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Life - official thread

JustTheTip said:
Why make any contact with her? It didn't end well, she hurt you, and guess what? Hard truth here, she doesn't like or want you back. If she did, she would've done something about it. Now OL, you're a needy guy. That's ok, not saying it's bad, but you have to realize it. You are needy. So you've got this girl, you dated her, she's not attentive, doesn't make you feel special, which is all fine, but those aren't the qualities that you want or need. The only thing going down this route would do is create more hurt from you. There's absolutely no point to contacting her. None.

Delete her number. Delete her birthday. Delete her from your life. Decide if you really wanna be single or. It. You know what your post says? It says, "I really want to have a relationship with somebody. Anybody." And that's ok, but you have to admit that to yourself. And if that's what you want, then go make it happen. And realize that the perfect woman doesn't exist. My wife does things that drive me nuts. I live with them because I love her. She's worth it. But you have to realize you're not going to find anybody that is perfect for you. Now I think this is the 5th or so time I've posted something similar to you. I like you OL, but I cannot stand people who constantly ask for advice, and then just ignore it and do what they want. Ok? You've heard all this stuff before. You know what to do. Just do it now.
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Thanks man, appreciate the advice and the 'hard truth'. I'll try and block her out of my mind today, it'll be hard but I'm gonna try.
 
ONE LOVE said:
Hey guys & girls


So it came up on my calender this morning that it's my ex gf's birthday today. (the one I could never seem to get over). I don't have her on my facebook (anymore). So do you guys think I should give her a call? It didn't end well... she's sort of not very attentive and standoffish type personality and I needed someone who's a bit more loving & giving. I'm always the one calling her but she is a good person and is caring despite the cold exterior. I also think I could do better but haven't been able to find the time.


Anyway, do you guys & girls think I should call to say Happy Birthday?
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OMG. Hell no don't call her.


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I think having the mindset in life that you can do better is going to set you up for failure.

You might be able to do better, but so can literally everyone else. There is always going to be someone or something that could be for you, better than you, better at life, whatever. You just have to be happy with your level of commitment and work in the relationship or in life, or change what you can control.
 
I think you should call her up. Birthdays are only once a year. Sounds like you are quite attracted to her.
 
b_line said:
I think having the mindset in life that you can do better is going to set you up for failure.

You might be able to do better, but so can literally everyone else. There is always going to be someone or something that could be for you, better than you, better at life, whatever. You just have to be happy with your level of commitment and work in the relationship or in life, or change what you can control.
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Yeah so I did say 'can do better' was probably not the right phrase for it, it's more finding a better fit. I've had plenty of girls hitting on me who are really nice and attentive, always texting me, etc, but I just wasn't attracted to them.. so again not the right fit..


But yeah I get what you're saying, at 1 point you've got to feel 'content' with your situation and you can't always expect to go up and up and up.
 
8 said:
I think you should call her up. Birthdays are only once a year. Sounds like you are quite attracted to her.
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Wow ok, now I'm conflicted. Should I really? I am definitely very attracted to her. She's really good looking (for me), has a great body, presents herself very well, and is relatively down to earth. She's also not too posh... the only thing is her icy/cold exterior and not very attentive.


I guess what I'm afraid is going to happen is she just answers the phone and said 'ok, thanks', not very appreciative, and al the cold shouldering I've given her the last couple of months is all for naught. The last time I called her she said she was with a client (she's a bank manager), said she would call back but didn't.
 
ONE LOVE said:
Wow ok, now I'm conflicted. Should I really? I am definitely very attracted to her. She's really good looking (for me), has a great body, presents herself very well, and is relatively down to earth. She's also not too posh... the only thing is her icy/cold exterior and not very attentive.


I guess what I'm afraid is going to happen is she just answers the phone and said 'ok, thanks', not very appreciative, and al the cold shouldering I've given her the last couple of months is all for naught. The last time I called her she said she was with a client (she's a bank manager), said she would call back but didn't.
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Screw the phone call. Just find out where the party is going to be and drop in.
 
Here's the thing - you are human and will likely make the wrong choice because it is what your heart wants. The more we tell you not to call, the more likely you will.

Or maybe you are different than me and won't repeat my mistakes.

Sent from my HTC6535LVW using JazzFanz mobile app
 
ONE LOVE said:
Wow ok, now I'm conflicted. Should I really? I am definitely very attracted to her. She's really good looking (for me), has a great body, presents herself very well, and is relatively down to earth. She's also not too posh... the only thing is her icy/cold exterior and not very attentive.


