Am I wrong?
- Thread starter Chris-L
- Start date
Stifle Tower
Punch Bowl Re-Filler
I hate Irony. That's why I take a lot of my clothes to the Dry Cleaners. I find it cuts down on the number of pressing problems I have to face.
Chris-L
Well-Known Member
Not gonna disagree with most of this, but no matter how bad things get with the divorce, I will always have her to thank for my children. Nothing I wouldn't go through for them. And I knew what I was getting into when I married her. she is a beautiful person. she's not prefect, but neither am I. She has always had to put in a lot more work than the rest of us just to make it through the day. Breaks my heart that she has given up on that. She has her associates degree, and one more year of school left in her post grad program.
Stifle Tower
Punch Bowl Re-Filler
I admire your attitude, Chris-L. It's not wrong to wish the best for your "soon-to-be" ex and be grateful for the happier times you shared with her. And yes, you DO have her to thank for your children. That said, looking out for yourself and your interests during the divorce proceedings is neither a sign of selfishness nor uncaring. Sounds like the divorce was her idea, not yours. And as such, you can be sure she's trying to take as much as she can, either through her own selfishness or on the advice of others. Protect yourself or she'll leave you in a hole you may never dig out of.
PearlWatson
Well-Known Member
the kids are the one thing worth fighting for
if he lets them go without a "fight" they could get jerked around at the least, and be in danger at the worst...I don't think a willingness to walk away will look like a sign of love to the kids...just the opposite.
if this is a negotiation between the two of them he could offer to take the kids off her hands while she "finds herself"...like he is doing her a favor
Context. I struggled with this portion of babes post too... I was trying to giving the benefit.....
PearlWatson
Well-Known Member
reviewing the various comments the OP has offered shows some warning signs that you might be right on this one. PKM has a point as well about our judges not being reliable and perceptive enough to "catch on" to a lot of things, too.
The OP professes not having the means to secure legal counsel, and seems intent on trying to work through this situation from an essentially powerless position. That in itself is a hugely negative thing to teach kids, but hey in our society powerless men/fathers is what we're all about. And we're transmitting this "reality" to the next generation with a near-total transmission rate.
I haven't seen you and Moe agree on much, but I detect in both of you the insight that here's a case where a man really needs to step up to the plate and swing for the bleachers.
At this point I can only wonder. . . . .
In the case of my stepdaughter the kid was not hostile, but the mom was. There was already a custody fight with allegations of abuse flying every direction.
I might have been that poor kid's only chance for a good life. Maybe I really blew it by taking my brother's advice and getting outta Dodge.
first rule of thumb: remember that you can't solve ALL the world's problems
so you have to prioritize, and in this specific situation I'd say that Chris needs to focus specifically on the two children that have his name on their birth certificate, and less about the other two that don't, particularly if it appears that his wife is trying to use them for any sort of emotional or financial blackmail purposes
There's much about the situation between Chris and his wife that I find puzzling. First of all, why someone who is living "hand to mouth" would use $6,000 for a boob job. I just don't get it. I know from my own kids that spending money on things like manicures, pedicures, massages, facials and the like is something they feel is worthwhile. When I was their age, those types of services barely even existed outside of Hollywood. So I sort of get it, but still, spending $40 once a month is a far cry from $6,000.00. So really, I don't get it.
Second, Chris and several posters who know the situation have mentioned how "special" this young woman is. What's so special, other than the $6,000 boobs? Did she overcome a personal tragedy or debilitating illness or handicap? How was she supporting herself before Chris entered the picture? I guess I haven't seen anything that seems to be evidence that she has any ability to "stick it" to him, so I'm a little confused what exactly he's so worried about. What are her resources for hiring top-notch legal help? Family money? What puts her in any greater of a position of power than Chris?
another question - five years, $50,000 and all she has gotten from it is an associates degree?
