A Joke a Day Keeps the Doctor Away
- Thread starter kiri.de.carlos
- Start date
You'd have thought she would have stopped at the bar!
I guess she didn't have much sense.
LogGrad98
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A biologist, a chemist, and a statistician are out hunting. The biologist sees a deer, shoots at it, and misses 5 feet to the left. The chemist takes a shot and misses 5 feet to the right. The statistician jumps in the air and yells, “We got him!”
LogGrad98
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Standing beside a valiant stallion, a beautiful blonde decides she must ride this animal despite having no previous riding experience. Soon, she finds herself atop the horse’s back, galloping through a lush green meadow.
Unsuspecting, the horse suddenly picks up speed and she finds herself euphoric over the freedom she is experiencing.
Once again, the magnificent animal picks up speed except this time her inexperience gets the better of her. She finds herself barely able to hang on.
The startled horse is now in a dead run and the beautiful blonde finds herself hanging off to one side of the horse, her head just inches from the ground… catastrophe seconds away.
She begins to frantically scream for help when all of a sudden…..
George, the Wal-Mart greeter, calmly walks up and unplugs the ride.
Unsuspecting, the horse suddenly picks up speed and she finds herself euphoric over the freedom she is experiencing.
Once again, the magnificent animal picks up speed except this time her inexperience gets the better of her. She finds herself barely able to hang on.
The startled horse is now in a dead run and the beautiful blonde finds herself hanging off to one side of the horse, her head just inches from the ground… catastrophe seconds away.
She begins to frantically scream for help when all of a sudden…..
George, the Wal-Mart greeter, calmly walks up and unplugs the ride.
Archie Moses
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Why do girls wear makeup and perfume?
Because they're ugly and they stink.
Because they're ugly and they stink.
I fixed it a bit differently. Yeah, I wrote it myself.
J
JAZZGASM
Guest
What is brown and sticky?
A stick.
A stick.
J
JAZZGASM
Guest
How do you tell if there is a gay guy in the girls locker room?
It's not hard.
It's not hard.
Archie Moses
Well-Known Member
Here's a good pick up line joke (it surprising works most of the time unless the chick is just plain stupid blonde.)
Why did the monkey cross the road?
To get the hottest chick's, in the world, house.
Now pause for about 5 seconds while it's completely awkward and she tells you it's the dumbest joke she's ever heard.
Then follow up with this.
Knock knock....
Who's there...
Say, "the monkey!!!" is you're still feeling her. If she's a stuck-up beeotch that just rolled her eyes at you say, "Not the damn monkey!"
Why did the monkey cross the road?
To get the hottest chick's, in the world, house.
Now pause for about 5 seconds while it's completely awkward and she tells you it's the dumbest joke she's ever heard.
Then follow up with this.
Knock knock....
Who's there...
Say, "the monkey!!!" is you're still feeling her. If she's a stuck-up beeotch that just rolled her eyes at you say, "Not the damn monkey!"
Joe Bagadonuts
Well-Known Member
I guess it's a case of pronoun confusion. I read "them" as a reference to "the IPAs I have on tap" but you are saying it was meant to refer to "the good IPAs."
A guy is at the bar with a couple of his buddies. He has had a bit too much to drink and throws up all over his shirt. He says, "Oh, no, my wife is going to really let me have it tonight. How am I ever going to explain this?"
One of his friends leans over and says, "Don't worry. When your wife asks you about it, say 'I only had one drink, but the guy next to me was drunk out of his mind and threw up all over my shirt! He even put ten dollars in my pocket to get it clean.'' Then, his friend slips ten dollars in his pocket.
When the man arrives home that night, sure enough, his wife lays into him. "What the hell did you do, goddamn drunkard? You're a worthless sack of ****!" she exclaims.
He says, "Calm down, honey, calm down. I only had one drink, but the guy next to me was out of control and he ended up puking all over my shirt! I can prove it because he even put ten dollars in my pocket to get it cleaned."
His wife reaches into his pocket and pulls out the bill. "Wait a minute, there's twenty dollars in here" she says.
He replies, "Yeah, I know, he crapped in my pants too."
One of his friends leans over and says, "Don't worry. When your wife asks you about it, say 'I only had one drink, but the guy next to me was drunk out of his mind and threw up all over my shirt! He even put ten dollars in my pocket to get it clean.'' Then, his friend slips ten dollars in his pocket.
When the man arrives home that night, sure enough, his wife lays into him. "What the hell did you do, goddamn drunkard? You're a worthless sack of ****!" she exclaims.
He says, "Calm down, honey, calm down. I only had one drink, but the guy next to me was out of control and he ended up puking all over my shirt! I can prove it because he even put ten dollars in my pocket to get it cleaned."
His wife reaches into his pocket and pulls out the bill. "Wait a minute, there's twenty dollars in here" she says.
He replies, "Yeah, I know, he crapped in my pants too."
Two women are standing a bridge. One says to the other, "You know what, Leslie, I've always wanted to pee off a bridge just like men do."
So she climbs up and plops herself down on the railing. She says, "Hey look, I'm gonna pee right on that canoe!"
Leslie says, "That's not a canoe, it's your reflection."
So she climbs up and plops herself down on the railing. She says, "Hey look, I'm gonna pee right on that canoe!"
Leslie says, "That's not a canoe, it's your reflection."