Why can't people who leave the LDS church move on?

[Beantown]

Of course they should be judged. It's one thing for a parent to not help an adult child financially based on principle (though I don't understand it, but whatever), but it's another to use it as a bribe for a child to make a spiritual decision.

It's also bizarre for a parent to get someone to follow their religion on a quid pro quo basis.

What if a grand parent leave's money for their grandkid to pay for their missions and ONLY that?

You think that is wrong?

 

[Bronco70]

What if a grand parent leave's money for their grandkid to pay for their missions and ONLY that?

You think that is wrong?

That's not what he said, Bean.

...but it's another to use it as a bribe for a child to make a spiritual decision.

Grandparents setting aside money for a grandchild's mission is not a bribe. If the child decides to serve a mission, the money is there. If not, it isn't. Everything except the mission stays the same. That has nothing to do with paying for school or a car or a phone, or whatever...

As has been pointed out, everyone's circumstances are different. Kudos to you for supporting yourself all the way. But that doesn't mean that every/any other way is wrong.

If a relative sets aside money for education (or anything for that matter), shouldn't that relative be the only one who can attach stipulations? I think so.

 

[sirkickyass]

I don't think you guys get it. This thread is about Beanclown. It's not about other people.

Beanclown is still in the church. Beanclown doesn't understand why other people who left the church might have negative feelings about their experiences. Therefore, those people are now irrationally obsessed with something they had no interest in before. All of them. There is no equivalency or justification.

Beanclown lived his life a specific way. Beanclown's parents had a specific parenting strategy. If you were parented differently and the terms of your parenting changed, too bad. Only the way beanclown was parented is valid. If you expected anything different then you are lazy and have no reasons to have raw feelings about your relationship with your parents changed. It doesn't matter if things changed in an effort to manipulate you. If you have bad feelings about it, then you are lazy. Only Beanclown's life experiences and beliefs are valid.

Science > your opinion. Beanclown's understanding of the secrets of life is well documented. That's why he's the most respected poster on the board.

 

[Nate505]

My parents didn't pay anything for me after high school. I learned to work and pay for my own things. I didn't need them. Why is it so hard for college kids to pay for a phone, car and rent during college? My car was paid for, my cell phone was like 30 bucks a month and my rent was $250.........how lazy are people?

"Helping financially" isn't the same thing as "paying for everything." Hell I had to pay rent at my house after high school, but at the same time my parents co-signed on a loan for a car since I wasn't credit worthy enough to get it when I was 19.

 

[Nate505]

What if a grand parent leave's money for their grandkid to pay for their missions and ONLY that?

You think that is wrong?

No. If the money was specified for just about anything then it should only be used for that.

But unless it was specified that the money be turned over to the parents in case the beneficiary doesn't go on a mission, the parents shouldn't look at it like they won the lottery either.

 

[Joe Bagadonuts]

Ha, I'm a BYU fan. I don't see the BYU football team as a representative of the church though, even if they do themselves. That probably doesn't make sense but whatever.

When it comes to holier than thou attitudes, every religion and, especially, culture seems to have that. The religious faux-superiority from mormons and other denominations doesn't bother me as much as ethnocentrism, although they are close. I could elaborate but I don't like to type for long periods of time. I'll just say that living here in South Korea gives me another perspective on a lot of things. These are things I couldn't see or experience whilst living within a mission bubble.

I've agreed with most everything you've said, and I even agree that all cultures have at least some cultural pride... but few cultures reach the level of "holier than thou." Mormonism, at least for a certain percentage of its members, does. On a positive note, the percentage of holier than thou members seems to be diminishing.

 

[pickledXgrandma]

My parents never gave me a damn dime to attend college. I worked two jobs, saved money, applied for grants and scholarships and graduated debt free. Why do people feel so entitled to have their parents hold their hands?

With that said, your parents shouldn't have pulled the church card on you. That's pretty lame.

Okay let me finalize and go into more detail with everything, as I am coming off as a privileged brat to a couple people here.
I have worked since I was 10, I was a shipper/fulfillment worker in my fathers warehouse and then once I was 15 I got a legitimate job. I have worked my entire life, always through college. I've paid for every damn thing I have ever owned. The car that got taken away was a car that I had paid half for, my parents paid the other half. I would offer to pay for it my parents wouldn't want me to so they could use it has leverage. I paid for that cellphone, they paid the monthly bill which was 30$? I wasn't speaking about this stuff as money. I was more speaking they were the ways that were helping me go through college, I had them taken away literally like a week before the semester started. It's a little tough to try and get all that worked out a week before school and during school while your sleeping in friends basements with no transportation and campus is 30 min away. I was planning everything around having these necessities to help me get through school, but they disappeared. But I am the type of person that gets **** done so I took care of all of it, on my own. No hands were being held here.

It wasn't about expecting money or things, it was about planning around it. If that makes sense?

 

[Stoked]

Okay let me finalize and go into more detail with everything, as I am coming off as a privileged brat to a couple people here.
I have worked since I was 10, I was a shipper/fulfillment worker in my fathers warehouse and then once I was 15 I got a legitimate job. I have worked my entire life, always through college. I've paid for every damn thing I have ever owned. The car that got taken away was a car that I had paid half for, my parents paid the other half. I would offer to pay for it my parents wouldn't want me to so they could use it has leverage. I paid for that cellphone, they paid the monthly bill which was 30$? I wasn't speaking about this stuff as money. I was more speaking they were the ways that were helping me go through college, I had them taken away literally like a week before the semester started. It's a little tough to try and get all that worked out a week before school and during school while your sleeping in friends basements with no transportation and campus is 30 min away. I was planning everything around having these necessities to help me get through school, but they disappeared. But I am the type of person that gets **** done so I took care of all of it, on my own. No hands were being held here.

And you will be a better and stronger man for it. Your parents will see that one day and hopefully they will be sorry they put you thru it.

 

[Archie Moses]

And you will be a better and stronger man for it. Your parents will see that one day and hopefully they will be sorry they put you thru it.

This. You sound like a good kid, pickle.

 

[Jazz Spazz]

This. You sound like a good kid, pickle.

Says the dude that just locked out his ex roommate, packed up his stuff and threw it out the window, and didn't answer the door... reportedly "not" because Honz cheated on him.


. <---------------------- grain of salt right there

 

[Sneakers]

This whole "durpda durpda bootstraps durpda" thing is a derailment and a distraction from the main point of pickledxhomies' story in the first place.

 

[Darkwing Duck]

I think the question has been sufficiently answered here. One person shared his story about how he left the church and its hierarchy and his character was subsequently brought into question. Anger will never subside if there are constant reminders and confirmations of why one may leave a church. This thread is one of them.

Why don't BYU fans move on from '84?

Why don't Mormons move on from '47?

Equally as valid questions as the thread title. Works both ways.