What's new
By:

Am I wrong?

Zulu said:
In Chris's defense (know Chris since he was 10) his wife is a cool girl and she means more to Chris then many of you can imagine, heck she means a bunch to me for what she means to Chris!!

Sounds confusing but.. Yeah!!
Click to expand...

gonna make me cry, bro.
 
PKM said:
U babies.
Click to expand...

So I've read all the responses up to here. A lot of very good insights.

due to "facts" I think I missed, I need to change my advice. Basically, the clue here is to look closely at what the women are saying. They don't have their heads messed up with a lot of sentimental values, and judge by the inscrutable wisdom of the ages. . . . .

I can understand, being a man, wanting to be a man and just stand and deliver all the good a man believes he ought to do, while loading it with all the sentiment values men can conjure up. It's tough to love someone who is proving to be a bad choice. Basically, I could argue that's the mistake God makes for all of us. . . . . it's just what we do. . . . unless we just don't know how. The men who don't know how to do that are the moral equivalent of women who just can't value the man who does know how to do that, and tries to. . . ..

When I was going though a similar divorce, my lawyer brother told me to forget the kid girl I was step-dad to. Because, he said, sooner or later it's gonna be one of those "no good deed goes unpunished" scenarios. The departing wife was willing to twist everything she could against me as long as it made good script for the judge as it was. . . . sooner or later she would have invented some similar lies about my conduct towards the step-daughter.

money isn't worth fighting for, nor is a kid.

yes, you have a relationship with the kids. Tell them you love them and that you will do anything you can to help, but it's all gonna be in their mom's hands. Leave it at that. Let the kids and the mom figure out what to do with that. Tell the wife you're just gonna be gone unless she asks for your help or involvement in some way. Give her the divorce, let her have her student loan and her education. Just tell her it makes you feel sick to fight about it further than that.

And get the lawyer and tell him to hold that line. That's all.

If you don't make the point that it's her education and her loan, she'll be taking you for everything you have the rest of your life. If you don't make the statement to the kids, to the wife, and to the court that you are willing to do what you can for them, you'll be signing off on your parental rights forever. Tell the the kids, the wife and the courts what you earn and offer to help in a way commensurate with your actual parental rights and the influence you're given, so far as you're able. By the time the judge realizes that is what you're saying, there's a fair chance for joint custody. . . . and by the time the judge realizes the kind of life the mom is likely to give those kids, you may get full custody.

At the very least, it will give that woman pause to reconsider her ways. . . . . long, long, overdue.

To this day, your sentimentality without appropriate cautions has just made you an enabler to a type of person who's comparable to an alcoholic, only in this case it's not alcohol but the addiction of some women to manipulable men.

And that is what the women in this thread have been trying to say, nicely.
 
Last edited:
Chris-L said:
I don't know for sure, but most of the theories you guys are throwing out have a bit of truth to them. She has been hanging out with new friends the last 6 months-year. The kind of people that aren't doing **** with their lives, but are fun to party with. And I think she misses that. She doesn't want to be tied down. I don't think there is another man she has feelings for. It's just frustrating. So much pain and suffering over something so stupid. I honestly believe she will want me back in a few years when she gets it out of her system, but it will be too late. Such a shame for my children.
Click to expand...
The wife and I are pretty busy people. So much so that we don't have a lot of time for friends (not regular hang-out-once-a-week-type of friends anyway). That kinda sucked (because that was the life we and especially I was used to) but now I think it was/is a blessing in disguise.

And I agree about the wanting you back thing. I couldn't imagine trying to start over anyway. Why go through that when what you have is decent and maybe just needs a little work (heaven forbid you work at marriage, right?).

Good luck.
 
CONAN said:
The wife and I are pretty busy people. So much so that we don't have a lot of time for friends (not regular hang-out-once-a-week-type of friends anyway). That kinda sucked (because that was the life we and especially I was used to) but now I think it was/is a blessing in disguise.

