MK11
Active Member
Why did Utah Jazz sign this guy? Hmm, that's a tough one, but I'll take a shot.
Say he's playing for the Utah Jazz. One day he checks in a very important game, a game nobody else can carry the stress of it. Maybe he takes a shot at the end, which nobody can dare and maybe he gets it, a phenomenal buzzer beater. So he's real happy with himself, 'cause he did his job well. So are we, because after all, we probably defeated the damn Fakers in a playoff seventh match. But maybe that shot was the one which makes a die-hard Fakers fan choke on his chewed pizza mixed with his warm beer gulp in his mouth and die. And maybe that Fakers fan is a commander of some rebel army in North Africa or the Middle East.
Once the CIA find this dead-hard Fakers' body, they also find a map which shows the rebels' camping location among his dirty and smeary porn magazines, so they decide to bomb the village where the rebels were hiding and fifteen hundred people we never met, never had no problem with, get killed. Then the politicians say, "Oh, send in the US Marines to secure the area", because they don't give a sh**. It won't be their kid over there, gettin' shot. Just like it wasn't them when their number got called, 'cause they were pullin' a tour in the National Guard. It'll be some Mormon kid from Salt Lake City takin' shrapnel in the ***. And after his duty, he comes back to find that the plant he used to work at got exported to the country he just got back from. And the guy who put the shrapnel in his ***, and is obviously a Fakers fan too, got his old job, 'cause he'll work for fifteen cents a day and no bathroom breaks. Meanwhile, he realizes the only reason he was over there in the first place was so the US could install a government that would sell USA and western countries oil at a good price. And, of course, the oil companies used the skirmish over there to scare up domestic oil prices. A cute little ancillary benefit for them, but it ain't helping our mormon brother at three-fifty a gallon. And they're takin' their sweet time bringin' the oil back, of course, and maybe even took the liberty of hiring an alcoholic skipper who is a stupid Fakers fan and also likes to drink martinis and f* play slalom with the icebergs, and it ain't too long until he hits one, spills the oil and kills all the sea life in the North Atlantic.
So now our young Mormon brother's out of work and he can't afford to drive, so he's got to walk to the damn job interviews, which sucks 'cause the shrapnel in his *** is givin' him chronic hemorrhoids. And meanwhile he's starvin', 'cause every time he tries to get a bite to eat, the only blue plate special they're servin' is North Atlantic scrod with Quaker State.
So what should we think about this signing? I think it would be better if we figure out all this happenings before happen, so dont bother ourselves much. And while we're at it just shoot our poor Mormon brother, take his job, give it to his sworn Fakers-fan enemy, hike up gas prices, bomb a village, club a baby seal, hit the hash pipe, kill more Fakers fans and join all together the National Guard. Maybe in this way, also, we could be blessed with a tittle.
My goodness! I've been watching too many movies lately.
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