Don't try to turn it into you saying something else. You clearly implied that I didn't understand what they were going thru while you did. Stop that ******** spinning because I ain't buying it.
Infidelity
- Thread starter candrew
- Start date
Don't try to turn it into you saying something else. You clearly implied that I didn't understand what they were going thru while you did. Stop that ******** spinning because I ain't buying it.
PearlWatson
Well-Known Member
Maybe the grass is greener on the side you didn't live.
Gyp Rosetti
Banned
Exactly. My parents should've gotten divorced earlier and presented a healthier, happier home for us.
Thee Idiotic Minivan K
Well-Known Member
t.work
Well-Known Member
I know exactly how you feel. My parents waited until my youngest brother turned 18 before they called it quits. They should have divorced back in 1999 like they had originally planned. Nope, they 'stayed together for the kids' and, unfortunately, my brothers and I had to deal with a very unhealthy home. I wonder how much different life would have been if they had called it quits much earlier. I bet I'd still be living in Utah.
PearlWatson
Well-Known Member
This was the sentence you have a problem with.
"Maybe you don't realize how difficult and painful those things are for your children."
I'm sorry if you took that as saying you clearly didn't realize.
I acknowledge that I should have made it general to all children who go through those things, and not gone personal to your situation.
apology accepted.
On a personal note. I do. My dad lived in CO then WA while my mother lived in UT and MS. I never spent a summer with my friends till I was 17. So summers (all summer) and every other holiday were hell on earth for me. He worked all day and was never home. So basically I got to spend all that time with his new wife who locked me and my brother outside except at lunch, dinner and bed times. So yes I know.
How do you know the marriage was not solid?
leftyjace
Well-Known Member
And further... who gets to define what a solid marriage is? What does "solid" mean, anyway?
The way you describe, it does sound like it was a mistake to stay. I would be the last person to suggest that a marriage betrayal can be just covered up. Real work has to be done to save it, if both parties feel it is worth saving. My parents weren't willing to do that work, and separated.
I agree that would have a lot of potential to be a sham. On the other hand, even if they were not sleeping together, they could still bond over shared goals, activities, priorities, financial commitments, etc. NOt to mention even if he is sleeping with other people, he can still be sleeping with his wife.
I always told myself that marriage was work, and the affair did not change that. It just changed what we worked on for while.
That's what happened with me (I was 15).
CONAN
Well-Known Member
I've seen this work and fail all kind of ways (staying together versus getting divorced) several times over. I think the problem is pre-divorce what is good for mom and dad is usually good for the family as a whole. With divorce that changes a little. It can work but it just takes a lot more work from mom/dad. And the fact they're are getting divorced can many times mean one or both doesn't like working on that type of stuff anyway. So it can get ugly fast. But like I said I've seen it work out great plenty of times, too. Each situation will be different
CONAN
Well-Known Member
Your definition might be different than mine but for me cheating on your spouse for 4 years isn't a sign of a solid marriage (speaking in the context of the original post here).
We can agree it is not an positive indicator of a solid marriage.
CONAN
Well-Known Member
Whew! That was a tough sell.
Fake what? I see no reason to assume she felt anything other than love for her husband. Just because an indicator is not positive does not mean it is negative.
CONAN
Well-Known Member
Ya, I know it's weird and all but I'm gonna say cheating on your spouse for 4 years is a negative indicator.