppressors that make a life matter less. But you seem to think racism is gone, which it is not.

Sent from my Nexus 5X using JazzFanz mobile app

 

[ConradA24]

Thanks for sharing!

 

[babe]

Yes, she's a good writer. . . . and, actually, my sort of person. I like people who will compose a few feelings or thoughts into a schema that is longer than a Peek's post.

race, and being a person outside of the comfort zone of most people, or feeling "other" and beyond the interest or acceptance of society, has always been in some sense on the stage of my mind.

enough so, I recognize how it is exploited for political purposes, in dividing us up and pushing us around, essentially dehumanizing us in one way or another.

I recognize Black Lives Matter as a shameless neo-Marxist political exploitation of us.

After a while of feeling divided somehow by our personal differences, it comes to me that we are all "different", and should be. We are human, and the ideologues who try to manage us are not the kind of people who can "fix" us. They are, themselves, our problem. They are inventing problems and throwing them at us like bombs. Not, really, to "help" us, but to exploit us.

 

[Boris]

If white people (who are the oppressors) think black lives matter less than they do. Their lives matter less since the people in power are treat them that way. Black people obviously feel their lives matter, that is not the issue. It's the oppressors that make a life matter less. But you seem to think racism is gone, which it is not.

Sent from my Nexus 5X using JazzFanz mobile app

You make to many definitive statements to convince anyone.

White Guilt? How do I oppress black people? I do not.
How do you assume race still plays a part?
How do you feel comforted rah rah rahing the race card instead becoming part of creating solutions?
That includes understanding all sides not race baiting an claiming whites are oppressors. Do you really not reflect on yourself an realize the culture of violence an divisiveness you are creating?

Basically you are telling hard working blue collar not racist Americans they are keeping the black man down. They should accept the violent culture or they are racist. That is what you are telling us. Does this make sense?

Sure you can say I am in a position of priveledge. I agree. I want to listen to them an have THEM tell me how MY priveledge can help THEM have my priveledge as well.

You cannot tell honest hard working white people they are the problem. That does nothing but divide an increase the problem.

 

[Ron Mexico]

You make to many definitive statements to convince anyone.

White Guilt? How do I oppress black people? I do not.
How do you assume race still plays a part?
How do you feel comforted rah rah rahing the race card instead becoming part of creating solutions?
That includes understanding all sides not race baiting an claiming whites are oppressors. Do you really not reflect on yourself an realize the culture of violence an divisiveness you are creating?

Basically you are telling hard working blue collar not racist Americans they are keeping the black man down. They should accept the violent culture or they are racist. That is what you are telling us. Does this make sense?

Sure you can say I am in a position of priveledge. I agree. I want to listen to them an have THEM tell me how MY priveledge can help THEM have my priveledge as well.

You cannot tell honest hard working white people they are the problem. That does nothing but divide an increase the problem.

Your individualizing a community issue. Look at any study done about race issues and racism exists and is prevalent. Every American is racist to some extent. Everyone makes judgements based on race. Most of those judgements hurt black people and moieties minorities. If a resume comes across that has a "black name" that is the same qualifications as a "white name" it is much, much more likely to be passed over. Cops pull over black people at a much higher rate even without cause. Spend time on the intent with a black name and hear how many racist comments get made by people who feel anonymous.

The first step to solving race problems is admitting that they exist and we make negative judgements about minorities. Then we can be conscience of it and try to change.

White people are the problem admitting that doesn't make the problem worse. It's the first step towards fixing it. Who else would be the problem? People who have been oppressed are not the problem. Telling people to stop playing victims makes the problem worse and solves nothing. They will stop being victims when they aren't anymore. Oppressing people is creating the divide, not people trying bring light to the problem.

Also this is more than I want to reply to your posts that are trolling but maybe it will benefit someone else.

 

[babe]

Your individualizing a community issue. Look at any study done about race issues and racism exists and is prevalent. Every American is racist to some extent. Everyone makes judgements based on race. Most of those judgements hurt black people and moieties minorities. If a resume comes across that has a "black name" that is the same qualifications as a "white name" it is much, much more likely to be passed over. Cops pull over black people at a much higher rate even without cause. Spend time on the intent with a black name and hear how many racist comments get made by people who feel anonymous.

The first step to solving race problems is admitting that they exist and we make negative judgements about minorities. Then we can be conscience of it and try to change.

White people are the problem admitting that doesn't make the problem worse. It's the first step towards fixing it. Who else would be the problem? People who have been oppressed are not the problem. Telling people to stop playing victims makes the problem worse and solves nothing. They will stop being victims when they aren't anymore. Oppressing people is creating the divide, not people trying bring light to the problem.