Which leads me to ask, were the $50,000 in loans strictly used to pay college tuition and related costs? Or was some of that money used to cover living expenses? Because as much as I hate to say this, if it covered some of your joint family living expenses, than I do think you have some responsibility to help pay it back. You were part of the decision that the debt was a worthwhile risk, and you did benefit from it.
Chris-L
Well-Known Member
Thanks for all the feedback. I don't want to go into any more personal detail about the problems with my marriage, obviously there are plenty. We haven't talked in a week, I am really hoping when we sit down next time things will go a lot better. I've realized a few things and have a clearer idea of how this can work, thanks guys.
Zulu
Well-Known Member
first rule of thumb: remember that you can't solve ALL the world's problems
so you have to prioritize, and in this specific situation I'd say that Chris needs to focus specifically on the two children that have his name on their birth certificate, and less about the other two that don't, particularly if it appears that his wife is trying to use them for any sort of emotional or financial blackmail purposes
There's much about the situation between Chris and his wife that I find puzzling. First of all, why someone who is living "hand to mouth" would use $6,000 for a boob job. I just don't get it. I know from my own kids that spending money on things like manicures, pedicures, massages, facials and the like is something they feel is worthwhile. When I was their age, those types of services barely even existed outside of Hollywood. So I sort of get it, but still, spending $40 once a month is a far cry from $6,000.00. So really, I don't get it.
Second, Chris and several posters who know the situation have mentioned how "special" this young woman is. What's so special, other than the $6,000 boobs? Did she overcome a personal tragedy or debilitating illness or handicap? How was she supporting herself before Chris entered the picture? I guess I haven't seen anything that seems to be evidence that she has any ability to "stick it" to him, so I'm a little confused what exactly he's so worried about. What are her resources for hiring top-notch legal help? Family money? What puts her in any greater of a position of power than Chris?
I could expound more on some of your questions but I don't believe I'm at liberty to say, mainly why she us so "special" specifically to me...
On the financials I know that Chris and his wife moved to bigger house where their rent increases quite a bit, and with her no longer helping things out financially at home it's been rough..
CONAN
Well-Known Member
Good luck, Man. That sucks but it will get better.
It's good for Chris-L to have a buddy like you who can, with grace and class, run off the yapping ignorant critics of the person he loves. Rep, bro.
Last night I was visiting a friend who recently went through a divorce. I had heard some things from other sources, and I know a few people who really like to trash men in general, any chance they get, any time of day. I had been inclined to give those neggers my credibility, but I found he was his real self still, the way I've known him for almost sixty years. He wasn't particularly interested in running his wife down. His version of it was that life is hard and he wasn't happy to see her leave. He was someone who tried to be a responsible man, couldn't understand the luxury some women indulge in nowadays and wonders if there isn't something in our food or environment that is setting off women for extreme mood swings and depression.
I told him about the phytoestrogenic plasticizers in all our processed food containers/plastics. He believes times have changed and we're doing things that are making people behave in more psychotic ways. We've got epidemic breast cancer, mood disorders, and a lot of guys are not able to cope either. Yep, yep. Some types of breast cancers are known to be "estrogen receptor positive" that is the cancer cells themselves are being set off through the estrogen receptors, and it's pretty common knowledge estrogen hormones are involved especially during menopause in causing extreme mood swings.
Time to drop the use of squeesy-soft plastic drink containers and those little plastic bags with the re-sealable zipper, because they're loaded with platicizers and it does leak out into the food. Probably affects male development as well, sorta contributing to the whole range of gay or feminized men whose brains don't get modified the way nature would ordinarily do it under the normal hormonal controls.
If Chris-L wants to save his marriage, those of us who are wanting to prattle on about her possible problems probably aren't really gonna be a lot of help.
So move on Chris. You're the man for the job.
uhhhhmmmm. . . . speaking as a biochemist I was thinking of food contamination. . . . and the vapors exuding from the plastics. But yes, condoms too. Just not a very significant risk compared to the other modes of exposure to these chemicals.