And I agree about the wanting you back thing. I couldn't imagine trying to start over anyway. Why go through that when what you have is decent and maybe just needs a little work (heaven forbid you work at marriage, right?).

Good luck.
Click to expand...

I'm not trying to open anything up here, but didn't you once say your wife checks all the cell phones in the house, including yours? Checking every text sent and received and every number called and answered? Punishment issued if any of the above had been deleted?

If that works for you that works for you, but man, that wouldn't work for me.
 
babe said:
So I've read all the responses up to here. A lot of very good insights.

due to "facts" I think I missed, I need to change my advice. Basically, the clue here is to look closely at what the women are saying. They don't have their heads messed up with a lot of sentimental values, and judge by the inscrutable wisdom of the ages. . . . .

I can understand, being a man, wanting to be a man and just stand and deliver all the good a man believes he ought to do, while loading it with all the sentiment values men can conjure up. It's tough to love someone who is proving to be a bad choice. Basically, I could argue that's the mistake God makes for all of us. . . . . it's just what we do. . . . unless we just don't know how. The men who don't know how to do that are the moral equivalent of women who just can't value the man who does know how to do that, and tries to. . . ..

When I was going though a similar divorce, my lawyer brother told me to forget the kid girl I was step-dad to. Because, he said, sooner or later it's gonna be one of those "no good deed goes unpunished" scenarios. The departing wife was willing to twist everything she could against me as long as it made good script for the judge as it was. . . . sooner or later she would have invented some similar lies about my conduct towards the step-daughter.

money isn't worth fighting for, nor is a kid.

yes, you have a relationship with the kids. Tell them you love them and that you will do anything you can to help, but it's all gonna be in their mom's hands. Leave it at that. Let the kids and the mom figure out what to do with that. Tell the wife you're just gonna be gone unless she asks for your help or involvement in some way. Give her the divorce, let her have her student loan and her education. Just tell her it makes you feel sick to fight about it further than that.

And get the lawyer and tell him to hold that line. That's all.

If you don't make the point that it's her education and her loan, she'll be taking you for everything you have the rest of your life. If you don't make the statement to the kids, to the wife, and to the court that you are willing to do what you can for them, you'll be signing off on your parental rights forever. Tell the the kids, the wife and the courts what you earn and offer to help in a way commensurate with your actual parental rights and the influence you're given, so far as you're able. By the time the judge realizes that is what you're saying, there's a fair chance for joint custody. . . . and by the time the judge realizes the kind of life the mom is likely to give those kids, you may get full custody.

At the very least, it will give that woman pause to reconsider her ways. . . . . long, long, overdue.

To this day, your sentimentality without appropriate cautions has just made you an enabler to a type of person who's comparable to an alcoholic, only in this case it's not alcohol but the addiction of some women to manipulable men.

And that is what the women in this thread have been trying to say, nicely.
Click to expand...

Excellent post. Only thing I will say contrary is that you've given some real benefit of the doubt to judges in general... more aren't engaged enough to 'catch' what you're saying... just my opinion.

CONAN said:
The wife and I are pretty busy people. So much so that we don't have a lot of time for friends (not regular hang-out-once-a-week-type of friends anyway). That kinda sucked (because that was the life we and especially I was used to) but now I think it was/is a blessing in disguise.

And I agree about the wanting you back thing. I couldn't imagine trying to start over anyway. Why go through that when what you have is decent and maybe just needs a little work (heaven forbid you work at marriage, right?).

Good luck.
Click to expand...

I get that. There's a LOT to be said for a husband and wife figuring out how to get through the good times and bad without all the peripheral 'help.'

UGLI baby said:
I'm sure that's the only reason you don't have friends.



posted from my htc one using tapaBONGO
Click to expand...

lol

Gameface said:
I'm not trying to open anything up here, but didn't you once say your wife checks all the cell phones in the house, including yours? Checking every text sent and received and every number called and answered? Punishment issued if any of the above had been deleted?