Also this is more than I want to reply to your posts that are trolling but maybe it will benefit someone else.

you are imposing a view on others that systematically claims your own superiority. Going around telling people they can't or shouldn't think or act in some manner that you deem somehow offensive or unacceptable is what I call "managerial", which I consider essentially equivalent to whatever the hell people think "racism" is.

People are what they are. In dealing with that to achieve your ideals or wishes, don't put other people down or tell them what they have to be. Give them a reason to do different, like a motive. A businessman offering a service or hiring anyone, is motivated by some potential personal gain. That is not "evil", it is the mainspring of human will.

If you are looking for work, you are trying to communicate to some potential employer what you can do for them. Sometimes you can make a case that what you are is what they need. That's what you need to do, not tell others what they should do for you.

Your racist ideology and political manipulations/exploitation of some "problem", if people put their thinking in that context, is what makes things worse, not better, for all of us.

yah I can hear some saying that I'm doing the same superiority/managerial thing I say you are doing, and that could be a fair point, except that my view is simply denying the reality of a particular ideology. . . .and trying to get down to the truth of us humans being what we are, for perfectly natural reasons, and trying to posit a way forward that does not require submitting society to management. My ideal is that people can cope well enough and solve their problems better without your management.... or mine.

The most disabling thing people can do with their identity is make it an issue, when it's not really the issue. The issue is always finding the common interest and common need that will make any interaction beneficial in some optimum way for everyone. It's not about race, yo.

 

[Ron Mexico]

you are imposing a view on others that systematically claims your own superiority. Going around telling people they can't or shouldn't think or act in some manner that you deem somehow offensive or unacceptable is what I call "managerial", which I consider essentially equivalent to whatever the hell people think "racism" is.

People are what they are. In dealing with that to achieve your ideals or wishes, don't put other people down or tell them what they have to be. Give them a reason to do different, like a motive. A businessman offering a service or hiring anyone, is motivated by some potential personal gain. That is not "evil", it is the mainspring of human will.

If you are looking for work, you are trying to communicate to some potential employer what you can do for them. Sometimes you can make a case that what you are is what they need. That's what you need to do, not tell others what they should do for you.

Your racist ideology and political manipulations/exploitation of some "problem", if people put their thinking in that context, is what makes things worse, not better, for all of us.

yah I can hear some saying that I'm doing the same superiority/managerial thing I say you are doing, and that could be a fair point, except that my view is simply denying the reality of a particular ideology. . . .and trying to get down to the truth of us humans being what we are, for perfectly natural reasons, and trying to posit a way forward that does not require submitting society to management. My ideal is that people can cope well enough and solve their problems better without your management.... or mine.

The most disabling thing people can do with their identity is make it an issue, when it's not really the issue. The issue is always finding the common interest and common need that will make any interaction beneficial in some optimum way for everyone. It's not about race, yo.

Started to read this then saw who wrote it. Then tried to read it and stopped when you implied that there was no definition is meaning of the word racism. I said racism exists and we are all racist that has been well proven. I did scan the rest but the cooky babbling is hard to get through, sorry.

 

[Boris]

Your individualizing a community issue. Look at any study done about race issues and racism exists and is prevalent. Every American is racist to some extent. Everyone makes judgements based on race. Most of those judgements hurt black people and moieties minorities. If a resume comes across that has a "black name" that is the same qualifications as a "white name" it is much, much more likely to be passed over. Cops pull over black people at a much higher rate even without cause. Spend time on the intent with a black name and hear how many racist comments get made by people who feel anonymous.

The first step to solving race problems is admitting that they exist and we make negative judgements about minorities. Then we can be conscience of it and try to change.

White people are the problem admitting that doesn't make the problem worse. It's the first step towards fixing it. Who else would be the problem? People who have been oppressed are not the problem. Telling people to stop playing victims makes the problem worse and solves nothing. They will stop being victims when they aren't anymore. Oppressing people is creating the divide, not people trying bring light to the problem.

Also this is more than I want to reply to your posts that are trolling but maybe it will benefit someone else.

Okay I agree with most this. My point was I do not agree with victim mentality is a solution. Can we agree to that?

Like for instance if a white named Thang Biker applied for a job an I turn him down am I suppressing anymore than a black named shaquanda? Probably but how is it different?

Look, if you are down on your luck punch up. Work hard. No, work harder. Results will matter at end of the day. You will succeed if you work hard, do something you love, an have pride in yourself.

