Wife cheated on me... again

[fishonjazz]

In Utah the woman will always get custody. I mean she could be a crackhead, abusive, adulterous, crook. She'll get custody and a nice child support check.

Sounds like she pulled the old send me through school and I'll leave when I'm ready to make my own money maneuver. Gotta hand it to her, it's an old trick but it works.

lol, Dr. Jones called her a whore.

Whether she thought about it from the start or realized halfway through or after the fact, I bet she sees her opportunities for what they are and his obligations for what they are.

I agree with you.

 

[mellow]

Tough spot, I'm sorry for you and your kids, and on some level I'm sorry for your wife.

I am also for trying to make it work Whenever and almost however you can, but there comes a point that you can't give anymore. You can stay, she will probably keep doing this and may lose all respect for you, and may resent you...but you get to be with the kids everyday.

You can leave, you get to keep what dignity you have remaining but step into the great unknown with your kids and potential years of drama with her.

Do you think if I pray for your user name God knows who you really are?

 

[fishonjazz]

Option 2 other than murder: Shave her head and make her walk naked through the streets of the closest major city while people throw food at her.

Lol

 

[fishonjazz]

He's cheating on you. Brace yourself.

Lololol

 

[Boris]

babe clearly don't know what schizophrenia is. Not a single schizoid symptom mentioned in this thread.

It look bipolar not schizophrenia. I have several friends both man and woman who have gone through adultry based on OP desripts.

I feel very sorry for ppl in these situations. Both the partner and the cheater. How can I judge someone with an mental issue I can not relate to?

 

[fishonjazz]

Actually, I've got ideological/theological blinders on which prevent me from seeing the evil? and somehow I'm deluded by this euphoric unconditional love?.. . . . .

all I know is what God sees, maybe?.

The Bible does say some stuff about charity for others in their difficulties, and how God hates divorce but allows it because of unrepentant people with hard hearts and insufficient wisdom or patience with another, whether justified by wrongs or not.

Jesus died in great agony, reportedly, taking on himself our sins if we will turn to Him, and that is a great futures contract for people who might not turn for some time.

I have had cause to observe that a man who really wants a marriage kinda has to expect to endure some agony himself. Sooner or later. But in the event that that endurance produces a desired outcome, I think it can be worth it all.

Short-termers will move through several marriages, every switch for damn good reasons, and still end up not understanding the worth of a human soul in the eyes of God, and will probably never develop that capacity to do for others when others need it.

might seem kinda glib, but so does the "move on" advice I'm seeing here. I can't make this decision for anyone. I had two marriages go down myself, and looking back both of those women would have been worth it, and I'd have done a few things differently if I'd understood what I'm saying now. yah, one has been married twenty years to her number three. She came back to me after her number two went down, and after she remarried and found her husband had cancer. I refused her, saying she needed to stop bouncing around between men. She bawled, and said she was going to pray for her husband who had cancer in hopes God would do a miracle for him just like He did for me. That husband is still alive, and with her. Yah, really, she was way different from me, and another race and culture and all that. But she had real love, and her problem was she lost faith in LDS religion and went looking for something better, and didn't come back to it until after she talked to me that last time.

Tldr

 

[fishonjazz]

I feel for you man. I hate to reduce your problem to a stereotype but this has to be the 9th or 10th time in my life that I've heard this story. Got married young, had a couple of kids, one of the spouses goes back to school and ends up having an affair. Same exact thing happened to my brother-in-law. I think the problem stems from the fact that when you're an adult back in school you're surrounded by people with less responsibilities than you - it's only natural that you start to feel like you missed out on some stuff and it morphs into a reckless or destructive act.

I definitely don't claim to be an expert on these matters but I think at the very least a trial separation is in order. With children so young it's inevitable that your lives will still be intertwined. Maybe that extra breathing room can help you determine if this was meant to be. Good luck!

Good stuff

 

[green]

Stop. Sewing of wild oats has nothing to do with it.
Nor does Mormonism.
Better guess is she's an entirely selfish narcissistic fiend.

This. It sucks, but it's time to move on. Both of you, and your children, will be better because of it.

 

[DarkMount]

It look bipolar not schizophrenia. I have several friends both man and woman who have gone through adultry based on OP desripts.

I feel very sorry for ppl in these situations. Both the partner and the cheater. How can I judge someone with an mental issue I can not relate to?

Wow, This thread has gotten way more attention than I ever expected.

But her mom was bipolar and partial responsible for her death. Mixed wrong meds and bad things happened.

Poor Alexander Hamilton.

But the duel parent seems oddly appropriate.

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[Saint Cy of JFC]

Wow, This thread has gotten way more attention than I ever expected.

But her mom was bipolar and partial responsible for her death. Mixed wrong meds and bad things happened.





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Its the off season

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[green]

I'd also advise to lawyer up. Protect yourself. You are going to be left with alimony and child support and that could be thousands month. Plus, you could lose the house, kids, etc.