I guess what I'm afraid is going to happen is she just answers the phone and said 'ok, thanks', not very appreciative, and al the cold shouldering I've given her the last couple of months is all for naught. The last time I called her she said she was with a client (she's a bank manager), said she would call back but didn't.
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No! Well, let me rephrase NO! NEIN! NYET! ABSOLUTELY NOT! Dude, it's over. Let it go.
It would be different if you'd stayed friends and talked every once in a while.


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JazzGal said:
Here's the thing - you are human and will likely make the wrong choice because it is what your heart wants. The more we tell you not to call, the more likely you will.

Or maybe you are different than me and won't repeat my mistakes.

Sent from my HTC6535LVW using JazzFanz mobile app
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bigb said:
No! Well, let me rephrase NO! NEIN! NYET! ABSOLUTELY NOT! Dude, it's over. Let it go.
It would be different if you'd stayed friends and talked every once in a while.


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Thanks..


Seems like the 'Nays' have it.. I wavered a bit because 8 (i.e., LazyD) suggested to call, but I think it's overwhelmingly 'No' to the call. So yes I think I'll stick with that :)
 
Thank you so much guys, it's GREAT to have JFC to turn to in these sorts of situation. Always great to get another perspective on things.
 
ONE LOVE said:
Yeah so I did say 'can do better' was probably not the right phrase for it, it's more finding a better fit. I've had plenty of girls hitting on me who are really nice and attentive, always texting me, etc, but I just wasn't attracted to them.. so again not the right fit..
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'Cause they were girls?
 
bigb said:
No! Well, let me rephrase NO! NEIN! NYET! ABSOLUTELY NOT! Dude, it's over. Let it go.
It would be different if you'd stayed friends and talked every once in a while.


Sent from my iPhone using JazzFanz
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This. Don't be pathetic and chase after her like some schoolboy bitch.
 
That will be impressive if you stick with the decision. I wish I had made similar choices and saved myself lots of heartache. It is rare that a relationship that didn't work out the first time succeeds later.

Speaking of, it's my ex-fiance's birthday today.

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JazzGal said:
That will be impressive if you stick with the decision. I wish I had made similar choices and saved myself lots of heartache. It is rare that a relationship that didn't work out the first time succeeds later.

Sent from my HTC6535LVW using JazzFanz mobile app
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That's true... I was actually the one who broke it off with her the first time, then after about a month I went crawling back to her thinking I could stand her icy cold persona, but the same thing happened again and we just naturally drifted apart... her reasoning has always been 'I've been busy'.


Anyway I think the discussion that took place here has given me a lot of conviction to go through with the no call option :)
 
[MENTION=631]ONE LOVE[/MENTION] you should call her. Call her and wish her a happy birthday and nothing more. It lets her know you still think about her without giving the perception that you want her back, etc.

I can tell you're really into this girl and maybe there is someway you can work it out.

What is there to lose? You don't have a girl right now. Call her and tell her happy birthday and nothing more. Make her want more of you. If your heart melts when you think of her you must be quite attracted. I actually learned to put up with my girlfriend's moodiness and attitude after awhile because I really care and like her.


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White Chocolate said:
[MENTION=631]ONE LOVE[/MENTION] you should call her. Call her and wish her a happy birthday and nothing more. It lets her know you still think about her without giving the perception that you want her back, etc.

I can tell you're really into this girl and maybe there is someway you can work it out.

What is there to lose? You don't have a girl right now. Call her and tell her happy birthday and nothing more. Make her want more of you. If your heart melts when you think of her you must be quite attracted. I actually learned to put up with my girlfriend's moodiness and attitude after awhile because I really care and like her.


Sent from my iPhone using JazzFanz
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Thank you WC ... oh man, so conflicted right now. On the one hand, maybe it's best to try and forget her, or like you said just call ... what do I have to lose? (except lose face, I guess?).


Yes I am VERY into her, but I guess I'd always knew deep down inside as well that with her icy cold persona, she isn't going to be 'The One' - and that's all that matters right?
 
ONE LOVE said:
Thank you WC ... oh man, so conflicted right now. On the one hand, maybe it's best to try and forget her, or like you said just call ... what do I have to lose? (except lose face, I guess?).


Yes I am VERY into her, but I guess I'd always knew deep down inside as well that with her icy cold persona, she isn't going to be 'The One' - and that's all that matters right?
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You don't believe she is going to be "the one" no matter what? Have you guys tried working it out?


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