If that works for you that works for you, but man, that wouldn't work for me.
Click to expand...

Yikes!
 
Gameface said:
I'm not trying to open anything up here, but didn't you once say your wife checks all the cell phones in the house, including yours? Checking every text sent and received and every number called and answered? Punishment issued if any of the above had been deleted?

If that works for you that works for you, but man, that wouldn't work for me.
Click to expand...
She doesn't have time for that. I don't know who would. We do spot checks. Heaven forbid we keep tabs on our kids. But hey if that works for you then ok. But man, I've seen the kids with zero supervision and that wouldn't work for me. Good luck with that.
 
CONAN said:
Says the guy who spends a billion more hours on here than me.
Click to expand...

Okay.. I am being serious here. Seriously.

You seem like a smart and witty guy. I suspect you're a competitor and take pride in being above the norm. But what's with the constant ******* routine? I'm not talking about this post, btw, so save it. I am sincerely curious. Share, if you would... is this just a schtik? Are you a forreal life full-on *******?

What's the deal, bro??
 
CONAN said:
She doesn't have time for that. I don't know who would. We do spot checks. Heaven forbid we keep tabs on our kids. But hey if that works for you then ok. But man, I've seen the kids with zero supervision and that wouldn't work for me. Good luck with that.
Click to expand...

So it wasn't you then? If it wasn't you it was Beantown.

Spot checks? Lol, I had those in the Navy to make sure my workers weren't gundecking maintenance. Anyone ever get caught gundecking in your house?
 
Gameface said:
So it wasn't you then? If it wasn't you it was Beantown.

Spot checks? Lol, I had those in the Navy to make sure my workers weren't gundecking maintenance. Anyone ever get caught gundecking in your house?
Click to expand...

ive never checked... but kinda sure no one has gundecked in my house................ im thinkin,
 
PKM said:
Okay.. I am being serious here. Seriously.

You seem like a smart and witty guy. I suspect you're a competitor and take pride in being above the norm. But what's with the constant ******* routine? I'm not talking about this post, btw, so save it. I am sincerely curious. Share, if you would... is this just a schtik? Are you a forreal life full-on *******?

What's the deal, bro??
Click to expand...
WTF you go on tilt for weird things (and from your post it looks like stuff has been building up for you). But at least you didn't send me weird PMs this time so that's improvement. Ease off the creepy shtick, Broseph.
 
If being on jazzfanz a lot makes you uncool consider me Roscoe Mendenhall.



posted from my htc one using tapaBONGO
 
Chris-L said:
i doubt i could find a lawyer to do it pro boner. im looking into mediation trying to find a low cost option. if that doesnt work im gonna have to try and find a lawyer who will let me pay him 100$ a month for the rest of my life.
Click to expand...
Probably not pro bono, but besides mediation, there probably are non-profit legal centers that would take into account your financial situation and charge accordingly. I'm in agreement with most others...re: the student loan debt. It should be hers. On the other hand, a judge may rule that a good portion of it was simply used for joint living expenses. The boobs were an agreed upon expense while married. Forget including that as a factor in the divorce settlement. AS for the children, that's a tricky one. If they're not biologically yours, then maybe you have few rights. You've been together for 6 years it sounds like. In the eyes of the court, perhaps that's not enough. I really think it's imperative you get some sort of legal counsel.

Do you have a pastor or someone who could point you in the right direction? They often know of community resources you might not be aware of.

I've been through a divorce and know how painful it can be. We didn't have children, but some aspects of it turned very nasty, even after we both agreed to split "amicably." She's trying to stick you with everything. Don't let that happen without knowing your rights. At the very least, I think a few attorneys would charge a reasonable consultation rate to just sit down with you for an hour and talk about the key issues.
 
Last edited:
You must log in or register to reply here.

Share this page
Back
Top