There are feelings involved and that makes it tough, but I guarantee she is lawyering up and it's harder from men in this state. Protect yourself. Get a good lawyer, listen to him. Do what he says. Don't do what your bishop or home teachers or neighbors tell you to do.

Protect yourself. The better you protect yourself, the better able you will be to provide for your kids in the future and if needed get custody of them. If you have boys, they will want to live with you at some point. The better you protect yourself now, the better you will be able to get custody of them later.

Don't move out. Don't give her anything. Get a lawyer. She should be the one to leave the house. She cheated. Keep the kids with you. She goes alone.

 

[Gameface]

I'd also advise to lawyer up. Protect yourself. You are going to be left with alimony and child support and that could be thousands month. Plus, you could lose the house, kids, etc.

There are feelings involved and that makes it tough, but I guarantee she is lawyering up and it's harder from men in this state. Protect yourself. Get a good lawyer, listen to him. Do what he says. Don't do what your bishop or home teachers or neighbors tell you to do.

Protect yourself. The better you protect yourself, the better able you will be to provide for your kids in the future and if needed get custody of them. If you have boys, they will want to live with you at some point. The better you protect yourself now, the better you will be able to get custody of them later.

Don't move out. Don't give her anything. Get a lawyer. She should be the one to leave the house. She cheated. Keep the kids with you. She goes alone.

That's something I've always had a hard opinion on. Don't leave the house! Don't do it. It is your house just as much as it is her house. Never act like that isn't the case. Never leave the house.

I've seen way too many men paying for their wife and her new man to live in the house he put his life into.

If she can't live under the same roof at this point she can leave. If she gets abusive, at all, call the police. Way before it gets out of control. As soon as she breaks anything, as soon as she gets physical, if she is being verbally abusive, call the police and report her and stick to your guns on domestic violence. So many men are victims of this. You let it go too far or you don't report it and all the sudden you're the abuser. It doesn't matter if you've never even raised your voice to her. You need to make the call first and before anything complicated happens. You're playing from a major disadvantage on domestic violence no matter what, so make the call first and before there is anything at all legitimate she can say about it to make it look like it was you.

 

[Joe Bagadonuts]

I cannot express how painful it is for me to hear the OP advised to lawyer up. That may, unfortunately, be his best option. I have known several people who accomplished divorce without lawyers, though. I envy them. I would say that if you can't come up with an agreement that you can both feel comfortable with (apparently there are websites designed to assist with this) then get yourself a lawyer and recognize that you might be handing them a fair share of the assets you were formerly fighting over. The worst part of the lawyers for me, though, was how much more negative their involvement made my interactions with my ex.

The advice not to move out of your house is good, though.

 

[green]

I cannot express how painful it is for me to hear the OP advised to lawyer up. That may, unfortunately, be his best option. I have known several people who accomplished divorce without lawyers, though. I envy them. I would say that if you can't come up with an agreement that you can both feel comfortable with (apparently there are websites designed to assist with this) then get yourself a lawyer and recognize that you might be handing them a fair share of the assets you were formerly fighting over. The worst part of the lawyers for me, though, was how much more negative their involvement made my interactions with my ex.

The advice not to move out of your house is good, though.

Don't do this. This is exactly the type of advice to ignore. Get a lawyer. You are playing a game you don't know the rules to. Lawyers know the rules. They know how to play the game.

Here's an analogy:

Your wife challenges you to a game of two on two basketball and she has some NBA player as her teammate. The winner gets the kids, the house, alimony, child support. Thousands, if not hundreds of thousands of dollars.

You have the option to chose another NBA player as your teammate.

The advice above is telling you to google how to play basketball and not choose a teammate.

You will lose. And lose big time. Not hiring a lawyer could end up being the worst decision of your life.

Hire a lawyer. A good one. One that only does divorces. Don't move out of the house. Keep the kids. That's the only shot you have.

 

[Joe Bagadonuts]

Don't do this. This is exactly the type of advice to ignore. Get a lawyer. You are playing a game you don't know the rules to. Lawyers know the rules. They know how to play the game.

Here's an analogy:

Your wife challenges you to a game of two on two basketball and she has some NBA player as her teammate. The winner gets the kids, the house, alimony, child support. Thousands, if not hundreds of thousands of dollars.

You have the option to chose another NBA player as your teammate.

The advice above is telling you to google how to play basketball and not choose a teammate.

You will lose. And lose big time. Not hiring a lawyer could end up being the worst decision of your life.

Hire a lawyer. A good one. One that only does divorces. Don't move out of the house. Keep the kids. That's the only shot you have.

Spoken like someone who has no idea what it actually feels like to go through this process. If neither your wife or you get lawyers, and if both of you decide that you are going to do this in the most loving way possible, recognizing that you can give more to each other because you don't have to give it to a lawyer, you could very well be better off (possibly a lot better off) following that course. The two of you have children together. Trust me, you will be a hell of a lot happier if you don't create an adversarial relationship with this woman who you once loved.