Race baiting does nothing. I do appreciate your input. I assume you are black an speaking from the kept down minority perspective. I am pro affirmative action as you said they do not get interviews. I am anti race baiting an blaming charitable whites that did no intentional harm an telling them they are the problem for being capitalistic, working hard, paying welfare taxes. You think taking that stance gets results? No it has not it is divisive.

Bore us out.

 

[babe]

Started to read this then saw who wrote it. Then tried to read it and stopped when you implied that there was no definition is meaning of the word racism. I said racism exists and we are all racist that has been well proven. I did scan the rest but the cooky babbling is hard to get through, sorry.

your dismissiveness reminds me of why most people do not listen to others who are in some promin3ent way, different somehow. How is your attitude any different from "racism".

Once upon a time I wrote for a newspaper, and did an article on racism. I had friends tell me to quit writing, strangers ask me to join their group of progressives. I shared then your point that what we term "racism" is a part of a wider, broader aspect of human nature, that presents the same difficulty across virtually all lines of perceived "differentness".

your language and perspective has elements I recognize in the political arena. I think a Hungarian financing a change-agent social "progress" organization like BLM, and managing it through folks with definite political purposes, and not actually caring about blacks or anyone, is like a cancer in society. Get out of it, find a constructive avenue of action.

 

[Ron Mexico]

your dismissiveness reminds me of why most people do not listen to others who are in some promin3ent way, different somehow. How is your attitude any different from "racism".

My dismissiveness isn't based on a singular post from you. It's based on your history of posts. My attitude of dismissing you has no ties to racism for many reasons. Mainly including your race isn't being judged by your post or discriminated against in any way.

 

[babe]

My dismissiveness isn't based on a singular post from you. It's based on your history of posts. My attitude of dismissing you has no ties to racism for many reasons. Mainly including your race isn't being judged by your post or discriminated against in any way.

Still, a discussion board sorta implies some willingness to deal with the point of view of others, something more than just a reputational slur.

If you've got some point about my "history" why not give a specific example, and say what it is that bothers you.

Well, maybe something a little more extensive than POS.

Or, can I just say you got no game.

People make their judgments often with just poor thinking, poor judgment, lack of information or understanding. Whites can hate whites who are different enough, same with any other classification that's just obvious in one glance. Why do we hate? A broad base of very human passions, ideas, values, whatever with some kind of insecurity or feeling of being wronged or possibly threatened somehow. It's pretty much the whole human condition.

When you take on hating someone who has a point of view you detest, and don't care to talk about it, you're just that kind of human. So who are you to tell others how to think or feel.

Black Lives Matter mercenary activists marching down the street calling for cops to be killed is a virulent thing. In a community with enough suffering people with nowhere to go, and a strong-arm law enforcement system that is picking up lots of people for petty if not harmless offenses while not being very effective about serious criminal activity, there are going to be some short fuses. It's like throwing gasoline on a fire, it's irresponsible. The management of BLM has gotta know this, and not care. That is, not care who gets hurt, black or white.

The fact that this method is a tactic in some organized political movements over the past two hundred years, from the French Revolution at a minimum, should not be ignored or excused. People who are willing to finance and organize applications of this method are not the best of mankind. It is important to recognize their actions and bring them out in a negative view, to communicate that these strategies are intolerable. If you care about human life, or human rights, you have to turn away from this kind of thing.

We have a whole lot of people today who have a vision of fundamentally transforming society, including Hillary and Obama and Bernie, who are steeped in the lore of political activism of a brand that doesn't blanch at the method, if the end achieved is "right". I just say human lives matter, even the unstable people who can be provoked or manipulated by this sort of political strategy. Their lives matter, in fact, so much, that we should not validate such methods in any way, something Obama and Hillary have been too slow to realize, if they ever will.

 

[fishonjazz]

The first step to solving race problems is admitting that they exist and we make negative judgements about minorities. Then we can be conscience of it and try to change.

I would say that we admit there are race problems with the black race much much more than we admit there are race problems with Hispanics, islanders, native Americans, Asians, etc.
Are blacks better off than those races? I think the answer is no. Well since we acknowledge our racism towards the black race much more than any other then shouldn't they be doing better than all the other minorities?

 

[str8line]

I would say that we admit there are race problems with the black race much much more than we admit there are race problems with Hispanics, islanders, native Americans, Asians, etc.
Are blacks better off than those races? I think the answer is no. Well since we acknowledge our racism towards the black race much more than any other then shouldn't they be doing better than all the other minorities?

The black plight is entrenched in inner-city communities to the point that even though our country has proven through the election of Obama that a black man can get a fair shake, there is still a victim mentality. AND there is still racism. But I think at this point it is the glorification of a debased lifestyle, the lack of role models and the lack of two parents that is dooming so many black communities.