When Your Best Friend is Cheating...

[JimLes]

I'm trying to find a balance between being a supportive, non-judgmental friend and a realist.

I feel like I'm in the minority here, but I don't see why you need to balance things here. I'd like to think I'm a ride-or-die kinda friend, but I see your sole job in this situation as being a supportive, non-judgmental friend.

I know it's not easy to watch someone close to you do things you believe are obviously a bad idea, but I'm sure you know there's probably nothing you can say or do that will actually significantly influence her decisions. People do what they want to do. Your friend is likely not confiding in you because she excepts you to make the right decisions for you, but because she just needs someone to hear her out. Nothing good will come of you offering realism or sober truths. If you turn out to be wrong, you never had faith in your friend. If you turn out to be right, your friend will probably resent you for being right.

The actual specifics of this situation are wholly irrelevant. Your friend needs to you be there for her, and no matter the outcome, she'll likely to appreciate that in the end.

 

[Ron Mexico]

My female friend also cheated on her husband with a women. Eventually she left her husband for this women after years of having an affair behind his back. She mostly stayed for the kids. The two women are very happy now and have been married for years. She kept it a secret from everyone for awhile. Eventually she told some close friends. Some of her other friends stopped being her friend. I dont base my friendships on their decisions. I kept my opinions to myself unless she asked for advice. I told her I didnt approve of cheating behind your spouses back, but also that she should be happy and if the marriage wasnt making her happy to move on and let the spouse move on. The worst is to drag them along. At this point it seems your friend is just afraid to burst everyone bubble and deal with the fall out but its inevitable that is whats going to happen. She will lose friends and family over it and upset a lot of people. Some of those people will come back around. But more and more rumors about it will swirl and eventually get to someone that will tell him.

 

[JazzGal]

My female friend also cheated on her husband with a women. Eventually she left her husband for this women after years of having an affair behind his back. She mostly stayed for the kids. The two women are very happy now and have been married for years. She kept it a secret from everyone for awhile. Eventually she told some close friends. Some of her other friends stopped being her friend. I dont base my friendships on their decisions. I kept my opinions to myself unless she asked for advice. I told her I didnt approve of cheating behind your spouses back, but also that she should be happy and if the marriage wasnt making her happy to move on and let the spouse move on. The worst is to drag them along. At this point it seems your friend is just afraid to burst everyone bubble and deal with the fall out but its inevitable that is whats going to happen. She will lose friends and family over it and upset a lot of people. Some of those people will come back around. But more and more rumors about it will swirl and eventually get to someone that will tell him.

I suspect this will also be how my friend's life will go. And I will be her friend through it all.

 

[gandalfe]

If they've been together 35 years, and I apologize if you said this specifically and I missed it, I assume her kids are grown, why is she still with him? Putting aside that staying together for the kids is usually a bad idea (kids are better off with 2 happy parents who live apart than 2 miserable ones who are together, and that's even leaving aside the probable fighting), that's over. She deserves to be happy and, frankly, she owes him the chance to be happy as well, because you can bet he's not either.

 

[JazzGal]

Yes, her kids are grown. I agree that the marriage hasn't been all that happy for awhile, but still it is difficult to end it. I haven't talked to her about that.