 

[Boris]

I cannot express how painful it is for me to hear the OP advised to lawyer up. That may, unfortunately, be his best option. I have known several people who accomplished divorce without lawyers, though. I envy them. I would say that if you can't come up with an agreement that you can both feel comfortable with (apparently there are websites designed to assist with this) then get yourself a lawyer and recognize that you might be handing them a fair share of the assets you were formerly fighting over. The worst part of the lawyers for me, though, was how much more negative their involvement made my interactions with my ex.

The advice not to move out of your house is good, though.

She cheated on him 20 times. Why would u advise this?

 

[green]

Spoken like someone who has no idea what it actually feels like to go through this process. If neither your wife or you get lawyers, and if both of you decide that you are going to do this in the most loving way possible, recognizing that you can give more to each other because you don't have to give it to a lawyer, you could very well be better off (possibly a lot better off) following that course. The two of you have children together. Trust me, you will be a hell of a lot happier if you don't create an adversarial relationship with this woman who you once loved.

While well intentioned, this is so naive. No, I've never been divorced. Been married almost 13 years and I hope I've never get divorced.

My parents had six divorces between them before I was 18. I've seen it all.

Your advice is terrible. I'm sorry.

Get a lawyer or you will lose. She cheated on you. She broke the deal. Protect yourself.

 

[Batman]

To the OP, I'm so sorry man. Life is already hard enough, and we don't need the people we love and are suppose to love us letting us down in such a big way! It sucks. I wish sometimes humans were inherently more noble and fiercely loyal/faithful to the ones they pledge their love/friendship to, but so often it isn't the case and it hurts. I have contemplated this reality many times, and still don't know how to fully embrace it. I don't know if this helps, but I think of the words of Bob Marley: "Truth is everyone is going to hurt you. You just have to find the ones worth suffering for." I think, though she may have some good qualities as you previously stated, she is not worth suffering for because she's hurting you and she doesn't seem to care enough to stop. And I don't know if this helps you, but whoever she settles down with, she will do the same thing to them odds are.

If it was me, as painful as it would be, I'd get out of the relationship. Have courage. Don't lose your dignity in how you treat her. I mean, handle it with all the grace you can. Good luck brother. I hope things work out well for you.


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[Joe Bagadonuts]

She cheated on him 20 times. Why would u advise this?

I say it because of my own experience. My wife cheated on me. It became obvious that the marriage could not be saved. So we talked things through and agreed about how to divide things. Then she said she wanted to have a lawyer look at it. She did. He called me and offered to represent me too. No way was I taking that deal, so I got a lawyer of my own.

My lawyer looked things over, talked with her lawyer, and the told me, this is going to be easy. You'll be divorced within a couple of weeks. Her lawyer advised her to quit communicating with me in person. We started talking through only text and email. Misunderstandings ensued, just like they often do on this site, because communicating only through pixels leaves a lot to be desired. Then either she or her lawyer (I do not know who because I was no longer communicating with my wife since we'd hired these high priced people to come into the middle of things) started drastically modifying the agreement we had previously come to. Then my lawyer pushed back on them, then vice-versa and on and on. Every time anything happened we both got a bill. One day my lawyer received notification that her lawyer was removing himself from the case. I can guess why, but since I can't prove it I won't say. She brought a new lawyer into the picture.

Either she became really sleazy or this new guy did it for her, but either way some terrible things began to happen. I'm not going to post them here. The relevant part is that my relationship with the mother of my children was permanently destroyed. My children's lives would be better if that had not happened. And since my kids are pretty young I'm going to have to be dealing with this situation for years (and obviously beyond because both of us are going to want to be a part of our children's lives for the rest of our lives). So after more than a year of paying lawyers to communicate for us our divorce was finally settled. My deal was worse than the one we had come to together and hers was too. The lawyers got the difference.

But looking back on things, I don't care about the money. I care about the fact that every member of my family went through such a hellish experience. My mom died in the midst of it. The stress was unreal (not just for me, but for my kids and the people who cared about me). I assume, based on much evidence, that it was also unpleasant on my ex's side of things, but maybe she simply became Satan incarnate and she enjoyed the experience. How would I know for sure? We no longer communicate other than rare, brief texts. I have as little to do with her as I can, and my kids get to be in the middle.

Now it might be true that all of this was going to play out in the same way no matter what, but I'm telling you from my heart that I sincerely believe if we had succeeded at leaving the lawyers out of it everyone involved (other than the lawyers)would be better off today. And like I say, since my divorce I've met a few people who figured things out without lawyers. They've told me about their experiences. I'd trade places in a heartbeat.

 

[MVP]

There is no way back to happy relationship after that. If she did it with 3 dudes already it means she is missing something from your relationship. I don't buy "calling beautiful" crap. There is something deeper here and you ain't fixing it. Just move on man. It will hurt but it will be a right choice.